 "The trouble with you kids, is that you're all too soft!"
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Act 1[]
Oh, jeepin" jungle bugs! How much longer do we have to babysit this coconut for Cranky? I"m starved! Tell me about it! The only reason I even offered to babysit is because Tuesdays are when Candy brings Kranky one of her banana cream pies. Oh! I wish I had just one banana. Hey! How"d I do that?
The magical mystical coconut granted your wish! I knew it couldn"t have been me. [Laughing] Oh, this is fantastic! No. Two bananas would have been fantastic, little buddy. So. Go ahead then. [Giggling] Huh? Wish for more! Oh, I don"t know. Kranky wouldn"t want us foolin' with the coconut. Oh, but don"t you wish you had another banana, huh? A big, ripe, juicy, plump, mellow yellow creamy banana? Oo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I wish I had a whole bunch! Jackpot! It worked! [Giggling] Oh, you okay, DK? Never better! Mmm, nothing could... [Gulping bananas] Ruin this! Kranky? DK: Yep, except Kranky. No, DK. Kranky"s here. He"s back! How are we gonna explain where all these bananas came from? Oh! He"ll have our hides for a throw rug if he finds out we"re messing with the coconut! Oh, it"s times like this I wish I was invisible! Diddy? Where did you go? DIDDY: I"m, I'm invisible! I can see that. I, I mean, I can"t see that! Or you! Where are you? Right, here! [Laughing] Stop! [Whistling] Where in the rango fandango did all these bananas come from? Kranky! Uh, well, y"see... You"ll see the end of this cane between your peepers unless you start cleaning up this mess! Pronto! [Laughing] Hey, stop it! Knock it off! I"ll knock your head off if you don"t stop goofing around. Quit it, will ya, Diddy? Diddy? Diddy"s not even here! Now start cleaning! No, don"t! Ungh! [Crashing] Are you off your rocker? DIDDY: Whoop, time to make like a banana, and peel! D"ooh, wait up! Hey, get back here and clean this... whoa! [Crashing] Donkey Kong! Hip, hop, hip, hop, King K. Rool"s big vault, hip, hop, hip, hop, hip, hop, company halt! [Grunting inside] General Klump? I said "company halt"! That"s you, Krusha! Oh. [Laughing] A pity I can"t leave you in there, Klump. But I need the vault today, so it shall be opened upon reciting of the secret password. KLUMP: Yeah, but I don"t know the secret password! Of course. Only I know the secret password! Just cover your ears. That goes for you, too, Klump! [Clearing throat] Piggly wiggly, boogly biggly, eeka, peeka, boo! If I told you once, Klump, I told you a thousand times! Nothing goes in the vault except the Crystal Coconut! Sir, we don"t even have the Crystal Coconut. Oh, heh heh, but we will, General Klump! This time, my plan to steal it is idiot-proof! In other words, I"m not relying on you two! It"s a well known fact that every Tuesday, Kranky receives a banana cream pie from Candy Kong. And this Tuesday will be no different, except for one minor detail. [Mechanical whirring] At your service, King K. Rool, sir. [Klump and Krusha gasping] BOTH: Candy Kong! No! Not Candy Kong, but Candy Clone! Her indistinguishable robotic twin! Indistinguishable robotic twin. Candy Clone could fool any idiot. Yeah, huh huh. Includin" me! There"s only one idiot I care about fooling. That"s Kranky! [Maniacal laughing] Ungh! DIDDY: Ow! Watch where you"re going, DK! Diddy, is that you? Ow, yes! Ooh, my eye! Stop! No, you gotta stop, little buddy. DIDDY: I haven"t even started. [Giggling] [Clattering] Just think of all the fun I can have being invisible! Hehehe! I don"t see how you doing stuff and me getting in trouble for it is fun. [Music starting to play] [Volume increasing] DIDDY: Woo-hoo! ♪ I"m havin' fun with everyone ♪ ♪ When I disappear ♪ Playing tricks on people while pretending I"m not there ♪ ♪ When Cranky learns you"re messing with the coconut this way ♪ DIDDY: Ha! ♪ I"ll be sneakin' into another movie matinée ♪ Ha ha! ♪ Doin" what I want ♪ ♪ Ya can"t see me ♪ ♪ I can see you"re driving me crazy ♪ ♪ Floating in and out of thin air makes me feel free ♪ ♪ You can"t get away with this monkey business ♪ ♪ I can be a ghost who haunts the barrel factory ♪ ♪ Pushing buttons ♪ Pulling levers ♪ Driving Candy crazy ♪ Now hold on little buddy ♪ That"s my girl you"re talking 'bout ♪ ♪ Oh, I"m just getting started ♪ Wait till Kranky finds you out! DIDDY: Ha! ♪ I can pull the rug from under King K. Rool ♪ ♪ Float bananas