 "Now, off you go!! See if you can't finish this ridiculous article without my help!"
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Act 1[]
Diddy: Jumpin' jungle-lance! What did you say? DK: It's the anniversary of the first time I broke a date with Candy! So I'm gonna write her a love letter using Funky's plane! Diddy: Yoo-hoo! Anybody home? Who celebrates that anniversary? It's like celebrating your first toothache! DK: I know! But we had so much fun on our real anniversary, now Candy wants to celebrate everything! Diddy: (Chuckles) You got it! Bad, big guy! Candy's turned you into a robot! Funky: Alright, DK dude! Ready to make like poet and paint the sky with your cosmic message of love? DK: Maybe I'll catch up to you later, little buddy. Funky and DK take off in the former's plane. At Cranky's Cabin, Cranky is working on a new robot. Cranky: Now, I just turn it on... (He flips the power button, but is electrocuted and falls to the floor) Woah! (He then gets up) Now, let's see if it works. Robot! Walk! The robot walks over to a counter with a unfinished barrel on it Cranky: Robot! Stop! The robot stops Cranky: Robot! Get to work! The robot works on the barrel Cranky: Robot! Stop working! The robot stops working Cranky: Works like a charm. I could build a mechanical barrel worker in my sleep! But, for real inventing genius... (Picks up a brain transfer helmet) These brain transfer helmets have to be my piece of resistance! Outside, General Klump is spying on cranky General Klump: Enemy security has been breached. And I know who's gonna love this gossip. (Chuckles) I mean, intelligent. At Bluster's Barrelworks, we keep on the cutting edge of technology. We're driving in the fast lane on the information highway. 'Automation, innovation.' That's my new motto! Bluster's Barrelworks is getting a barrel-making robot! A barrel-making robot? But that's my job! Don't worry, Candy. You're being promoted. The boss... that's me... needs a personal assistant. You know, to take letters, answer phones, join me on picnics. In your dreams, Bluster! You could be investing in my future by giving me a raise. Candy, a robot will be able to work all day, never complain, and never leave early to go for long lunches with Donkey Kong! For your information, I can do more work than any robot. And what's more, I'll bet I can train anybody to make barrels faster than your robot. Anybody? Anybody! Okay, I'll bet you that my robot can do as good as, or better than, the laziest ape on the island. Who, DK? I mean, you're on! If I win, you give me a raise. And if I win, you come on a picnic with me! Deal! DK is incapable of work, hard or easy. But he is awfully sweet. Krusha, bring me a... a barrel of... salt? Uh, here it is. Oh, let's see. I'm cooking; there's the pot. Maybe I want it in the pot! Whatcha making? This is my mother's recipe for muffins. Muffins fit for a king! Bleh! Oh, Klump, just in time to see me put the final touches on my mother's magnificent muffins. Care for a taste? Uh, negative, sir. General Klump, returning from a successful recognizance mission behind enemy lines! What earth-shattering news do you have to report, Klump? The bananas aren't ripe, and the monkeys are in a tizzy? Cranky has invented a new contraption, Your Flaky Pastriness! And what might that be? It's a device that transfers knowledge from brain to brain! Given my choices, I think I'll stay with the brain I have now. Now, if it transferred power, well, then we'd have something. Of course, knowledge is power, and knowledge comes from books! And if the device could transfer that knowledge to me... Klump! I need that machine! I want you two numbskulls to get me that machine! And if you do, I'll have some of Mother's muffins waiting for you! Okay, DK, dude! Let's finish this up! Later, dude! Ahhh! [Crashing] Oh, look who's here. Donkey Kong! Nice of you to drop in. I got some errands to run. You keep your eye on the Coconut, and don't touch anything! Relax, Cranky! You can count on me. I mean it! Keep your mitts to yourself. Come to Daddy, my little yellow friends. What? No bananas? That's even worse than... there's nothing worse than no bananas! Hey, look, I'm General Klump. Ten-hut! Find some bananas, soldier! [DK's voice] Whoa, I don't know what just happened. Ahh! But whatever it was, it sure made me hungry. I got to have a banana, or I'm going to pass out! |
Act 2[]
Ugh! Look at you, fast asleep, and too lazy to even crawl onto the couch? And playing with my experiments! Wake up, DK! Now, hop to it! DK, give it a rest! Honestly, even Bluster's robot has more brains than you! DK, where is that robot? Yes, Cranky, where is my robot? He wouldn't! He couldn't! He must have. You're not going to believe this, Bluster. DK and the robot switched brains. The robot has DK's brain! In that case, I expect a discount. Now, where is it? Uh, not here. Hoo, boy! I got to go find it. Just stay here, and don't touch anything, either of you! Trying to get good help these days, it's like banging your head against the wall. Obedient, isn't he? Hmm. I paid for a robot, and I'm entitled to a robot. Even a big, hairy, ugly one. Robot, stop! Robot, walk. Bananas, got