 "You wouldn't know a good article if you were reading it!"
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Act 1[]
Boiling bananas! This is some heat wave! Oh, I'm melting! Let's hit the beach, DK! A very cool idea, Diddy. Want to come swimming, Candy? Oh, I'd love to, Donkey Kong. But unlike you two who can lay around all day, I've got to get back to work. See you after work, Candy! What's with her? BLUSTER: Oh, give it up, lover boy. Can't you see she's finally getting tired of your lack of initiative? What's that supposed to mean? Candy wants a monkey who's made something out of himself. Like me! The sun overheat your thick skull, Bluster? Or don't you remember, I'm going to be the leader of Kongo Bongo Island some day. The Crystal Coconut says so! Coconut, schmoconut! I'm a success right now! I don't need any Crystal Coconut mumbo-jumbo to win Candy's hand! Yeah, all you need is a mummy who owns a barrel factory! [Laughing] Guess we told him, right, DK? Uh, DK? What's the matter? What if Bluster's right? I mean, if it wasn't for the Crystal Coconut, maybe Candy wouldn't even talk to me. Maybe I shouldn't be... Standing around, flapping your gums and doing nothing, as usual! I've been searching every patch of shade on the island looking for you, you big knucklehead. I'm going on a... DIDDY: What? I'm going... argh! Donkey Kong, what kind of monkey shines are you up to? I was thinking I might start up a business, like a barrel factory or... A business? You've got no business going into business. You'd lose your shirt! That's okay, I don't wear a shirt. Then, you'd lose your tie. Besides which, your business is guarding the Crystal Coconut while I'm gone for a couple of days, collecting ingredients for my potions. This heat wave is bound to have that swamp slime K. Rool and his cold-blooded pack of reptiles on the boil. K. ROOL: Lovely heat wave we're having, wouldn't you say, General Klump? [Laughing] I feel positively frisky! Affirmative, Your Hot-and-Sweatiness! Whoo, hotter than spit in a griddle, King K. Rool! Behold, the plans for my latest Donkey Kong doomsday device. I call it... [Laughing] The K.C.C.B.M.! [Laughing] The kussboom? I think you need to recruit some more vowels, sir! You idiot, the letters stand for the K. Rool to Crystal Coconut and Back Missile! The tracking system hones in on the Crystal Coconut. The mechanical arms snatch it up, and the return boosters bring it back home with a prize! Ha, ha! Ah, brilliant, as usual, Your Nimble-mindedness! I'll gear up for production immediately! Wait till I get my sweaty palms on that Crystal Coconut! Then, things will really heat up all over Kongo Bongo! Maybe it would have been better if I'd never found the Crystal Coconut. But then, you wouldn't know about becoming leader of Kongo Bongo some day. Exactly! And instead of sitting around waiting for the Crystal Coconut's prophecy to come true, I'd be out making something of myself. All right, DK. I know something you're real good at. You do? Yeah, lunch! But we just had lunch. That was Candy's lunch! We still haven't had Cranky's yet. Uh-oh, bad news, DK. Looks like Cranky's all out of bananas. Well,... let's split a coconut, little buddy. Whoa! Steamed coconut milk? It is hot! If only I knew how much longer I'll have to wait to be the leader of Kongo Bongo. No need to work up a sweat over it, DK. Why don't you just chill out? Whoa! Mmm! Oh, Diddy! Diddy, you got to try this! Ah, now this is the way to really chill out! You mean, coconut-chill out! Coconut chill! Oh, great idea, DK! Just what we need in the middle of a big heat wave! Diddy, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you want a thrill, Try a Coconut Chill Step right up, it's only two bananas ♪ If you're hot, it'll fill the bill ♪ ♪ This idea's real sweet ♪ ♪ Just from trying to beat the heat ♪ ♪ I'll be so successful, I'll sweep Candy off her feet ♪ ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success [Diddy laughing] ♪ ♪ Only one at a time ♪ That's right, you're doing fine ♪ ♪ It's a long time to wait for that coconut shake ♪ ♪ This groovy chilling cold makes me want to do barrel rolls ♪ ♪ Imagine how surprised ♪ Candy won't believe her eyes ♪ ♪ I can't believe my eyes ♪ ♪ They're doing well on their first try ♪ ♪ Things are looking up ♪ I just can't believe our luck ♪ ♪ Between me and you ♪ There ain't nothing we can't do ♪ ♪ It's like a dream come true ♪ ♪ Next stop, Park Avenue ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success ♪ We're on the road ♪ ♪ The road to success ♪ Donkey Kong and Diddy are onto something bigger than they realize. And somehow, I've got to get in on it!
