 "The trouble with you kids, is that you're all too soft!"
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Act 1[]
At Cranky's Cabin. Candy: This year's Kongo Bongo Bananarama is gonna be the best one yet, Cranky! And of course, my favourite part of our traditional celebration... Cranky: Winning the Kongo Bongo Orangutango dance contest with Funky, like you do every year, Candy. Candy: No one can dance like that Funky. Cranky: And a good thing, too. I'd be afraid to have to award first prize to anyone else, a wish from the magic, mystical Crystal Coconut. Could you imagine if Bluster won the wish, or even Donkey Kong? Well, I'm just pleased it's Funky. It's the same wish every year, a super-big surf wave. King K. Rool: We come in peace. Cranky: Come to steal my Crystal Coconut, is it? King K. Rool: (laughing) It's not the coconut I'm after, you moth-eaten monkey. I'm here to inform you that I'm entering your pathetic little dance contest. Cranky: No way, lizard lips! If you won, your wish would be to become ruler of all Kongo Bongo Island! King K. Rool: That, um... that did cross my mind. I understand Flaky... Flunky... or whatever your bohemian baboon calls himself has talent. Cranky: Coming out his ears. Know what ears are, drawbridge chops? King K. Rool: So he has talent and ears! But I've been training for years, and I'm not talking Arthur Furry. I trained at the "Sorbuns.' Cranky: Well, "Sorbuns' or not, it takes two to orangutango. You still need a partner. King K. Rool: A minor snag, I assure you. Cranky: No soft-headed, soft-shoed lizard's gonna get the better of me! That is, unless he pulls one of his dirty tricks and does win. Then we're in big trouble, Candy! Candy: We have to warn Funky and Donkey Kong. Cranky: (gasping) The Idol of Inka Dinka Doo! Could mean trouble. Donkey Kong's going to have to check it out right away. Candy: Then, it's a good thing Donkey Kong's not the one who's dancing in the contest. Cranky: In more ways than one. Donkey Kong: Hey, I think I"ve got the hang of it. Dance is easy. Whoa! [Crashing] Donkey Kong: Oh, I envy you, Funky. The way you and Candy look on the dance floor. Oh, I wish I could dance like you. Funky: Anyone can make the moves, Donkey dude. Come on, give it another try. ♪Look at me, I can dance so gracefully. Gotta have some rhythm just to make the scene. Just feel the beat, hear it in your head. Moving to your middle, ending at your feet. Anyone can dance. Anyone can do it. Follow my lead. 'Cause there ain't nothing to it. Starts with a swivel, swivelin' free. It's the balance in your hips that's key. Take your arms, wave them in the air. Keep yourself from falling and you'll glide without a care. Anyone can dance. Anyone can do it. Follow my lead. 'Cause there ain't nothing to it. You're gonna need style and personality. To give you individu-viduality. Don't be afraid to move the way you want to move. Trust yourself and you will find your groove. Anyone can dance. Anyone can do it. Follow my lead. 'Cause there ain't nothing to it! Anyone can dance. Anyone can do it. Follow my lead. 'Cause there ain't nothing to it.♪ Donkey Kong: Whoa! [Crashing] Donkey Kong: Look! Cranky's hologram. Cranky: There's a rumbling in the Inka Temple. It could mean big trouble, so bounce your butt over to the other end of the island and find out what all the noise is about, and fast. Funky: Whoa! When you want to be there, like, now, Funky's Flights is the way to go. Donkey Kong: But you've got the dance contest, Funky. Funky: Like the terminal dude says, "“I"ll be back."” Cranky: You'd better, because King K. Rool is entering the dance contest against you. Funky, Diddy and Donkey Kong: K. Rool? Diddy: Oh, gee, I wonder who his partner is. King K. Rool: Krusha. Klump: Krusha? King K. Rool: Yes, Klump, Krusha will be my dance partner. Krusha: Uh, do I have to? King K. Rool: Yes. You think I want those army boots of Klump's plodding all over my pedicure? Cue the music, Klump. Ready. Hit it. [Frantic kazoo playing] King K. Rool: Just follow after