[theme song plays]
Act 1[]
 "You wouldn't know a good article if you were reading it!"
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| Cranky is observing a purple chemical of a purple banana substance in a syringe in his cabin Cranky: The nectar of the Tin Banana Tu, perfect, my Kongo Bongo Gone Wrongo Vaccination is all ready! (eats the Tin Banana Tu) Now, where shall I set everyone up Polly Roger is outside, taking a flight Polly Roger: (caws) Feel like I've been kicked and heel-halled, if I could just find a place to rest my weary wings (spots Cranky in his cabin) (caws; charges at Cranky) Ape ahoy! Polly Roger charges at Cranky, getting the syringe stuck in his butt in the process and making himself unconscious Polly Roger: (weakly) Yo... ho (starts snoring) Dixie: Hi Cranky! We're here for our vaccination shot Candy and Dixie notice there is a syringe stuck in Cranky's butt Candy: Cranky, what happened? Cranky: (gets the syringe out his butt) It beats the bananas out of me. I must have slipped the wrist. You're just in time girls, I've got your Kongo Bongo Gone Wrongo vaccination shot all ready Offscreen, Cranky injects their butts, then the needle causes them to get butt pain Candy and Dixie: (rubbing their butts) Cranky: There you go girls, all set, no chance of getting Kongo Bongo Gone Wrongo Disease now Candy: What exactly is Kongo Bongo Gone Wrongo Disease anyway? Cranky: ♪First you get the chills from your head to your toes, then your nose starts to run till it overflows, next you're sneezing so hard you'll throw out your back, then WHAM! Laryngitis stops you dead in your tracks♪ Candy: (in an imaginary scene where she feels cold and she's shaking) ♪When you're shaking so bad and chill to the bone, you're colder than yeti on a banana ice cone Dixie: (in an imaginary scene where she's holding a banana ice-cream with Candy's face on it) ♪You shiver and you quiver, you feel weak and real old. You're freezing, cold and wheezing, you'll look greener than mold!♪ Cranky: ♪The only cure...is the nectar of Tin-Banana-Tu!♪ Candy: ♪It's like having the flu times a hundred and two!♪ Dixie: ♪You'll wind up in bed, but you'll wish you were dead!♪ Cranky: ♪A disease that goes right to your head!♪ Candy: ♪Your voice gets all raspy until you can't talk. You can't speak, and it feels like you've swallowed a sock!♪ Dixie: ♪Soon, you'll hear the sound of your brain cells go pop! Until there's nothing left...♪ Candy and Dixie: ♪Oh, no, please, make it stop!♪ Cranky: ♪The only cure...is the nectar of Tin-Banana-Tu!♪ Candy: How do you get the disease? Cranky: Nobody knows for sure Candy, but it's believed that a tropical toucan is the carrier Polly Roger is still lying on the box. Candy and Dixie exit the cabin Candy: Well at least now I see the importance of getting vaccinated Dixie: You'd have to be a big goofus doofus not to Then Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong enter the scene, with Diddy being unwillingly dragged to the cabin by Donkey Kong for their vaccination Diddy: No DK! I don't want to, you can't make me- Hey Candy, Dix Donkey Kong: Hi girls, bye girls. Relax Diddy, there's nothing to be afraid of Diddy: (enters the cabin unwillingly) I hate need- (sees Cranky's syringe) Aaah! (tries to run away) Donkey Kong: (rolls Diddy up into a ball) You're gonna have your vaccination whether you like it or not. (drops Diddy onto the ground) Banana slam-shot! Polly Roger: (caws) Cranky: Donkey Kong's right, stop being a little sniveller and bend over Diddy places two Coconuts behind his butt to defend himself from the needle Diddy: (laughs) Cranky puts the syringe on the two Coconuts Diddy: Ooh... she... waa-waa! The Coconuts are too hard for the needle Cranky: Geez, Diddy... you're a tough little fella! I know your coconut pop cereal is rich in iron but- (falls back to the chair) Woah! Diddy: What a riot, what a gas! (laughs) Cranky's dumber than a monk- (gets bitten on the butt by Polly Roger) Ow! Jeeping jungle bugs! What was that? Polly Roger flies away There is a small spot on Diddy's butt Cranky: