 "Now, off you go!! See if you can't finish this ridiculous article without my help!"
|
Act 1[]
You know, Candy, if you were to say the right words, some day all of this could be yours. Get lost, Bluster. Those weren't the actual words I had in mind. I'm trying to finish my work so I can have lunch with Donkey Kong. Why waste time with that unlovable loser when you can have the richest, most eligible
ape on Kongo Bongo? Because DK loves me. He calls me... [Giggling] The "“gorilla his dreams."” Oh, please. Your Donkey Kong is nothing compared to me. Yeah, well, he'd do anything for me. Would he, now? Yes, he would. Would he... marry you? Hmm? Of course he'd marry me. He'd marry me like... that. DK: Hey, Candy! I'll show you true love. Watch this. Are you sure Candy won't mind if you break your lunch date to go fishing? That's the great thing about having a girlfriend. They don't care about stuff like that. Now hide this, quick! Here she comes! Oh, DK, I'm wondering if I could ask you a little favour. Anything for you, Candy. And I have a favour to ask too. Well, you go first. Watch this. Do you mind if I postpone our lunch date? Diddy and I have some very important business to take care of. Sure, not at all, if you do my my favour in return. Anything, my sweet banana muffin. Will you... marry me? No problem. I can do that. I told you... Will I what? Marry me. Will you marry me? Jeepin' junglebugs, that's a heck of a favour. Well? Uh, isn't the guy supposed to ask the girl? Okay then, go ahead and ask. I... Well, you know, I don't really need a favour from you... Well, Donkey Kong, what do you say? I say... Ring! Isn't that the phone? I'd better get it. BLUSTER: Well? What'd he say, what'd he say, what'd he say? Men! BLUSTER: Ow! Donkey Kong, where are you? Hey! DK? Are you hiding? That depends. Is Candy with you? Nope. In that case, I'm not hiding. Gee, DK, you're the bravest ape in Kongo Bongo. You're not afraid of getting married, are you? Don't be silly. It's just that the future ruler of Kongo Bongo isn't allowed to get married. That's it. The Crystal Coconut forbids it. Really? I never knew that. Neither did I, until just now. How's it sound? Well, Cranky would know for sure. We could ask him. DK: Augh! What do you mean, there's no reason I can't get married? There has to be a reason. Nope. It's okey-dokey by me, and it's okey-dokey with the Coconut. Let me be the first to congratulate you on your wedding. So, big buddy, now that you and Candy are getting married, I guess you won't be needing your super cool bachelor pad anymore. Guess not. So I'm pretty sure you'd want it to end up in good hands, like, uh, oh, say, mine? Huh? What do you think, DK? Hey, not so fast, little buddy. I haven't even asked Candy yet. But you're gonna. Have you thought of what you're gonna say? Gee, I don't know. I guess something like, "“Candy, will you marry me?"” Oh, and she'll say yes, and you'll get hitched, and I can have your place! [Laughing] Thunderin' artillery! Did you hear that? Uh, hear what? "“Will you marry me?"” Me? No, you non-commissioned nincompoop, Donkey Kong! You want to marry Donkey Kong? No, Donkey Kong's getting married! We gotta tell King K. Rool immediately. Who did you say was getting married? Me and Klump. Never mind him, sir. Our undercover surveillance overheard Donkey Kong say he was going to ask Candy to marry him. A wedding. [Giggling] How absolutely thrilling! Oh, there's so much to do! Shall I requisition the exploding wedding cake, sir? Or booby trap the bouquets? Or obliterate the hors d'oeuvres? You're not exactly a romantic, are you, Klump? Nugatory on that, sir. I just love weddings. Permission to ask why you care about the enemy's forthcoming marriage, your sentimental slobbiness? Because who's more important than the king? Uh, you are. I am the king! And the king is always the most honoured guest at any wedding on Kongo Bongo. It's just good manners. Even the enemy's weddin'? The only enemies at a wedding, Klump, are the in-laws. I'm sure they'll expect me to give the toast to the bride. I can do this. I can do this. No, I can't! Yeesh, what are you worried about? She doesn't want to marry you anyway. Huh? ♪ Aw, Candy"s got you wrapped around her little finger ♪ ♪ She just wants you to show her that you care ♪ ♪ So if I ask her to be wed, it really means no instead ♪ ♪ Does it makes much sense to you if she really doesn"t want me to? ♪ ♪ When she says "Yes, yes, yes," it means "No, no, no" ♪ ♪ When she says "Yes, yes, yes," it means "No, no, no" ♪ ♪ Yes means no and no means yes ♪ ♪ It should be rather obvious ♪ If you ask, she will say "nay" ♪ ♪ A swinging bachelor you will stay ♪ ♪ Oh, this makes no sense to me ♪ ♪ If I ask her she won"t agree ♪ ♪ Why look like a foolish clown when she"s only gonna turn me down? ♪ ♪ If I read between the lines, and understand what you say ♪ ♪ It"s not a true proposal, just a road all grey ♪ ♪ When she says "Yes, yes, yes," it means "No, no, no" ♪ ♪ When she says "Yes, yes, yes," you know it's all for show ♪ ♪ When she says "Yes, yes, yes," it means "No, no, no" ♪ ♪ When she says "Yes, yes, yes," you know it's all for show ♪ So march in there and ask Candy to marry you and get it over with. Marry me, Candy, and everything that's mine is yours, except for what's in this prenuptial agreement. Hold everything! Candy, don't do anything until you hear me out? Can it wait, DK? Bluster's proposing to me. I think Candy's smart enough to realize that I've got much more to offer her than you. No, she's not. Excuse me? I mean... Here, for you. Candy, there's something I want to ask you. I... I... >> Oh, very eloquent, I must say. I'd like to see you do this. My pleasure. Candy, my sweet... >> No so fast, Bluster. Candy, may I have this hand in... marriage? Sure, but you'd better