to find bananas! Hey, Diddy! Care to join me for a little power snack? How'd you do that? Where are you hiding? It's a trick, isn't it, ha ha! What? What, tell me! Are you feeling okay? Okay, DK, you got me! Joke's over, so come on out! [Chuckling] Whoa! Help, Diddy! I've fallen, and I can't get up! Can you pass me a banana, little buddy? DK, is that really you? Who else would it be? ♪ Is there something you should tell me, big buddy? ♪ ♪ Are you aware of the glare from the sun shining off of your hair? ♪ ♪ I don't know what you mean ♪ ♪ It's just a healthy sheen ♪ ♪ I must admit I feel a little strange ♪ ♪ But I've never felt better ♪ ♪ I'm stronger than ever ♪ ♪ Can't you see nothing's changed ♪ [Sounds of computer beeping] ♪ I don't know how to tell you, metal buddy ♪ ♪ But you look just like a solar-powered turbo-charged washing machine ♪ ♪ I'm not light on my feet ♪ ♪ No, I clank and I squeak ♪ But my voice is the same when I speak ♪ ♪ My hand looks like aluminum foil ♪ ♪ Does this mean that I need a tune-up and a change of oil? ♪ ♪ I'm a metal-head ♪ ♪ A metal-head, a metal-head ♪ A metal-head ♪ I'm a metal-head ♪ ♪ A metal-head, a metal-head ♪ A metal-head I trust all that primping is for the purpose of our picnic date. I'd rather go on the picnic with your stupid robot than go with you! To be blunt, Candy, I think you've already been there, done that. Let me introduce you to my new robot. Robot, walk in! DK? DK, what's the big idea? Is this some kind of joke? Now, watch this. Robot, work! CANDY: What's going on here? How'd you do that? Simple, he's a robot. Cranky was able to put a brain where before there was none. And now, he does exactly what I tell him, which means I win our little bet! Come on, DK, the joke is over! Don't forget, a bet's a bet! I don't know what's going on, but it's not funny, and I'm mad at you both! And as far as I'm concerned, you can go cuddle with Bluster from now on! BLUSTER: Wait, stop! No, ahh! What if Cranky can't do anything? Then, I'd stay out of the rain if I were you. I leave you alone for five minutes, and look what happens! You do know how to switch DK back, don't you, Cranky? Nothing could be easier. Phew! Except one thing. What? I don't have your other body anymore. How could you lose my body?! I went out to look for the metal you, and left the big hairy you alone with Bluster. He must have taken you to be his robot. He better not be working me too hard. Enough! Oh, you brainless bag of bones! Ahh! Robot, stop working! Phew! That's better. Finally, some peace and quiet. Robot, you give me a pain in the neck. Wait! No, Robot, no! Now, remember the plan. We decoy and attack on the coconut, and then, grab the helmet gizmos. Mm, not the coconut? We always want the coconut. Oh, never mind! Let's go. CRANKY: And this time, don't touch anything, or I'll turn you into a toaster oven! We'll be back in no time, big buddy! Crocs! Donkey Kong, get them! BOTH: Donkey Kong? Banana slamma! Ah, looks like a break-dancing jukebox! Get them, Robot! Oops, I think I broke it. Cranky, they got the helmets! Looks like it's up to us. Come on, you big palookas! I'm not afraid of you. Put 'em up! Come on, I dare you. Ahh! Strike, let's go! They're getting away! I'm going after them. What? Oh, at least they didn't get the coconut. Argh! DK and Bluster, I... I can't believe they'd team up against me. Why, when I get my hands on them again... Heh, the boss will be happy with this. Oh, no! I'm out of uniform! Uh, got to get the gizmos! Oh, oh, don't forget the General, too. [General Klump's voice] Whoa! A little shell-shocked, but otherwise, A-OK. Takes more than a little bump to put a five-star general out of commission. I've been trying to lose weight, but this is ridiculous! Candy, you see Klump and Krusha? Salute when you address an officer, Private! Why would I salute you, Candy? Oh, no reason. Uh, I mean... [High-pitched] No reason! What's the matter with your voice? Sounds like you have a frog in your throat. Or even a croc. What? Who said that? Candy, it's me, DK! Oh, you're a walking, talking walkie-talkie! I mean, uh... [High-pitched] Is that you, Your Pumpkinness? I can explain, I think. Somehow, my brain ended up inside Bluster's robot, and then, while I was trying to save the Crystal Coconut, Krusha knocked my block off. Yeah, he darn-near tore you in two! Uh, I mean, too bad! Shouldn't we go after those guys? Nah! I think we could reconnoitre at Cranky's place! BOTH: Re... connoitre? We wouldn't want to risk that devilishly clever General Klump getting his hands on the Crystal Coconut! |
Act 3[]
