 "You have to do better than that! Still got you beat, hunh?! "
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Act 1[]
Dixie Kong: Thermidor, oh Thermidor... Where are you, Thermidor? Thermy? Diddy Kong: And since when do I look like a pet lobster? Dixie Kong: Did ya see him, Dids? Diddy Kong: Uh, nada Dix. Not a claw. Donkey Kong: Sorry, Dixie. Looks like your lobster"s run off. Dixie Kong: But I loved him and took real good care of him. Diddy Kong: And you didn"t eat him, either! [Laughing] Donkey Kong: Don"t worry Dixie, we'll get you another pet! Dixie Kong: I don"t want another pet, Donkey Kong, not ever. He would just... Run off like Thermy. Donkey Kong: Whoa, I"ve never seen Dixie so down in the dumps, Diddy. Diddy Kong: You can say that again, DK. ROOL: A simple question, General Klump. KLUMP: Uh-huh. How long have I been after the Crystal Coconut? Uh... As long as I can remember. Mmm, and how long is that, Klump? Uh... I can"t remember. A long time, Klump. And now... Time is up! This time, you either get it, or you"ll get it! Get it? I don"t want to hear one oops, whoops or uh-oh. My new plan will not fail, King K. Rool, sir. Tada! A barrel? An exploding barrel! We"ll create a diversion at the Barrel Works, and then... Klump... When they open it... Klump! Did you diffuse the barrel? Oops, whoops and uh-oh... ROOL: You insufferable invertebrate! You are finished! Gone! Out of here! You want me to, um... leave? I want you to abrogate. Great. Get out the dictionary. You are relieved of your duties, stripped of your rank, cast out forever! Specifically, General Klump, you are... De-generalised! But, the military... serving you, King K. Rool, is my life! Where will I go? That is no concern of mine, for from this day forth, you are no longer... A lizard. You do not exist. And, I forbid the name of Klump to be ever spoken again! You are exiled forever! ROOL: Krusha! [Klump crying] [Klump crying] [Crying continues] Hey! Quit spying on me! I wasn"t spying, I just heard you, well... Is something wrong? Nothin... Nothin"s wrong, okay. Nothin"s the matter. Everything"s a-okay! [Crying] But it sounded like... Like my miserable, unimportant life is over? That"s because it is! [Crying] ♪ ♪ Don"t waste your time lookin' at a sorry sight like me ♪ ♪ A quivering pile of mush that"s me ♪ ♪ All my years of service and devotion to the king ♪ ♪ I"m a quivering, snivelling, non-existent thing ♪ ♪ I know I failed ♪ I know my ship has sailed ♪ Stripped of my rank ♪ I know my ship has sank ♪ And I haven"t got a friend in the world ♪ [Crying] ♪ I "m a quiverin' snivellin", blubberin", nameless, non-existent mass of nothin", worthless soggy pile of mush ♪ ♪ And I haven"t got a friend in the world ♪ ♪ No, I haven"t got a friend in the world ♪ [Crying] Yes you do, Mr Klump. Can I keep him? ALL: Klump? King K. Rool kicked him out and he"s all alone and he's got no family and friends and nowhere to go and... I"m clean and quiet, I don't eat much... [Stomach grumbling] Okay, I can diet... But I"m already house-trained! Klump"s not a pet, Dixie. Mr Klump"s promised to change his bad-guy ways and turn over a new leaf! C"mon Dix, no way a lizard's moving in with us. They"re meant to be slipping and sliding under rocks, not living in trees, right DK? Well... Just gimme a chance! What about the Crystal Coconut? I promise, on my mother"s scaly hide, to protect it with my life. Give him a shot, Cranky. Oh, pleeease! All right. My new family! I promise to become a number one simian citizen and make y"all proud! [Crashing] Don"t worry 'bout me! Heh. I"m fine. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot. Heh heh. I"ll be right down, Mr. Klump! Aww, I guess now we have to figure out where our uninvited guest is gonna stay. Only vacancy I know of is the one between his ears... Then again... Not my place! Come on! I was just trying to cheer Dixie up! Just make sure he doesn"t take off those boots! [Laughing] Very funny. Well now General, what do you think of your new position? But, I... I ain"t moved... Oh, Krusha, you lunkhead. If you had two heads you"d be lonesome. I shouldn"t be so hard. After all, that non-person whose name we no longer mention was no rocket scientist. What"s important is... Dear me! A barrel! But is it an exploding barrel or not? How will I ever tell? Perhaps you could help me with this dilemma, General Krusha. I can do that, uh-huh. It"s an exploding barrel, all right. Ah, goodie, blind obedience! Oh look General, another barrel! [Trumpet playing] We"re under attack! Batten down the hatches! Women and bananas first! Women and bananas and short monkeys! [Crashing] Okay new family of mine, let"s everyone say mornin' to a bright, new, glorious day! [Groaning] Sun"s arising and breakfast will be ready at 0700 hours, sharp. [Crashing] Hey, where"s Mr. Klump? You mean the rooster with the barrel belly? I"m gonna wrap that bugle around his neck! KLUMP: Ah, I"m okay. Don"t worry 'bout me, heh. Uh, just fine... Good. Oh, he was only trying to help. Ugh, Dixie"s right. I"m sure this is just gonna take a little time. Where are we going, General? To see some sort of insidious device, by which I shall finally gain the coveted Crystal Coconut? No. I just wanted to drive the cart. Zoom, zoom! It"s about time you learned, Krusha, there"s more to being a general than "Zoom, zoom!" Ooh, new uniforms? A plan, Krusha, to steal the coconut. An idea, a brain blemish, even a hemispheric hiccup! Anything! Left turn, Krusha! We"re heading back to the base for a brainstorming session! Left? Right! Right. No! I mean... [Crashing] Lunkhead. DK look, Klump"s monkeying around with Cranky"s trigger barrels. Hey, what are you doing? Putting a spit-shine on Cranky"s barrels. Well that"s certainly gonna surprise him, eh, Diddy? Mm, here he comes now. This is really gonna send old sourpuss over to my side. [Screaming] Uh, guess I better go start making lunch. [Crashing] I"ll be right down, Mr. Klump. I know, Dixie, he was only trying to help. Tell that to Cranky. Heh, when he comes down out of orbit. KLUMP: Eh, d... don"t mind me. A little creased is all... A few dents... KRUSHA: Uh, set it on fire... Uh, then we chop down the tree, and dig some big, dangerous holes. Yeah, big dangerous holes. And, oh, get some nasty animals, and great big furry spiders! And, and, and lots of broken bits! And sprinkle it around! And... [K. Rool screaming] What does all that have to do with getting me the Crystal Coconut!? Co-co-nut? Why do I suddenly find myself wondering whatever became of that unmentionable non-person? Uh, he"s living with the apes. The apes? Yup. That"s what the spies say. Ahh... the apes! He"s living with the apes! [Mimicking apes] [Laughing] [Mimicking apes] Want... a banana! [Laughing] Brilliant. He"s set up the perfect coconut stealing strategy, and I"ll bet the non-person doesn"t even know it! DIXIE: Donkey Kong"s elevator"s never worked right, Mr. Klump. KLUMP: It will when I get finished with it. So, how"d you like living here? To tell the truth, Dixie, it ain"t so easy livin' in trees. But I"m getting the hang of it. I"m proud of the way you're trying to fit in by helpin" everyone out... Yeah well, don"t tell no one, but I think the others are startin" to, well, like me! Even Cranky! And I won"t lie to ya Dixie, I ain"t never had friends before. Here comes Donkey Kong! Hey! Donkey Kong, wait "til you see what Mr. Klump did to your elevator! [Bells ringing] Klump almost turned you into a milkshake. Almost sent me to the moon. And don"t forget the bugle. Ohh... the bugle... So... What are ya saying? Klump doesn"t belong here! We tried, Donkey Kong. It didn"t work. I"ll tell him in the morning. It"ll be a lot easier telling him than Dixie. Whaddya know, I didn"t fall. Lot of good it does me now. [Crying] DIXIE: Where are you going, Mr. Klump? I"m uh, I'm going AWOL, Dixie. I... I"m leavin'. Leaving? But why? "Cause I... I don't belong