Okay DK, you're next. [Sander buzzing] Oh, if only I could remember what it was. This is so frustrating. What"s wrong, you pimply pock-coned callousedness, sir? I"m trying to remember a dream. Oh, I just love dreams. I had one the other nothing where a big pickle monster was duking it out with Mr. Cheese. It was scrumdilious. Yow, ow! Watch where you"re sanding, you mindless cretin! This dream was special. I had conquered the apes. I was victorious but, oh, I don"t remember how I did it! So be quiet. Let me use my brain. Oh-ha-ha, that"s your tall order on any day, matey. Well, if it isn"t Polly Roger, the brainless buzzard. Everyone knows you"re a double-crossing pilfering parrot who"d sell his own mother to get a single cracker. Are you making me an offer? Go away, birdbrain. I need solitude so that I can delve into the furthest reaches of my cerebral genius. That vaccination shot really hurt. I can"t think of anything more painful. Umph! Urgh! [Crashing] Oh, except for that. [Diddy laughing] It"s not funny, little buddy. I"m not laughing at you, DK. I"m laughing at me. [Diddy tittering] [Fake laughter] Ha-ha, oh, yeah, good one, little... [Diddy laughing] I don"t get it. Well, I pulled a fast one on Cranky. Ha! He thinks he gave me a vaccination, but he didn"t! Oh, ho-ha-ha-ha. [Diddy laughing] Diddy... Who did he give it to? He gave it to... [Laughing] Two coconuts! [Laughing] Are they sick? No, you doofus. I didn"t get the vaccine. The coconuts did. Oh, never mind. You"d better get going, otherwise you"ll be late for your s-s-s-surfing lesson. What"s wrong, little buddy? I don"t know. I just got a ch-chill or something, but I"m okay. You"d better go. Are you sure you"re okay? Yeah. Okay, see you later. Gee, I don"t f-f-feel so good. Maybe I"ll see if C-c-cranky has anything for a c-c-cold. [Sniffling] I"ll take a shortcut through K. Rool"s. It"s f-f-f-faster. A-a-a-achoo! A-a-a-achoo! [Sniffling] Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop. KING K. ROOL: General Klump, come in. Over. Yes, your Sinister Slipperiness? Stop what you"re doing and return to headquarters immediately. But, sir, we"re on EIP duty: Enemy Invasion Patrol, which is kind of an oxymoron since no enemy could invade this impenetrable fortress. The only moron present is you! Now shut your piehole and get your low IQ back to HQ, ASAP, you M-O-R-O-N! I"ve finally remembered how to conquer the apes! [Suppressing sneeze] Ten-four, sir. Over and out. A-choo! Urgh, what ta-hooties was that? Just us b-b-bushes. Have a nice day. Well, mighty neighbourly of you, fellow flora and fauna phenomena. You have yourself a fine day too. Hip-hop, hip-hop. "Conquer the apes?" Oh, no. I"ve got to warn d-d-d-DK. A-choo!! Okay, Donkey Dude, fasten your surf belt and get ready to glide a ride and swerve a curve on a cosmic tide. I"m totally psyched, Funky. BIDDY: A-choo! A-choo! DONKEY KONG: Little buddy, I thought you were going to Cranky"s to check on that cold. I-I-I-I had to come b-b-back and w-w-warn you. A-choo! [Sniffling] Warn me about what? In the j-j-j-jungle, I s-s-s-saw... crrrgh... Crrgh... >> Coconuts? Candy? Chimpanzee saw some merengue dancers? I think I"d better take you back to Cranky"s. [Diddy gasping] I think the little dude is trying to slip you a tip. [Diddy gasping] Charades, okay, okay, okay. I"m really good at this. Go for it. ♪ ♪ Two words ♪ First word "sing" ♪ Sounds like "sing" ♪ A bing, ping, ring ♪ Dingaling ♪ ♪ Second word sounds like "cool" ♪ ♪ Sounds like "cool" ♪ Who"ll, tool, drool, fool ♪ ♪ Oh, I got it ♪ I got it ♪ You wanna sing a dingaling like a cool dancin" fool ♪ ♪ Donkey dude you got it all wrong ♪ ♪ Like your head was on stun ♪ While you were singin" this song ♪ ♪ It"s desperate ♪ ♪ It"s urgent ♪ ♪ Cause Kongo Bongo Island is headed for doom ♪ [Stuttering] Say no more. We are moving and grooving. [Gasping] Don"t you worry. You just get to Cranky"s and take care of yourself. We"ll take care of everything else. [Engine roaring] So what was that about anyway? Little dude said the banana plantation is overrun. We need to