 "Okay, I'll do the article for you! ... Naw! ... Only kidding!"
|
| "Okay, I'll do the article for you! ... Naw! ... Only kidding!"
|
Act 1[]
In the morning[]
At Funky's Flights[]
Donkey Kong: Yes, siree, little buddy. The Sun is shining, the fish are biting. You got to admit, it's a wonderful... Ohh! [tumbles over Funky's surfboard] Life.
Diddy Kong: Hey Funky, what's up?
Funky Kong: I've lost it, dudes. My surfing stance. It's lost in the cosmos. Watch. [jumps onto his board but he trips over afterwards] See? Without my world-famous funky stance, my surfing is suffering.
DK: Relax, Funky. I can show you how to get your surf style back. [jumps onto Funky's board but his weight causes him to break it in half] Oops!
Funky: My board! Instant karma is going to get you, Donkey Dude.
Cranky Kong: Donkey Kong!
DK: Uh, love to stay and chat, Funky, but, uh, got to run. [goes to Cranky's hut in such a hurry]
At Cranky's Cabin[]
DK: You bellowed, Cranky?
Cranky: For starters, you can explain...[pointing at the Crystal Coconut wrapped with a padlock]..this!
DK: Ah, that. That's my new invention: the Crystal Coconut total security system. When I'm off doing something vital as future ruler...
Cranky: Like going fishing?
DK: Exactly. Well, anyway, [throws a fishing stick away that came out of nowhere] now when I'm gone, nobody can get at the Coconut.
Cranky: Including me, you knuckle-dragging knucklehead!
DK: You mean it really worked? Wow. I'm impressed. Looks like I'm pretty valuable to have around, huh, Cranky?
Cranky: You'll be valuable for donating your body to science, if you don't get those locks off!
DK: No problemo, Cranky-o. I'll have them off in a ji... Um, you wouldn't happen to have the combinations, would you?
Cranky: Me? They're your locks, Donkey Kong.
DK: Don't worry, Cranky. There's more than one way to open a lock. [He slam his fists onto the padlock, bites it like a dog and tries to pull it with his might as a desperate attempt to unlock the Coconut.] Argh! Well, you learn something new every day. I guess there isn't more than one way to open a lock.
Cranky: Out of my way! [slicing the locks with a cane like a ninja, and the Crystal Coconut finally unlocks)
DK: There you go. One Crystal Coconut, just like you ordered. No need to thank me, Cranky.
Cranky: Thank you? You want me to thank you?
DK: I can see you're busy; I'll see my own way out. (runs to the Barrelworks)
At Bluster Barrelworks[]
Candy Kong: Oh, Bluster, I get goose bumps just hearing you say those words.
DK [confused]: What words?
Bluster Kong: Oh, Candy, you know I need you now more than ever.
DK: Hey! All right, Bluster, you know Candy is my girl. Woah! [slips on a lone barrel and falls into Bluster, causing him to fly onto the conveyor belt and be hit by the barrel approval hammer, knocking him into a large pile of barrels; the stack then falls over onto Bluster]
Candy: Donkey Kong, what are you doing?
DK: You two were getting cozy behind my back. You were..."getting goose bumps"?
Candy: Oh, Donkey Kong, I was getting goose bumps because Bluster was finally giving me a raise.
DK: Uh, and what about you, Bluster? I heard you say you needed Candy more than ever.
Bluster: To fill my biggest order ever, which you just knocked over and ruined, which means Candy, no raise.
Candy: Great work, DK. Your butting in has just cost me my raise.
Bluster: And let's not forget about my barrel order.
DK: Uh, well... Say, why don't I come back later? [runs to the jungle]
In the jungle[]
DK: Hey, Diddy! Toss it over here!
Diddy: No way, DK. This is my lucky ball. [chuckles]
DK: Just one throw? I'll throw it right back. Cross my eyes and hope to spit.
Diddy: Okay, if you promise to throw it right back. This is my favourite ball in the whole wide world.
DK: Promise. Now, let 'er rip. [Diddy throws the ball into DK's hand]
Diddy: Okay, DK, that was great. [laughs nervously] Now, can you just toss my ball back...gently?
DK: Here it comes, little buddy, right down the pike. Whoa! (Tries to throw it back to Diddy, but slips and accidentally throws it across the island) Oop.
Diddy: You just lost my lucky ball!
DK: Sorry, little buddy.
Diddy: "Sorry" isn't good enough, Donkey Kong. Why couldn't you have disappeared forever instead of my ball?