here. C"mon, a lizard like me living in trees... But, but you said you liked it here... I was wrong. I"m better off in some swamp somewhere all by myself. Oh I shoulda known better than to help a cold-hearted lizard like him! I guess Klump saved us from telling Dixie... And him. Goodbye, Dixie... ROOL: Excuse me, could you possibly spare a banana? King K. Rool, sir! Oh do forgive me, I thought you were one of those chest-pounding primates. Oh please let me come back, your cold-bloodedness. I promise I won"t mess up again! Fine then, um... You"re reinstated. Oh thank you, King K. Rool, sir! Only um... under the condition that you betray your little monkey friend and use her to steal the coconut for me. Dixie? But I... Person, non-person. Person, non-person. Person... Your wish is my command, King K. Rool, sir! Aaa-hahahaha! Then here we are back together: One great big larcenous family. Sorry Dixie. ♪ ♪ What did I do to make you leave me? ♪ ♪ Why does everybody always leave me alone? ♪ ♪ Now that everybody"s gone it"s so hard to carry on ♪ ♪ Is there someone I can truly call a friend? ♪ ♪ It"s such a crime to be deserted all the time ♪ ♪ It shouldn"t come as a surprise ♪ ♪ I wish I"d seen it in their eyes ♪ ♪ Is there someone I can truly call a friend? ♪ What do you want? I"m not here, understand? Huh? King K. Rool"s plottin' to blow up the barrel factory! Yeah? So why are you tellin" me? You"re not one of us anymore. Like you kept tellin" the others, I guess I"m still tryin' to help. Why should I believe you? "Cause if King K. Rool knew I was telling you this he"d turn me into a new pair of boots! "Sides, I told you I'd never lie to a friend. Thanks, Mr. Klump. [Crying] ♪ I"m such a spineless, low-down, lyin", cheatin' friend ♪ Save the acceptance speech until after you steal the coconut, Klump! A commendable performance but hardly an award winner. [Laughing] With the apes protecting the barrel factory... [Laughing] The coconut should be easy pickings! [Laughing] Got here as soon as we heard, Cranky. Yeah, what"s shakin'? You if you get any closer to that exploding barrel. Where did it come from? K. Rool, who else? Dixie got a tip from Klump. Klump? So what are we gonna do, Cranky? The only thing we can do, Donkey Kong: explode it. Good plan, how? First, you go pick it up. Not so good plan! It"s up to you to get it outta there, DK, before someone gets hurt! You are the hero, DK. And you gotta remind me. Don"t you dare! Dixie! Am I glad to see you! No, Dixie, it"s not what it looks like! It most certainly is! What it looks like is you lied to me from the start! I took you in and this is how you repay me? By using me to get the others out of the way so you can sneak in and steal the coconut! Believe me, Dixie, I"m not here to steal it! I caught you red handed! Oh, I wish I had time to explain. Oh what"s keeping that big ape? DK: Take cover! Huh? It"s a dud! Just like that dud, Klump! This smells like lizard monkey business to me. [Screaming] [Screaming] Good, good, but a little louder. [Screaming] Good, now where"s that dumb ape when you need him? [Screaming] Get the coconut, Klump! The coconut! Can"t wait around. Louder! [Dixie screaming] Where"s the coconut, you lunkhead?! It was a trap! Uh, they outnumbered me! It"s just the girl! DK: Banana slamma! Well, since we know how this usually ends up... Bailin" out! Aww, Klump set us up from the start! Shoulda known better than to trust that slimy salamander! Hope you"re not taking this too hard, Dixie. Nah, I"m okay, Donkey Kong, really. Thanks. [Claws snapping] Thermy! You"re back! Oh, where"d ya come from? And what"s this note? "To Dixie, thanx." "T, H, A, N... X"? Who could... Oh! He wasn"t after the coconut after all, was he, Thermy? Now that you"re back I'm gonna love you and take care of you, and if you leave me someday, well that"s okay. Because I will always remember the good times when we were together, and that will make me happy. [Klump crying] ♪ |