And you're sure this is the right invention? That was the only gizmo. Excellent! Supreme and ultimate knowledge, and a jaunty fashion statement! Ha ha! Oh, I love it! [sees Krump tied up] What on Earth are you doing tied up like that? He's broken. Untie him, now! [As Candy] How dare you tie me up? Didn't anyone ever tell you that's no way to treat a lady? Donkey Kong is going to skin you and use your hide for hiking boots if you don't let me go this instant! General Klump, pull yourself together! Klump?! Are you blind? Do I look like Klump to you? As a matter of fact, (pulls out a mirror to show it to Klump) yes. (checks herself as Klump in horror) Oh, no! What happened to me? I need some moisturizer now! (faints) How very strange. It looks like Klump and... [Sniffing] It definitely smells like Klump. And yet, he sounds like... Candy, Candy Kong! Somehow, there must have been a switch. Ooh, it really works! It really, really works! Now, I have the power to suck all the knowledge from every book in Kongo Bongo! I'll be brilliant! I'll be the smartest being on the island! You could read every book on the island, and you'd still be only half as smart as the Crystal Coconut! You're right. You bet I am, buster! Maybe I don't need every book on the island. Maybe I just need to hook myself up to the Crystal Coconut! [Laughing] Oh, it's brilliant! And diabolical! Oh, I love it! Thank you, General. That's quite possibly the best idea you've ever had. Krusha, let's go get the coconut! DK: Is it fixed? Am I all better? Can I walk? Ah, don't get ahead of yourself. Hey, hey! I made a funny! Ah, I give up. I can't fix it. KLUMP: Uh, shouldn't we be planning a raid on the boss's... I mean, ahem, K. Rool's lair, to get back that brain-switch thingy? You're probably right about that, Candy. And I'll guard the coconut! Around-the-clock sentries, um, undercover surveillance! Huh? Just guarding it the best way a gal knows how! [Giggling] I'll stay and guard it with Candy, in case any intruders show up! What are you gonna do, DK? Head-butt them? [Laughing] I know, I know! He'll play head games with them! [Laughing] Head games, that's good! [Laughing] No, hold on, DK will be okay. He's got a good head off his shoulders! Oh, this is giving me a headache. Headache! Ha, ha, get it? Headache. [Laughing] You know, DK, you could always head 'em off at the pass! After giving them a head start, ha ha ha! [Laughing] Okay, that's enough! All of you, head on out of here. Whoo-hoo! That's using your, heh, head! Ha! [All laughing] I should just quite while I'm a... head? [Laughing] You sure you can handle this, Candy? No croc is going to steal the coconut when I'm around! Not even that ruggedly handsome General Klump! Ooh! No croc's going to steal the coconut, because I'm gonna steal it myself! [Laughing] Candy, what are you doing here? Oh, dear, Robot, stop. Well, Cranky's not around, so uh, see ya! What's the matter with your voice? Uh... [Coughing] A little cold! Say, as long as we're alone, maybe we could start our picnic date. What do you say my adorable little pet? [Kissing] Oh, you, you are way out of line, soldier! [Punching] I'll tell Cranky you stopped by! Ugh! Argh, ugh! CRANKY: Okay, Klump, we're here. We want to... Hey, why are you all tied up? It certainly took you long enough! Now, will you untie me already? ALL: Candy? Of course I'm Candy! Who do I look like? Where's DK? I know that he must be behind all this craziness. Hi, Candy! [Screaming] DK, is that you? You look terrible! Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? Never mind all the lovey-dovey stuff. We've got to find the transfer helmets! King K. Rool has them! He's going to use them to transfer the power of the coconut into his brain! If he does that, there'll be no stopping him! The coconut! Don't worry, Cranky. Candy's guarding it. No, I'm not! ALL: Klump! Hey, Robot Monkey! Bring me something to eat! I'm waitin', soldier! Now, step on it! Hey! General Klump reporting the successful capture of the Crystal Coconut! Klump, you're out of uniform. [Chuckling] But considering the success of your mission, I'll ignore it this time. Donkey Kong! He's harmless. Watch this. Robot, walk on your hands! Good trick, ha ha! Oh, enough fooling around. If I wanted to watch a trained monkey do some tricks, I'd buy a ticket to the circus. Go make a barrel or something. Ah, what are you doing? Klump, I thought you said he was harmless! Just in time. Banana slamma! Uh, that's it for me. Good move, Diddy! Now, watch out! He's going left! Hey, DK, enough with the back seat fighting! You better not have damaged that body, you slimy tadpole! You call this a body? I eat pretzels fatter than this! Diddy, quick! Throw me DK's brain! Don't miss, Cranky! Now, to put your brain back where it belongs. I'm me, and I'm back! Will you get me out of this? My pleasure. Banana slamma! Much obliged. Whoa! Okay, Klump, this has gone on long enough. Put the helmet on! I... I'm me again! And my skin is so soft! Oh, you must tell me your secret. A little moisturizer twice a day works wonders! Is that really you, Candy? It's me! Want a kiss? Um, ah, not just yet. Are you Klump? No... uh, yes. And I'll be retreating right now. Exactly my plan, too! Okay, I'll take that kiss now! Cranky, I demand my money back. I paid for a robot, and I got nothing but trouble. You're right, Bluster. We had some technical problems, but I think we got the bugs worked out. Forget it! That robot's even dumber than Donkey Kong, if such a thing were possible. I'll give him to you for free. Not interested! I've had it with robots. Robots give me a giant pain in the backside. [Robotic voice] Pain in backside! Ah! It's a figure of speech!
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