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Act 2[]
Uh, negative. All's quiet as a gator in a purse factory, sir. That's precisely what I'm talking about, you lunkhead! Where are the pounding hammers? Squeaking machinery? Moaning Kritters? They're supposed to be busting their tails building my K.C.C.B.M.! [Kritters sighing happily] My entire workforce has gone AWOL! What are those empty-headed minions up to? I shall initiate covert recognizance procedures immediately, sir. Mmm! Delicious! You know, uh, they say it's nice to share. I'll share my foot with your tail if you don't get me more of these delicious treats! Now! Oh, affirmative, Your Greedy-guts! [Kritters being clobbered] Banana slamma. I thought we'd never get a break in the action. We've made quite a pile! Here's to us, (as DK laughs) Kongo Bongo's two newest big shots! Wait till Candy sees... BOTH: We're closed! Now, now, (opens the door) that's not proper customer relations, boys. And besides, (enters the room) this is opportunity knocking. It's obvious you need my big business know-how to make your little Coconut Chill operation a real success. You can't paddle the canoe half-way. Huh? You can't go up the stairs without coming back down. What? The bigger you think, the bigger big shot you become, and the more you'll impress Candy. Oh, Candy! Why didn't you just say so? I'm all ears! And I'm in for 50%. Good! That's the last one, sir. The last? But I only got a tiny sample of these delicious treats! Ahem! I'm afraid you ain't the only one with a hankering for a chill, Your Royal Hogginess. Now look what you've done, Klump. Unless you chill out these ornery critters, I'm going to have a mutiny on my hands! (getting an idea) I have it! I will take this last specimen back to the lab, and analyze the secret ingredients! Soon... [Giggling] We will be manufacturing our own Coconut Chills! Only better! [Snoring] Well, Klump? Klump!
I trust since you are napping so soundly, you've managed to discover the Coconut Chill's secret ingredients? Things are coming to the boiling point, and I don't mean outside! Behold! Uh, the first Cool K. Rool, ready for the taste-test. Uh, I need a volunteer! Fortunately for you,... [Laughing] I just had yet another brilliant and devious idea! [Laughing] With a small adjustment to the homing device, my K. Rool to Crystal Coconut and Back Missile can become the K. Rool to Coconut Chill and Back Missile! Eep! [Diddy groaning] Nobody ever told us the road to success was all uphill! You said it, Diddy. When Bluster said we got to think big, I wasn't thinking about picking a big pile of coconuts in the blazing sun! [Playing trumpet] ♪ It's so hard ♪ ♪ Too hard ♪ This workin' life isn't for me ♪ ♪ Can't you see the road to success ♪ ♪ Is nothing but back-break and stress ♪ ♪ Please get me out of this mess ♪ ♪ 'Cause this Coconut Chill is a bitter pill ♪ ♪ The road to success is all uphill ♪ Oh, that's the truth! ♪ Now, listen here, little buddy ♪ ♪ Rome wasn't built in a day ♪ ♪ If you look at the bigger picture ♪ ♪ All of the obstacles will fade away ♪ ♪ The Coconut Chill should give you a thrill ♪ ♪ The road to success leads over the hill ♪ ♪ It's all uphill ♪ ♪ Just over the hill Just over the hill? ♪ Just over the hill It's over the hill, ha, ha! Yeah! ♪ BLUSTER: Oh, yes, Mumsy! My Coconut Chill business is a booming success. Wow, look at all those chills, DK! [Giggling] The bananas must be really piling up! Speaking of which, I'm starving. Yeah, time to finally 'peel' some of the profits, ha ha ha! So, where are they, partner? I sent out for ice. Huh? I traded the bananas to Eddie the Yeti for more ice, to make more chills, to make even more bananas. Eddie the Yeti say no charge for delivery! Hee, hee, hee! The ice is due to arrive at any moment. Lunch break is over! It's time to get to work! Oh, there's that word again.