thin it out a little. That"s my kind of catastrophe. Banana slamma! [Coughing] I d-d-don"t f-f-feel so good. You"ll feel even worse if you interrupt King K. Rool, so zip it! I want to go rally the entire squadron of Kritter troops. Affirmative, Your Supreme Evilness. [Splattering] I remember my dream. I know how I conquered the apes. [Laughing] [Sneezing] I want to announce it to the entire fleet. I want... >> A-choo!! To announce it with all the pomp and circumstance you can possibly muster. [Krusha sneezing] Oh, for the love of lizards, what is wrong with you, Krusha? [Suppressing sneeze] I think he caught a cold, sir. Nonsense, he was with you. So how do you explain your immunity? I never get sick, sir. I consume no less than 100 garlic cloves a day, whether I needs it or not. [Burping] Squawk, they wouldn"t go for it, there"s a limit to what they"ll put up with. [Coughing] Just gather the troops and... [Sneezing] [Squelching] [Shivering] Ow-ee-ee-ee, sometimes I think you have an extra long needle just for me, Cranky. Don"t be silly, Bluster. CRANKY: Well, that"s the last of the Tim Banana Tu vaccinations. Everyone"s safe from kongo-bongo gone-wrongo disease. BIDDY: A-choo! A-choo!! Biddy, what"s wrong with you? Urgh! Speak up, will you. A-choo!! [Thudding] [Yelling] We don"t have time to play your silly games. Just spit it out! [Groaning] [Squeaking] Funny, Diddy had all the symptoms of kongo-bongo gone-wrongo disease, but that"s impossible. I gave him his Tim Banana Tu vaccination this morning. [Squawking] But he didn"t take it. What? How did you know, you two-bit scum-sucking double dipper? Well, hello to you too, fossil face. Here"s your booty. Cut to the chase. Haw-haw-haw, you didn"t vaccinate Diddy; you vaccinated two coconuts. Grrr, that little numskull! Wouldn"t he need to be bitten by a tropical toucan first? Hello! Not much happening in your crow"s nest, is there? Ha-ha-ha! But if you bit Biddy... >> Uh! That means that our beloved little friend Diddy is... Stealing your chopper. [Engine roaring] What, that little beast? Stop right there, you bandit baboon! Diddy, come back! You need a Tin Banana Tu vaccination. Oh, no, I don"t have anymore. Haw-haw, the action just never stops around here, does it? I need more Tin Banana Tus! I have to find DK so he can help Diddy. Crystal Coconut, with your magical way, use your powers to locate PK. Zip, zam, wham, boom, bam, teleport me using a hologram! Kritter troops, prepare to meet your maker. ALL: Hurray! Hurray, hurray! A-choo!! Krusha, I order you to be silent. Oh, I was just... urgh... Well done, soldier. Militant mutants, mindless minions and homespun... urrrh... [Shivering] halfwits... urgh... I, King K. Rool, Supreme Master of Evil, come before you to unfurl my... [Shivering] my powerful plan to conquer the apes. [Shivering] A-a-a-a-choo! [Spluttering] My plan... use force by... urgh! By silencing them? By pointing the dirty finger and wagging it at them harshly? Don"t... >> My nasty hostile aggressive force? [Groaning] I blow them up? You want me to blow up the island? Genius, sir, pure genius. I"ll get on it right away. Arggh! I"ll start at the ape camp and work my way back here, sir. Argh! Squawk, I"d help out, ha-ha-ha, but I"m just a brainless buzzard, a double-crossing pilfering parrot who"d sell his own mother to get a single cracker. [Squawking] Hip-hop, hip-hop, we"re loyal to K. Rool by blowing things up. Hip-hop, hip-hop, Kritters! March! Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop! [Burping] I"ve had enough bananas to last a lifetime. I couldn"t move even if a 10-ton animal was going to drop out of the sky for no good... Ahh! Argh! [Mumbling] Funky, do you know what he"s saying? Squawk, what he"s trying to say is K. Rool is going to blow up the island. Is that what you"re trying to tell me, little buddy? [Mumbling] It"s a long story. Better make tracks, D. Man. Yeah, before it gets worse. [Hissing] Diddy"s got stage four of kongo-bongo gone-wrongo disease. If it goes to stage five, his brain is going to start popping like corn. BOTH: it just