through the air ♪ Man that"d be so cool! ♪ I can fool around with all of Kranky"s spells and poof ♪ I"m gone without trace! ♪ Man, Kranky"s gonna hit the roof ♪ ♪ Doin" what I want ♪ ♪ Ya can"t see me ♪ ♪ I can see you"re driving me crazy ♪ ♪ Floating in and out of thin air makes me feel free ♪ ♪ You can"t get away with this monkey business ♪ It won"t be fun when Kranky finds out we"ve been messing with the Crystal Coconut. Look, I"ve got a plan! I keep Kranky busy while you make your wish to be visible again. Okay? Diddy? Uh, little buddy, you there? Diddy! My body"s in sync! My mind is on auto-cruise. Now, all I got to do is tune in to my inner voice. [Diddy giggling] DIDDY: Yo, funk man, word up? Whoa, gotta stop burning all that incense! Yo, it"s me, dude! Your inner voice! Right on! DIDDY: Nothin" right on about your moves, Jack. You"re layin' them all wrong! Yeah? Then lay new ones on me, bud! [Giggling] On the board, feet squarely floored. Now, left leg back, gimme no slack! Arms out wide, groovin" at your side! Head bent right, ooh, ooh, you"re outta sight! Shimmy at the hips and pucker your lips! How am I looking now? Like a big goofus doofus. Wha-ha-hoa! [Splashing] Funky, have you seen Diddy? What am I saying, of course you haven"t. He"s invisible. Bummer. Where does he put his keys? [Sniffing] What"s that smmmmm? It"s Tuesday, banana cream pie day! Candy! [Diddy snickering] [Candy gasping] DK! How could you? How could I what? You know very well what! You ate Kranky"s pie! Buh-buh... I didn"t eat it! Then who did? Diddy? Honestly, DK, it"s bad enough you eat the pie, but don"t blame Diddy! He"s not even here! I swear Candy, he"s invisible! Invisible? Oh, really? Well, guess what else is invisible? Your pie! But... I made this one just for you, but now I"m taking it to Kranky"s to replace the one that you ate! But... Okay, little buddy. This is getting serious. I just lost a banana pie! What are you gonna do next? Send Bluster to the moon using his delivery rocket? Diddy? Diddy! [Snickering] No! Don"t! ROOL: All clear, Klump? Affirmative, Sir. I"m over here, you half-wit! Now where is Candy Clone? There"s a good Candy Clone! Now bring the pie to Cranky, and then bring the Crystal Coconut to me! Bring it to you. ROOL: Klump, keep an eye on her. Can"t keep 'em off her. Think we could get one of them clones made in a Miss Lizard model? [Chuckling] Will you shut up and follow her?! Oh, uh, yeah, yeah! I mean, yes, Sir! [Thudding] Ah, finally that mess is cleaned up. [Banging] Candy. I almost forgot. [Loud knocking against wood] Banana cream pie day. [Sniffing] [Sighing] You outdid yourself, Candy! This smells... [Gasping] What a rat! Donkey Kooooonnng! Get your butt over... I"m here! I"m here! What happened to you? Huh? Oh, long story. See, Bluster was going to the moon, and I had to... Forget your silly games! I"ve got a Crystal Coconut crisis on my hands! I knew you"d find out. Look, I can explain everything. You can explain why Candy stole the Crystal Coconut? Candy stole the Crystal Coconut? I did not! You stole my pie! I did not! Diddy stole it! Diddy stole the coconut? DIDDY: I did not! [Gasping] [Punching and kicking noises] [Grunting] Aaahhh! [Diddy groaning] [Strained voice] DK, I think now might be a good time to come clean! And that"s the whole ugly truth. You knuckle-heads! DIDDY: Ow! [Thudding] Well, this explains everything. It most certainly does. [All talking at once] Hold it! If Candy didn"t steal the Crystal Coconut, then who did? I wonder how my little... [Gasping] Oh! Oh, hohoho! Now bring the coconut home to Papa! Bring to Papa. I won? Oh, I won. Oh, oh, I won! Oho, ah, ah, I won! [Maniacal laughing] Ooh, it scares me to think of what kind of demented plan K. Rool"s brewing in that pea brain of his! DIDDY: Ouch! Not only have we lost the Crystal Coconut, but now Diddy"s invisible and there"s no way of making him visible without it! DIDDY: You mean, I could be invisible... [Gulping] Forever? [Sniffling] I can"t even have another birthday party, "cause no one will know when to shout... [Sniffling] "Surprise!" [Sobbing] There, there, little buddy. DIDDY: Ow! Oh, my other eye! Look, there"s only one solution. You"ve got to get the Crystal Coconut back, or else K. Rool wins! Come on, little buddy. Let"s make tracks. DIDDY: Oh, ow! [Groaning] The karmic tide is high, dude! The cosmos is singin" and good vibes are frequenced