At King K. Rool's Lair[]
King K. Rool: "Aw, poor Donkey Kong. Tough day at the office, bad biorhythms, or just plain loser? (Cackling) Looks like the poor citizens of Kongo Bongo are just finding out what I have known for years: that they"d all be better off without that lamentable lunk-head as their future ruler. (Cackling)
In Donkey Kong's Treehouse[]
[Vacuum whirring] DK:Oof. Boy, oh, boy. It's hard to believe anybody this cute could have everybody so mad at him. Well, I've never known any problem that couldn't be solved with a little nap. (snoring)
Later that night[]
Diddy: DK, what are you doing here?
DK [wakes up]: Uh, nothing, honest. I was just, uh... Hey, wait a minute. I live here! I'm allowed to goof off in my own house. Aren't I?
Diddy: Tonight is only the annual Future Ruler of Kongo Bongo Barbecue Banana Dinner, at which you were supposed to be the guest of honor.
DK: Oh, I completely forgot. Diddy, can you tell everybody I was busy fighting evil or something like that?
Diddy: Tell them yourself, DK.
Candy: Thanks for ruining our evening, DK.
Cranky: You really made monkeys out of all of us, Donkey Kong.
Bluster: I'm sending you the bill for my tuxedo rental, Donkey Kong.
Funky: Bummer, dude.
DK: But...
Candy: Save it, Donkey Kong. We'll just carry on as if you were never here.
Diddy: Yeah, and we probably won't even notice the difference.
If I Wasn't Around[]
DK: Why does it seem
Everyone is so unhappy with me?
When I try to do my best
They treat me like a pest
Well, maybe...
They'd be better off if I wasn't around No, no, no, wasn't around...
Why should I stay
When all I do is get in the way?
They think I'm a clown
They push me around
Well, maybe...
They'd be better off if I wasn't around
Oh, why should I stay?
When they treat me...they treat me that way!
If I... If I... If I... If I...
Wasn't around!
(He bumps into a Tree and Fall to the Ground)
Act 2[]
In the jungle[]
DK: Ugh. Feels like I got the stuffing, knocked out of me. (he couldn't touch any part of his body) Oh, no! I did get the stuffing knocked out of me. Where's my stuffing? (King K. Rool runs thought the jungle holding the Papier-Mâché Lily Pad) Oh-oh, King K. Rool. That"s enough of that, K. Rool. The croc stops here. (He tries to stop him, but he run's right thought Him) Hmm, that can"t be good.
King Diddy: Jumping jungleberries! I know that gabby gecko came this way.
DK: He sure did, little buddy. But don"t worry, we'll get him. We're in this together, through thick and thin. (Diddy run right thougth him) Thinner than I thought, apparently. Don't worry, Diddy. I'm right behind you. What the...
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: Not so fast, monkey.
DK: Eddie the Mean Old Yeti?
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: Eddie the Guardian Angel Yeti.
DK: Well, congratulations. It's a much better name. Way friendlier, but I got to go help my little buddy.
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: No can't do. You not here.
DK: Of course I"m here.
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: You say Kongo Bongo better off with no you. Here is Kongo Bongo with no you. You not exist.
DK: I think you"ve taken a few too many snowballs to the head.
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: Things different now.
DK: Whoa! I got to admit, I couldn't do this before. (They see King K. Rool runs thought the jungle) He's up to no good, that K. Rool. Let me at him!
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: No. You watch.
Good King K. Rool: I got to hide. I can't let him find me.
King Diddy: I believe you have something that is rightfully mine.
DK: Don"t worry, Diddy. Banana slamma! (He tries to punch K. Rool, but it does not work) What the...
Good King K. Rool: Do your worst to me, you evil chimp. The papier-mâché lily pad shall never fall into your evil hands.
DK: The papier-mâché what into whose evil hands?
King Diddy: You make it sound like running an evil empire is a bad thing. Now, just give me the lily pad so I can consolidate my reign of terror over Kongo Bongo. Which, by the way, I'm renaming Diddyland when I capture the lily pad.
DK: Diddyland? What a dopey name.
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: Shhh.
Good King K. Rool: What's that up there?
DK: Hey, hey, hey, over here!
King Diddy: There's nothing there. Why do you... Hey! I, I... I know where you live.
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: See? This what Kongo Bongo like with no Donkey Kong.
DK: This is nuts. I got to speak to Cranky about this.
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: Still more to show you.
At Bluster Barrelworks[]
DK: This looks the same as always, except for me floating way up here. Why? Whoa!
Evil Candy Kong: I'm never working in this factory again.
DK: See?
Evil Candy Kong: Now that I"m Mrs. Bluster.
Evil Bluster Kong: I love you, Candy. (Giggling)
DK: Hey, Candy, it's me, Donkey Kong! You can't marry him. You're supposed to love me.
Evil Candy Kong: I do love you.
DK: See?
Evil Candy Kong: Bluster. (Smooching)
DK: Stop it! How can you just kiss him like that in front of me? Oh, why can"t they see me? Why?
