 "You have to do better than that! Still got you beat, hunh?! "
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Act 1[]
[Whirring] DIDDY KONG: What"s it look like? Can you see the craters? Huh, huh, can you? DK: Lemme see, lemme see! CRANKY: Will you two numbskulls give me some elbow room? Hey, do you see any little green monkey men?
Huh, huh, do ya? And bananas? Do they have bananas? Just like in that movie: Maniac I know a couple of maniac monkeys, but they ain"t on the moon. It"s about these monkeys who go to the moon to look for signs of life. Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and they come across this time capsule that was sent there from their own planet. And when they open it up, guess what they find? I don"t know, but I've got a painful feeling you"re gonna tell me. They find all these really complicated drawings of machinery. BOTH: But it"s not machinery! It"s pictures of them, because they"re not really monkeys, they"re robots. It freaks them out so much they go berserk and turn into... BOTH: Maniac monkeys on the moon! I"ll ship you two off to the moon if you don"t shut your banana holes and give me some space! Ah. The moon is such a beautiful sight. I wonder what Kongo Bongo looks like from the moon. Hmm, a big soccer ball with little things running around on it. Wouldn"t it be cool if we could take a picture of ourselves and send it to the moon? What a great idea. Yeah. What? A Kongo Bongo time capsule. A historic collection of Kongo Bongo artefacts that can enlighten future generations. Wow, that is a great idea. Good thing I thought of it. We"ve told Funky and Dixie. The only one left is... Wait, I bet you"ve got something to tell me. Hey, Candy. Going already? Uh-huh, Bluster gave me the afternoon off, so I can go find a donation for the time capsule. How do you know? Because Cranky put me in charge. BOTH: What? That"s right, I'm the boss. Cranky says so. It finally happened, DK, Cranky snapped. On the contrary, it"s the smartest thing Cranky has ever done. After all, I run a big business, don"t I? And I volunteered my facilities and transportation for free. For free? That"s right. It"s my contribution to the Kongo Bongo time capsule. I can"t wait to see what you're contributing. I need a good laugh. Yeah, well, the laugh will be on you when you see my contribution. It"s big and important and it"s... it "s... Yes, yes, I" m sure. In any case, don"t dawdle. I"m the boss and I say lift-off"s at sundown. No exceptions. Come on, Diddy, let"s go find something big and important. Hmm. The nerve! It"s an outrage. How can those Neanderthal apes embark on such a monumental, historical event and not invite me? Please, your highness, please, give me my dentures back. I can"t eat nothin' but mashed insects. I"m withering away. Don"t bother me now! The moon can"t wait. [Tires squealing] They can"t exclude me. In all of Kongo Bongo Island, I"m the sole perpetrator of malice and evil. I"m the... Out cold. Wake up, King K. Rool. Wake! Where am I? Why does my face hurt? The moon, sir. You were rantin" and ravin' about those monkeys sending that time capsule rocket to the moon. Well, I won"t stand for it. I know just what to do. [Snickering] Blow their rocket ship from here to Kalamazoo? No, you half-wits! I don"t want to destroy history. I want to be part of it! Search the vault! Find me one of my diabolical devices that demonstrates the epitome of my evil genius. I"m going to make my own contribution to their time capsule. [Snickering] What streamlining. What aerodynamic lines. You can tell at a glance it"s a Bluster design. So... [Suppressing laughter] Just what are future generations going to do with those? Work out. This is a historic event not a garage sale. You"re supposed to pick something worthy of Kongo Bongo"s culture. Ha-ha-ha, I really had you goin" there, didn't I, Bluster? You thought I was serious. [Laughing] Who"d donate a pair of dumb ol' waste of something so historic? Not me, no, not when I"ve got something really important to offer. My tie. I"m hardly surprised. You have nothing to offer future generations. I do so. I have something so great, so historic, it"ll make your eyes fall out. I just have to find out what it is. [DK groaning] DK: Well, I don"t know. Well, this is... [Rattling] [Whirring] I don"t... huh? Hey, cool cat, like, dig my new skins. Ba-ba-boon! Wow, that"s great, little buddy. Did you make it yourself? Yep, it"s my contribution to the Kongo Bongo time capsule. When future