me, Krusha. And one and one-two-three, and four and one-two-three, and four and one-two-three-four and one-two-three-four and one... Diddy: You know, DK, maybe it's not a good idea to disturb the idol Inka Dinka Doo. Voice: Come! Diddy: So, do we inka-dinka-do or do we inka-dinka-don"t? Funky: Chill, Diddy dude. Diddy: That's the problem, Funky. I've got cold chills running up and down my spine. Wait for me! King K. Rool: One, Krusha. Give me one. Forget the two-three, just give me one. Krusha, take the step! Very good, Krusha. Now, like this. Donkey Kong: So, what's shakin' in the temple, O Inka Dinka Doo? Voice: Donkey Kong. Test. Three rooms of doom. Funky: Bummer. Donkey Kong: Is there, um, any specific reason why I have to do this test, O Inka Dinka Doo? Voice: Save Kongo Bongo Island. Donkey Kong: Sounds like a pretty good reason. Funky: Yo, Inka Dinka dude, what say one room, but with, like, heavy duty doom? Donkey Kong: You see, we"ve got this dance contest and time's a little tight. Voice: Three rooms! Diddy: Well, it could be worse. It could be four rooms. Funky: Or, like, five. |
Act 2[]
Diddy: Maybe we heard him wrong. Maybe he said "three rooms of gloom." Donkey Kong: Well, here goes. Wish me luck. [Gears grinding] ♪ Whoa! Surf's up, dude! Yeah, keep up the moves, dude! Serpentine! You got it, DK! Almost there! A little more! DK: I"m wiggling like an overripe banana. Aaah! Funky, Diddy, check it out. Am I Swiss chimp or what? Totally un-air conditioned, DK dude. That"s a relief. One down and two rooms to go. We can still get you back in time to beat K. Rool, Funky, but we gotta move. ♪ ROOL: He"s a natural... disaster, that is! Deploy the tranquilizer dart, sir? No! Kill it. Uh, does he get any last words? The music, you militant mush head! [Frantic kazoo playing] I wish you wouldn"t do that. Now then, Krusha, encore. ♪ Yo, yo, dudes. I"ve been thinking. Three rooms of doom plus three of us equals one room each. But the Inka Dinka Doo said... What the Inka Dinka Doo don"t know won"t hurt him. It"s you I'm afraid might get hurt, Funky. If something happens to you, who"s going to out-orangutango King K. Rool at the dance contest? Whoa, have some faith, big dude and little dude. ♪ See? Nothing to it. I want this room! Well, let"s go, little bu... [Gears grinding] Looks like the Inka Dinka Doo knows more than you figured, Funky. Oh, not again. Whoa-oa-oa! Whoa! You can do it, DK! Whoa! Whoa, looking like road kill now, baby. DIDDY: Guess Inka Dinka Doo wants you to do the doom room thing, DK. ♪ ROOL: Once again, I, King K. Rool, have done the impossible. What do you think, Klump? [Frantic kazoo playing] I wish you wouldn"t do that! My wish on the Crystal Coconut awaits. It"s show time! [Cheering] CANDY: No sign of them yet, Cranky. CRANKY: Who ever thought it would all end this way? Enslaved to that crazed crocodile all because of a dance. Funky will be here in time, Cranky. Donkey Kong will make sure of it. There"s only two things in this world I"m never sure of, Candy. Donkey and Kong. Is it me or does the floor seem a little narrow? Why look at the negative, DK? Yeah. Besides, we"re monkeys. To us, that"s a highway. Well, here goes. A little drum music, if you please. ♪ Let me know if you see... anything. DK, duck! Whoa! Don"t stop! Keep moving! Let your body do the brainwork. Banana slamma! You"re the ape, DK! Ha-ha-ha! FUNKY: Moving and grooving, monkey man! Whoa! It"s finally over. Now, how do we get out of here? [Gears grinding] [Screaming] So, that"s it, O Inka Dinka Doo? Kongo Bongo Island is now safe, right? VOICE: Wrong. [Gasping] Go, save island. How? Whoa, dude! And I thought I was deep. Maybe Cranky can figure out how I"m supposed to save Kongo Bongo, but it can wait until after the orangutango contest. Move over, K. Rool, and let this monkey take over. Ow! Serious wipe-out! My shinbone"s singing the blues. I"m butt-bound, dudes. But Funky, if you can"t stand, you can"t dance, and if you can"t dance... King K. Rool"s as good as won. ♪ CANDY: And one and two, and one and