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: You not exist. Come. More to see.
At Cranky's Cabin[]
Finally, Cranky"s place.
He"ll know what's going on.
CRANKY: A lame-brained,
goofus doofus of an ignoramus of an ape.
See, he"s calling me.
I can take it from here.
A lazy, old useless flea motel.
That"s what I am, Your Short and
Sweetness.
Huh?
I accept your apology, you old... Old...
Odiferous orang-utan?
That"ll work.
You odiferous orang-utan!
Next time you fail to bring me
the papier-mâché lily pad, you
can bring me your head on a
platter instead!
Yes, King Diddy.
DIDDY: I"ve come up with the
most fiendishly clever plan to
steal the lily pad and destroy
the crocodiles.
[Cackling]
And once I have the lily pad in
its place of honour...
What"s this junky piece of junk
doing on my pedestal?
(Both Gasping)
DK: The Crystal Coconut!
I got it, I got it.
I don"t got it.
[Rattling]
Did you put that there?
I thought it looked pretty.
We"re nefarious bad guys bent
on stealing the lily pad and
turning this island into our evil empire!
We don"t have time for pretty!
BOTH: Sorry, boss.
I can"t take this anymore.
I need some air.
DIDDY: Have I told you guys
about Diddyland yet?
In The Jungle[]
Eddie, what"s going on here?
Without Donkey Kong, Kongo
Bongo not same place.
DIDDY: All right, men.
In one hour, we launch our final
all-out, take-no-prisoners
attack on the papier-mâché lily pad.
Once and for all, I shall be the
Supreme Ruler of the island
formerly known as Kongo Bongo.
FUNKY: Yo, Your Diddly Squatness.
What are we going to do?
Go for snow cone?
♪ No I can"t believe what I see ♪
♪ Everything"s upside down
and it makes no sense to me ♪
♪ In my current state
I can"t change their fate ♪
♪ If you send me back I swear
I"ll set things straight ♪
♪ You got to send me back No can do.
♪ I"ve been dissed ♪
You not exist.
[Exhaling]
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Without me everything"s all wrong ♪
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Let me put things back
where they belong ♪
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Without me everything"s all wrong ♪
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Please I"m down on my knees ♪
♪ There"s a world that needs saving ♪
♪ Baby Bobby Eddie Yeti just let me be ♪
♪ Oh man won"t you hear my plea ♪
♪ Come on come on Eddie
you got to help me ♪
♪ You got to send me back Me not sure.
♪ Just one day No way, José.
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Without me everything"s all wrong ♪
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Let me put things back
where they belong ♪
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
♪ Without me everything"s all wrong ♪
♪ Eddie let me go back in my home ♪
You exist.
[DK screaming]
[Thudding]
Oof!
Thanks, Eddie.
You"re in luck, Kongo Bongo.
I"m back!
Whoa!
Oof.
Lucky Kongo Bongo.
[Chuckling]
Act 3[]
At Bluster Barrelworks[]
DK: [runs to the Barrelworks to see what happens now that he's snapped out of being a ghost] Candy will help me turn things around. She used to be my girlfriend.
Candy: Oh, Bluster!
Bluster [hugging Candy]: Oh, Candy!
DK: Oh, please!
Candy and Bluster: (In unison) Who are you?
DK: Come on, Candy, how can you forget the guy who gave you your first kiss?
Bluster: What? Candy, how could you?
Candy: I have no idea who this big hairy ape is. Honestly, Bluster, you know I only love you.
DK: You used to say those very words to me every time you baked me a banana cream pie.
Bluster: [gasping] You never baked me a pie.
Candy: Wait! I swear I don't know this monkey.
Bluster: Mumsy was right about you all along. We're finished, Candy!
[Helicopter blades whirring]
Candy: Look what you've done. You've driven away the only ape I ever loved. Are you happy now?
DK: Pretty happy, yeah.
Candy: Well, you won't be for long, buddy!
Diddy: Hey, Candy, where's Bluster? And more importantly, where's his helicopter?
Candy: Ask this big ape. He got Bluster so mad at me that he took off in his helicopter.
Diddy: Jeepin' jungleberries! How can I be an evil ruler if I can't attack the enemy in a helicopter? Oh, that's so unfair. I hate that, and I hate you!
Candy: Not as much as I do.
Diddy: I'm telling you, Candy, I hate him more.
DK [runs off]: I got to get out of here.
Candy: You couldn't possibly.
At Funky's Flights[]
DK: Funky! You have to help me!
Funky: Do I know you, dude?
DK: Uh, we were friends in another life?
Funky [hugging DK]: Finally, somebody who speaks my language. Welcome, bro. What's shakin'?