generations learn about our musical culture, they"ll know that we apes could hip hop the hippy, hippy hop, bebop and you don"t stop. Like you know what I"m sayin', Daddy-o. Nope, no idea. But whatever it is, I wish I could think of something that great. It"s easy. Kongo Bongo. Whatcha love most about Kongo Bongo, baby? The banana trees swaying in the tropical breeze? As an ageing simian snores, oh, man, Cranky knows all the island lore. Bananas, ba-na-nas. Oh, those mellow yellows. Sun, hot, burnin" rays, waves, lazy days, funky, surfin", hangin" 10, 11 different ways. So what do you love most? What do I love most? Yeah, the most, like banana roast on toast by the Kongo Bongo coast. Lunch with Candy on a sandy beach. Swingin" tree to tree, vine to vine passin" time. So what do you love the most? What do I love the most? Uh-huh. That"s it! Of course! Oh, look, it"s Donkey Kong, this year"s poster boy for lame ideas. What have you got now, a thimble? A brick? Nope, this time I"ve got something really special. In fact, it"s what I love most about Kongo Bongo. A big, plump, juicy banana. A measly banana? Come on, even you can"t have ideas that stupid. Yes, I can. In fact, I have a whole bunch of them. Of all the stupid ideas. They"ll rot and turn to mush just like your brain has. DIXIE AND CANDY: Hi, guys. Hello, Dixie, Candy. Hiya, girls. We brought our contributions to the time capsule. What"s that, Donkey Kong? Bananas. Have you ever witnessed such a bonehead idea? [Suppressing laughter] Send a big, rotting, oozy pile of banana mush to the moon. For your information, Bluster, I think DK"s sending something that means so much to him personally is a lovely idea. You do? Yeah. Yes, well, I should"ve known. You two always run to Dodo Kong"s defence. Perhaps we should take a look and see what"s so great about what you brought? So you can make fun of us, too? I don"t remember Cranky naming you inspector of donations. Touch those parcels and you"ll have to open your shirt to eat. Give him your bananas, Donkey Kong. Come on, Dixie. Not a one. I refuse to stink up my rocket with them. What I say goes and I say those bananas don"t go. I"ve about had all I can take. This whole thing was my idea! My board"s going to the moon. Wow, Funky. You"re donating your prize-winning surfboard to the time capsule? You know it, Diddy, dude. My only regret is that I"m not riding it to the lunar land myself. [Sighing] That"s pretty special, Funky. Not as cosmic as your bananas, Donkey dude. It"s those golden plantains that give you the cosmic energy to keep those gators hoppin" and Kong Bongo Island free. Funky"s right, DK. Without your Banana slamma energy to protect The Crystal Coconut, we"d all be taking turns as King K. Rool"s doormat. Well, if my bananas are as important as all that, Cranky should"ve chosen me to run this. Not Bluster. [Giggling] Now where is it? I know it"s in here somewhere. [Knocking] No one"s home. Okay. Then no one"s the one I want to see. Cranky, I"ve got to talk to you. Well, you"ve picked the right moment. Listen, I"m... No, you listen to me this time. The time capsule was my idea, so why does Bluster get to run the show? Do you have a rocket ship or barrels to send to the moon? No. Ah-ha! Come on, help me hook this up. A film projector? CRANKY: Yeah, yeah, but that"s not what this is about. There, switch it on. ♪ [All laughing] ♪ Ooh, ooh, just like TV. Yeah, but I can still feel the bumps. ♪ [All laughing] CRANKY: I"m gonna put this movie in the capsule. [Laughing] K. Rool is gonna make a donation without even knowing it! [Laughing] Oh, good one, Cranky. Future generations will come to know him as King Clown. [Laughing] Keep an eye on The Crystal Coconut, Donkey Kong. I"ve got to get this film to Bluster. There"s got to be something you could offer. Something really special. Yeah, but what? [Whirring] DIDDY KONG: Something distinctive, something really significant. Yeah, something only the future ruler of Kongo Bongo could give. [Cheering] Huh? That"s it. I"ve got it. Diddy! Uh, what? Why don"t you go give your drums to Bluster? There isn"t much time left till blast off. Okay, sure thing. See you later. ♪ I"m sick, I'm depressed. I feel awful. I can"t do anything with no fangs. Where did K. Rool hide my dentures? Stand down, soldier. We"re on official business. [Tires squealing] KLUMP: Yes, sir, King K. Rool, sir. Oh, it was great. It was like we were on television. Oh, you"re very photogenic, sir. Especially in the scene where