two, and one... two. One-two, one-two, one and two. One, two. One-two, one-two, one-two-three-four. Yeah! This might work. [Cracking] There goes that idea. Oh, Cranky. We"re just about out of time. King K. Rool"s gonna be here... ROOL: Any minute? No challengers? Looks like I"ve won by default. You haven"t won yet, K. Rool. Very well, then. Da-da-da-da-da. There, I danced, I win. Now, give me, give me, give me! DK: Banana slamma! Donkey Kong! [Cranky chuckling] DK: The good news is we"re back. What was Inka Dinka Doo on about? Not a clue, Cranky. Something about saving the island. Speaking of which, where"s Funky? That"s the, uh, bad news. Bogus on the anklebone, babe. This dude"s off the surfboard and the dance floor. [Gasping] What are we going to do? ROOL: The prize. The wish. Kongo Bongo Island is mine! Not without a fight. Uh, I mean, a dance. I"m taking over for Funky. As I was saying. The prize. The wish. Kongo Bongo Island is mine! Take it, Klump. And now, the boss of boogie, the dictator of dance, the king of the highland fling... ROOL: Klump. King K. Rool. ♪ Inconceivable. Amazing. How"s he do that? Far out, dude. Lame, dude. Real lame. ♪ [Cheering] KLUMP: Whoo, he won, he won. King K. Rool, ladies and non-commissioned gorillas. Whoo, he won, he won. [Cheering] Second contestant, front and centre. ♪ Come on, Donkey Kong. Any time you"re ready. Okay, here goes. [Laughing] ROOL: Look, a monkey on a stick! [Laughing] What a way to go. Whoa! Bad scene. The Donkey dude was digging the beat better when he was doing the deeds for the idol dude. DIDDY: Are you thinking what I"m thinking? Roll out the barrels, Diddy dude. Okay, it"s over, I win. You lose everything, including your dignity. ♪ What? Hang loose and do it like in the temple, dude. Go, DK, go! Ha-ha-ha! ♪ Look at me, I can dance so gracefully ♪ ♪ Got to have some rhythm just to make the scene ♪ ♪ Just feel the beat, hear it in your head ♪ ♪ Moving to your middle, ending at your feet ♪ ♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can dance ♪ ♪ My moves will hypnotize you, put you in a trance ♪ ♪ Can"t you see coordination is the key? ♪ ♪ It"s my balance that takes hold of me ♪ ♪ Take your arms, wave them in the air ♪ ♪ Keep yourself from fallin" and you"ll glide without a care ♪ ♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can dance ♪ ♪ My moves will hypnotize you, put you in a trance ♪ ♪ You"re gonna need style and personality to give you individuality ♪ ♪ Don"t be afraid to move the way you want to move ♪ ♪ Trust yourself and you will find your groove ♪ ♪ Hey-ey-ey ♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can dance ♪ ♪ My moves will hypnotize you, put you in a trance ♪ ♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can dance ♪ ♪ My moves will hypnotize you, put you in a trance ♪ Inconceivable! How"s he do that? Klump! Based on audience response, the winner of the orangutango dance contest is... [Cheering] [Clapping] King K. Rool! [Clapping] Now, for my well-earned first prize. One very big, very fat wish on the Crystal Coconut. Krusha. Now, let me see. What do I want? To be ruler over all Kongo Bongo Island? Hmm, that sounds good. It"s not your fault, Donkey Kong. [Frantic kazoo playing] I wish you wouldn"t do that! [Cranky laughing] CRANKY: Looks like you got your one wish, K. Rool! Say goodbye till next year. Don"t just stand there, Klump! Do something! And the consolation prize goes to second place, to runners-up Donkey Kong and Candy, who win a complete set of dance lessons. Who needs dance lessons? A one. Aaah! And a two! [Krusha shouting] And a three! [Rool screaming] How did he know? Who know? Inka Dinka Doo know. The test in the temple. It was just a way of giving me dancing lessons. He said it was to save Kongo Bongo Island. And that"s just what you did, DK. Well, what you say, Candy? Wanna dance? [Stomping] Ow, my foot, Donkey Kong! Maybe I do need those dancing lessons. And another partner. Oh, I hear General Klump"s free. [Laughing] KLUMP: Rendezvous at 1400 hours. [Laughing] |