DK: Things aren't what they seem around here, and I need a friend.
Funky: The Funkman is your karma companion.
DK: You're never going to believe this, but first I was me, good old Donkey Kong, and then suddenly I was, like, this floating invisible thing.
Funky: I've been there, dude.
DK: I could... Well, I could put my fist through things, like this. [punctured a hole in Funky's plane]
Funky [crying]: Whoa-ho-ho! My plane!
DK: Sorry. I forgot I'm not invisible anymore.
Funky: But you're sure going to wish you were, Destructo Dude.
[DK runs off to the jungle]
At the jungle[]
Diddy: Dumb old Bluster takes his dumb old helicopter, leaving me standing here with nothing to use to attack those worthless lizards so I can achieve world domination! (Donkey Kong runs into him)
DK: Hey, little buddy. Are you okay?
Diddy: Little buddy? Little buddy? Do I look little to you?
DK: Sorry. Uh, nothing personal. It's just that I used to call you that when we were friends.
Diddy: We were friends?
DK: See this?
Diddy: That's my ball. You can't take my ball! Give me my ball.
DK: Sure thing. It's just that we used to play catch with this. Come on. One more time for old times' sake.
Diddy: We don't have any old times, and I'm not that thrilled with the new times. Now, give me my ball.
[Donkey Kong tries to throw it back to Diddy, but slips and accidentally throws it across the island]
DK: Sorry about that.
Diddy [screaming]: You lost my ball! [crying] When I finally capture the Papier-Mâché Lily Pad and rule the world, I'll get you for this! (Donkey Kong runs off)
At King K. Rool's Lair[]
[Panting]
Monkey intruders!
Protect the papier-mâché lily
pad at all costs!
Hey, relax.
I"m not here to steal your lily pad.
You"re one of them.
No, I"m not.
I"m me, Donkey Kong.
Name ring a bell?
You"ll never get the lily pad from us.
We"ll protect it with every
scale on our bodies.
Get used to going around
naked, guys, because Diddy is
out to steal this thing once and for all.
You"re here to trick us, aren"t you?
I trust this ape.
There"s something about him that
seems sincere.
Besides, I don"t think he's
smart enough to trick us.
Thanks, I think.
Hey, can I see this for a sec?
Aw, come on.
Is this the face of a lily-pad thief?
Just be careful.
[Gasping]
[Sighing]
Phew.
Oops.
You broke our lily pad!
After him!
There"s the dude.
♪
For someone who doesn"t even
exist, I sure am popular.
Banana slamma!
What an odd thing to say when
somebody is chasing you.
Whoa!
[Brakes squealing, crashing]
Get him!
Uh, Eddie?
Yoo-hoo, pal.
We"ve got you now, stranger,
and I get first crack at you.
Hey, I want a piece of him, too.
We can all take turns.
Yeah.
Before you tear me limb from
limb, can I just mention that
you"re all working together for once?
You know, he"s right.
It"s true, and not at all unpleasant.
But you broke the papier-mâché lily pad.
We have to tear you apart for that.
At the very least.
Yeah, for sure.
Well, uh, I see your point, but...
Wait a sec.
Stay right there.
What about this?
Why can"t this be your symbol of
knowledge and power?
You know, maybe it"s not so bad.
Check it out.
Nice weight, looks good.
It"s shiny, and maybe it'll work
just fine.
There, you see?
And might I add you"re all now
talking to each other and
working together as friends?
He"s right, you know.
We are.
Maybe some good has come of
having this strange fellow around.
Maybe we should thank him.
Nah, let"s get him.
Yeah!
DIDDY: Hey!
Oof.
Yow!
Ooh!
I"m out of here.
Banana slamma!
What doesthat mean?
I don"t know, but it's kind of catchy.
Oof!
Ugh.
CANDY: DK?
Where are you?
Do you really think he ran away?
Well, we did make him feel
pretty unwanted around here.
Ah, baloney.
If I know Donkey Kong, he"s
probably lying under some... Oof!
Do I know Donkey Kong or do I
know Donkey Kong?
CANDY: DK, are you all right?
We were worried sick about you.
No, leave me alone.
I"m sorry I broke the
papier-mâché lily pad.
Lily pad?
What lily pad?
You, the evil Diddy!
And Candy, you"re in love with
Bluster, and... >> Ooh, boy.
That must have been some dream you had.
It"s not a dream.
I ran away and... >> Now, you"re back.
That"s the important thing.
We"re sorry we made you feel so bad.
[Smooching]
Hey!
[Giggling]
Just checking.
Banana slamma!
I"m back.
You"re the best friends an ape could have.
Watch it!
Whoa.
DK, you big lummox.
Ah, it"s good to be home.
♪ Hurrah
♪
♪ Hurrah