you stretch out like a bungee cord after getting ejected from the foot bridge. Not the foot bridge fiasco. Oh, yes, sir. All your venomous inventions and other feats of war are being expedited to the moon. Ooh, ooh, every one of your failed plans. Your bungee barrel. Candy clone. K. ROOL: Shut up! Don"t you morons even realize? I"ll be King Fool to future generations thanks to Cranky and that film. It"s an outrage, a catastrophe. Blow that spaceship up! Ah, it won"t be long now before the name of Bluster goes down in history. And the name of Donkey Kong. When you didn"t come by with Cranky and Diddy, I thought you"d given up. No way. And this is a donation you can"t refuse. Is that so? Why? Because I"m not gonna show it to you. I"ll put it in myself. [Buzzing] [Gasping] What are you doing here? Why, we"ve come to blow up your spaceship. Thanks for askin". You can"t do that. You don"t have the right. But we got the bombs. Mommy. Okay, Krusha, on the count of three. One... And two... And? Run for our lives! [Bombs exploding] Oh, oh. [Screaming] Hey, DK, we"re back! Are you gonna tell us what your great idea is? That numbskull. He"s supposed to be watching the... [Gasping] The Crystal Coconut! It"s gone! Who could"ve taken it? Oh, no. DK! DK? Yes, he said he found something perfect to put in the time capsule. Oh! He must"ve been talking about The Crystal Coconut. Of all the dim-witted, scatterbrained, crazy things DK has ever done, this is the limit! [Both grunting] K. Rool, K. Rool, I brought you a present. Donkey Kong! What are you doing... [Growling] I"m warnin' you. I better not catch you messin" with the time capsule. "Cause it was my idea and it's going to the moon. It"s so good to have them back. To the launch site. [Both moaning] Should we go after them? Not me. I"m stayin' here where it"s safe. [Tires squealing] ♪ [Tires squealing] [Tires squealing] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh. Oh. [Beeping] Six... five... Hold everything! Meet Junior... ALL: The Giant Klaptrap? Stop K. Rool! The Crystal Coconut is in that rocket. What? Don"t eat, Junior! Don"t eat! Quick, barrels, more barrels. Wood is his favourite dish. My barrels! Who"s going to pay for them? Good boy! DK, no! ♪ Why on Earth did you put The Crystal Coconut on the rocket ship? Oh, how will I ever become dictator now without it? I didn"t put it there, you twit. Then who did? I should have guessed. You Neanderthal numbskull! DK! What were you thinking? Have you lost your mind? ALL: Why did you put it in the rocket ship? I thought it was a good idea. Putting The Crystal Coconut on a rocket ship and blasting it to the moon is a good idea? Are you crazy, Cranky? That"s a bad idea. You didn"t put it on there, did you? No, DK, you did! No, I didn"t. I hid it somewhere for safekeeping while I went off to write my song. Your song? You mean it wasn"t aboard the rocket ship? No, why would I send The Crystal Coconut to the moon? It wasn"t in there? You idiot! You moron! Thanks to you my greatest failures are up there for all time. For starters, those dentures are confiscated. [Sobbing] So you wrote a song? Inspired by The Crystal Coconut and now sitting on the moon for future generations. Huh? Must be some song, DK. It is, Diddy. ♪ Kongo Bongo Island, we stand brave and true ♪ ♪ We"ll fight for her honour, and Inka Dinka Doo ♪ ♪ From on top of the white mountains ♪ ♪ Your glory rises high ♪ To the skyyyyyyyy ♪ From vine to vine, it"s so divine ♪ ♪ When you"re swinging on a Kongo Bongo line ♪ ♪ Our ocean view is powder blue, there"s so much to inspire you ♪ ♪ Can"t you feel the heat? ♪ ♪ Rising up through your feet! ♪ On the island ♪ The island of Kongo Bongo ♪ Everybody, come on, dance and sing along now ♪ DIDDY: Arrriba! ♪ The tropics brings your mind at ease ♪ ♪ Sittin" under tall banana trees ♪ ♪ Coconuts galore and so much more ♪ ♪ You"ll be dancin' on the shore ♪ ♪ There"s no need to think twice ♪ ♪ It"s an olive paradise ♪ ♪ On the island, the island of Kongo Bongo ♪ ♪ Everybody, come and dance and sing along now ♪ ♪ Island, the island of Kongo Bongo ♪ ♪ Everybody, come and dance and sing along now ♪ [Applauding] DIDDY: Hey, big guy, that was great. CANDY: Oh, DK. I got to hand it to you, you kook. Way to go, DK. Very cool, dude. My rocket ship, it dropped off the capsule and it"s coming back. It looks like it"s headed for... ALL: K. Rool"s. [Rocket ship exploding] [K. Rool whimpering] KLUMP: Well, I thought it was safe here. [K. Rool whimpering] ♪ |