got worse! He needs a vaccination. It"s not that simple, Diddy. I ran out of vaccine. [Squealing] DK, you"re going to have travel to the far side of the White Mountains to the plantation of Tin Banana Tu. The nectar from that banana is the only thing that can save Diddy. That"s really interesting, but not as interesting as what he"s about to tell you. Well, I can"t go anywhere right now. I have to stop K. Rool from blowing up the island! What? At least it can"t get worse. [Squawking] Time is running out. Who are you going to save: your little sidekick or the whole island? Tick-tock, tick-tock. BOTH: It just got worse! Aye, and on that note, I"m off. [Diddy squealing] An island without my little buddy isn"t an island worth living on, which is why I"m going to do both. I"m going to go to the Tin Banana Tu plantation and bring back a cure for Diddy. Then I"m going to come back here and stop K. Rool from blowing up the island. DK and Funky, you go get the Tin Banana Tus. Diddy, you get back to my cabin. I"ll go find Klump to try to knock some sense into that empty skull of his. [Thudding] [Chuckling] Hey, brain dead, I want to talk to you. Do you even know what you"re doing? Urgh, I"m, um, implementing Operation Blow Up the Island by order of King K. Rool. He didn"t order this, you numbskull! You got it wrong. If you blow up the island, then you blow up too. Oh, I get it; it"s a trick. You"re playing mind games with me. You"d need a mind in order for me to do that, you cement-headed salamander. Now call it off! Only the High Commander CEO of HQ can call off an operation. Fine, fine, I"ll talk to K. Rool! [Sniffling] Squawk, you think this is bad? Ha-ha. Wait until the brain-popping stuff kicks in. Ohhh! There goes one now. Blergh! I know of a cure: the nectar from the Tin Banana Tu. Arrgh! POLLY: Nice backhand, buccaneer! Argh! DONKEY KONG: The Tin Banana Tu plantation. Talk about good karma. FUNKY: And one rocking pilot! And talk about luck: just one Tin Banana Tu left. Squawk, that will be mine. [Laughing] Funny thing about karma: when it"s good, whoa, it be sweet, but when it"s bad, well, you know. Wait a sec. Who says we have to let him get away with that? [Squawking] [Engine roaring] [Mumbling incoherently] [Brakes screeching] [Squawking] Grrr! Listen up, matey. I"m the captain of this here booty, and the way I see it, I could give it to either of you. The question is, who"s got more to offer? Ho, ho-ho-ho! Your turn, banana breath. I"ve got a really great tie collection. [Mumbling] Squawk! By a landslide victory, the Tin Banana Tu goes to King... Ow! Banana slamma! I"ve got the Tin Banana Tu! What are you waiting for? Take the cure back to Diddy! Not so fast! If K. Rool"s brain pops to completion, then he can"t warn Klump to back off Operation Blow Up the Island. Hmm-mmm. He"s right, Donkey Kong. What am I going to do? If I don"t save Diddy, I'll lose my little buddy, but if I don"t save K. Rool, the whole island is going to be raining coconuts. Coconuts: that"s it! Huh? This is your only chance, K. Rool. I"ll give you the Tin Banana Tu, but you have to promise to call off your troops. What about Diddy? There"s no time to explain. [Munching] Whoa, I thought that only worked with a needle. I only use the needle for theatrics. [Burping] Trust me, you wouldn"t want to eat a Tin Banana Tu either. Oh, no, look, the talentless star Klump. You homespun halfwit, come in! I hope it"s not too late. This is my finest hour. K. ROOL: Klump, come in! Do you read me? [Moaning] [Smashing coconuts] [Vibrating] Jeeping jungle bugs, I"m cured! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Banana slamma! [Coconut whizzing] [Smashing] Mmm, yummy! [Groaning] [Crashing] KING K. ROOL: Klump, stop, stop!! [Ground rumbling] Yow! Yoo-oo, hoo-hoo! Oh! FUNKY: When karma is sweet! POLLY: Ha-ha-ha-ha! [Squawking] Yo-ho-ho and a... oh! Ah, forget it. ♪ |
Act 2[]
| "You wouldn't know a good article if you were reading it!"
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Act 3[]
| "You wouldn't know a good article if you were reading it!"
|