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Act 3[]
That's just great, DK. So, Candy... You want to go for a swim with Kongo Bongo's newest success? No! Great, we can... No? I'd rather go swimming with a shark than a boring old big shot Bluster clone like you! I don't get it. Candy's supposed to be impressed! Something isn't going right here. Oh, you're telling me! [Groaning] This easy life is killing me! [Groaning] CRANKY: Donkey Kong! What are you doing here, you knuckle-dragging numbskull? You'll never believe it! Diddy and I have gone into business with... Gone goofy, is more like it. You're supposed to be at my place, keeping an eye on the Crystal Coconut! Don't worry, Cranky! I took it for safe-keeping. It's right over... (sees the coconut gone) uh-oh! It was right here a minute ago! Safe-keeping, huh? Of all the lame-brained, empty-skulled knuckle-headed... Found it! Hey, whoa! Here it is, Cranky! Ahh! Cranky? Let me out of here! Cranky! No, stop! With my K.C.C.B.M., we'll be up to our tails in Coconut Chills before you can say, 'Blast off!' KRITTERS: Hooray! I wanted to push the big red button. But you said, 'Blast off!' I didn't get to say anything! Hang on, Cranky! I'm coming! CRANKY: Hey! What's going on out there? This... is... all I need. Uh-oh! Wait, hold that train! Prepare to slurp! Well, time to get to work. [Smashing barrels] Cranky? Ugh, ugh, ugh! Ugh, ah! [Smashing] Ugh! Cranky! A-a-b-bout time you got here, you b-big ba-b-boon! Stores ready! [Gasping] The shipment, it's melting! Kings first! Kings first! Oh, ah, oh! Oh, ow, oh, ah! Back, all of you! I haven't had my fill! KLUMP: Negative, sir! It's every lizard for himself! This is all your fault, you bumbling buffoon! You'll have to make up another shipment, immediately! Give it a rest, Bluster! There's no time for your lazy habits. You'll both have to work round the clock! Oh, what were we thinking, DK? Bluster's got us looking for the easy life, the hard way! I'm with you, Diddy. I don't think I'm cut out to be a successful big shot, no matter how much I thought it would impress Candy. But you can't desert me. We're partners, 50/50. Tell you what, Bluster. We'll sell you our share of the Coconut Chill business for, uh, two bananas. Deal done, sold! [Laughing] You nincompoops! I'll make thousands of bananas, million, ha ha! And they're all mine! What a couple of pushovers! Ha ha, I'm rich! I'm rich! Ah! Feel that cool breeze, Diddy. Hmm, that's not cool, DK. That's cold! I'll be... cold? [Gasping] Brrr! I'll be ruined! Don't look now, ex-partner, but here comes another ice shipment. EDDIE: 24-hour delivery! Run for it! I want my mommy! [Phone ringing] Mumsy? Yes? Don't order any more ice? Sell the Coconut Chill business? But Mumsy! [Donkey Kong sighing] I guess we'll just have to find something else I'm good at, Diddy. CRANKY: Yeah? Well, I know something you're astoundingly good at. Getting yourself into some real numbskull situations. But anybody can do that, you big ape. Not everyone can look after the Crystal Coconut. Yeah! I never thought of it that way before. Of course you didn't! Not everyone has as thick a skull as you, either. Imagine, thinking he needed to become some sort of big-shot business ape to impress me! Oh, I'm sorry, Candy. Can you ever forgive me? I suppose so, DK. But just remember, you'll always be my Coconut Chill. CRANKY: At least we know the Crystal Coconut is safe for a week or two. How do you know that, Cranky? Because after glomming down a few thousand of those confounded Coconut Chills, it'll take that fool K. Rool and his pack of cold-blooded lizards at least that long to thaw out. [Shivering] As s-soon as I digest this s-stomach full of c-chills and w-warm up, I'm going to g-get that C-Crystal C-C-C... Aff-f-firmative, Your C-C-Chilliness! |