to the max! Oh yeah! You got one of those new autopilot gismos, huh? No, dude. My inner voice! It"s gonna guide the ride! Uh, Diddy? Think you can fly the biplane? I don"t know. Could it be any worse than Funky flying the plane on a regular day? Good point. Let"s go. [Gasping] How many days, hours, weeks, and years have I waited for this moment? [Giggling] Then, while the Crystal Coconut is in the safety of my vault, I can go on a nice, long stroll. Nice, long, stroll. Huh? No, wait! Not you! I"m going for a stroll. Hip, hop, hip, hop, hip, hop, hip, hop... Uh, King K. Rool? ROOL: I know you"re expecting me to blow my stack. Ahaha! But I"m not going to do that. Do you know why? Uh, no. Uh, why? Because, unlike you, I have the password. So why should I waste a perfectly good bout of anger, when I can merely recite the secret password, and get out of here. Oh, good! ROOL: Then, upon my exit, I shall great pleasure in executing the full weight of my wrath on your pathetic being in person! Ahahaha! Ready? Uh, Sir? Everything okay? No. I"ve forgotten the password! Get me out of here! And get the Crystal Coconut! What are you two fumblers doing?! [Airplane motoring] Bananaaaa... Slamma! ROOL: Who in lizard"s pants is that? Oh, um, uh... No one! Okay, lizards. Give up the Crystal Coconut or else! ROOL: Is that a Donkey Kong? Cool! Now I"m hearing other dudes' inner voices! Okay, K. Rool, wherever you are. We know you used Candy Clone to steal the Crystal Coconut. So, where is she? [Wind whooshing] ROOL: And don"t come back until you find the Crystal Coconut! Hey, Funky! What did you do with these seats? Are they every comfy! [Squashing noise] DIDDY: You"re sitting on me! Oh! Sorry, little buddy. Uh, Funky, could you take her down a little? Not unless my I.V. tells me to! Right. Diddy? DIDDY: Take her down, funk man! Yo! Rockin" roller coastin', dude! Heeaauuuugh! [Huffing and grunting] Huh? Me Eddie. Mean Old Yeti. Me like you. Oooh. Me a Yeti. Me not so mean. Me not even old. Have a nice toque. ♪ Me like snow ♪ Me like ice ♪ Me like you ♪ You are nice [Beeping] ♪ Me Eddie ♪ Me so lonely ♪ Me keep you ♪ You my only ♪ Me like snow ♪ Me like ice ♪ Me like you ♪ You so nice [Mechanical whirring] Oh, eh, ah... DIDDY: There"s Candy Clone! DK: And there"s the Crystal Coconut! FUNKY: And there"s Eddie, that mean old dude! Funky, quick! Land the plane! Not until the inner... DIDDY: Land the plane for crying out loud, will ya?! ROOL: Wiggly, giggly, doogily diggily, dud. Wiggly, squiggly, moogly, miggly, uh... Iggly, niggly, squookily, squiggly... KLUMP: Okay, Candy Clone! Hand over the... huh? Heh heh, whaddya know? Must"ve taken a wrong turn back there. ROOL: You took a wrong turn the day you were born, you lumpy piece of wasted brain mass! Retreat! ROOL: Piggly piggly giggly, uh, gliggly, fliggly... DIDDY: Don"t worry, DK. I"ve almost... got it! Hahaha, I... Oooh! All right, you mean old yeti! Hand... oof! Heeeauuughh! About face! Huh? ♪ Little buddy! Pass it over! First things first. I wish I was visible again! I"m back! [Giggling] Oh DK, look! I"m back! Haha, isn"t this great? Heeeuuuooogh! Ahh! ♪ [Ricocheting] Phew. I thought that knucklehead would never get it here. Heeughh! Arruuughhh! We"re never gonna make it, DK! Oh yes we are! Candy! Candy? Yes? Huh? [Skidding] Surf"s up, Funky! Diddy dude? Where"d you come from? Caaandy! ROOL: Oooh, when I get finished with Klump, he"s going to look like a stuffed pig! Pig. [Gasping] That"s it! [Clearing throat] Piggly, wiggly, boogly, biggly, eeka, peeka, boo! Now to find Klump and pummel his... You can"t scare me, you big ugly yeti! Huh? Yeeeahhhh! [Loud metallic crashing] Who turned out the lights? [Clobbering] ROOL: Does that answer your question, Klump? KLUMP: Hey, I can see pretty little stars all around my head! Well, I hope you two boneheads learned your lesson. Oh yeah. I"m never making another wish as long as I live! Good, "cause I've got some errands to run. So no funny business with the coconut! BOTH: No way. I brought you something, DK. Banana cream pie. Oh, my favourite! Oh, no you don"t. No way K. Rool"s pulling the same trick on us two times, right, DK? Diddy, no, that"s not the Candy clone... [Squishing] That"s... The real Candy, you chump chimpanzee! [Giggling] Uh, well how about that? Uh, she"s the real Candy, all right. Hehehe, uh. Real mad. CANDY: Donkey Kong! What? It wasn"t me. It was Diddy! ♪ |