ask Bluster. It's his hand. BOTH: Yuck! If you can't say what you came here to say, then I'm leaving. No, wait! I'm ready! Candy, say the words that will make me the happiest monkey in the world! I'd... love to marry you. Those aren't the words. So how did it go? I'd say congratulations are in order. Congratulations, big buddy, I told you she'd say no. [Chuckling] She said yes. Oh, that's bad. CANDY: What? I mean, that's good. Well, good for you, Candy, and for me. Why you, Diddy? Well, gee, if DK marries you, I get his bachelor pad. I suppose you realize you're making the biggest mistake of your life. Don't I know it. I was talking to Candy. DK, don't you want to marry me? Of course I do! I wouldn't have asked if I thought you were going to say no, would I? Uh, see ya. You can always change your mind. Really? I mean... nothing could make me change my mind, Candy. CRANKY: Donkey Kong! If you're still looking for a loophole, I found a way you can get out of marrying Candy. CANDY: What? Uh, that's okay, Cranky! We can discuss it later. I'm sure he meant loophole in the good sense. It seems any future ruler of Kongo Bongo has to ask permission to marry from the Inka Dinka Doo. Who knows? Maybe he'll say no and let you off the hook. Yes! Ye... [Clearing throat] Yes, yes. I'm sure it's just a formality. And when he sees how lovely you are, well, how can he say no? Come on. No thanks, you go yourself. I've got way too much to do for the wedding. I'm getting married tomorrow, DK, with you or without you. Uh, maybe we've come at a bad time. We don't want to Inka Dinka disturb him. INKA DINKA DOO: Who goes there? I know you're wondering why we just dropped in without an invitation, but, well, you see, Inky, I'm supposed to get married tomorrow, before I give Candy my Inka Dinka I Do, I thought I'd just check it out with you. Nose to the ground. Do not tarry. Is that, uh, a yes? If you say no, I'll understand, really. Only with this can a monkey marry. Is that a yes or a no? [Growling] Come on, DK, let's get out of here! So all you have to you is tell Candy that the Inka Dinka Doo said Inka Dinka Don't get married, and you're a free ape. But that's not what it said. Is it? Who ever knows what it says? I can't lie to Candy. What if I'm supposed to marry her? I gotta make sure, little buddy. See you later. Hey, Inka, I wasn't quite clear on your messages, so I was wondering, could you give me a... siiign! Look out, dudes, I'm hanging zen! Whoa! You gotta help us. We need all these invitations to Candy and DK's wedding delivered today. Can you do it, Funky? Chill, future Mrs. Donkey Dude, the Funk-man is on the job. CANDY: I'm counting on you, Funky. [Screaming] Oof! I gotta admit, Inky. I'm still a little bruised and confused here. Does this mean you don't want me to get married? In that case, just point my nose to the door. Whoa! Hey! I said door, not floor! Help! ♪ Let's get it right so you don't embarrass me at the wedding. ♪ Hey, Fred Astairical! I'm leading! Why you? Because I outrank you. Ow! Ow! Get off my feet! [Screaming] KLUMP AND K. ROOL: Ow, ooh, ow, ouch, ooh... I like this dance better. Excuse me, croco-dudes. How dare you enter my private inner sanctum without an invitation? We're surfing the same wavelength, your dude-ness, because that's just what I have. Invitations to the Donkey dude's wedding. One for you, and one for you. And? That's all they wrote. Later, gator. They didn't invite me? That's so unfair. What's wrong with me? Haven't I always tried to be a good enemy to Donkey Kong? Permission to invite you as my date, your party pooper-ness? No, no, no! Now they've insulted me. I wouldn't go to that wedding if they begged me to go. Well, I'll save you a piece of wedding cake, sir. Those arrogant apes will soon discover that if I'm not invited to their wedding, there won't be any wedding. [Evil laughter] [Rooster crowing] Hey, DK, ready for your big day? DK? Why are you looking for him here? He's with you. You mean he's not back from the Inka Dinka Doo? He said he'd see me later or he'd be here for the wedding, and that was yesterday. Oh, this is bad. This is bad! I'll bet the answer is right in front of my nose. [Rumbling] Yikes! I'm no good at riddles. Can't we play charades instead? [Screaming] Can we get this show on the road? I'm losing a fortune standing around here. I'm ready. Where's DK? Candy, I know you'll understand, and I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. What I'm trying to say is... DK never came back from the temple of Inka Dinka Doo. DK stood me up at my own wedding? I can't believe he did this to me. Well, if you're not getting married, let's get back to work. Not so fast! I'm getting married today, and if the monkey I'm marrying isn't here, I'm marrying the monkey who is! [Gasping] Oof! I've never spent so much time with my nose in the dirt. Hey, what's this? A ring. Nose to the ground. Do not tarry. "“Only with this can a monkey marry."” It's a wedding ring! That's it, isn't it? Congratulations. Banana slamma! The ring's a sign! You want me to get married. I can do that. But now I'm going to be late for my own wedding. Can you... [Growling] [Screaming] Oof! I'm free. I'm free! And I'm starving. Maybe I should have mentioned food. [Inka Dinka Doo growling] Never mind! I'll pick something up on the way! Are you sure you want to go ahead with this wedding? I'm not going to miss my wedding day just because the groom didn't show up. And this is one time I don't mind being second banana. Let's do it! Get this thing in gear, Cranky. If you're sure. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here... Gotta get to my wedding! Huh? Hmm, don't mind if I do. [K. Rool cackling] K. Rool! Hate to eat and run. Did I mention I'm late for a wedding? Mine! Oh, you're not going anywhere, Donkey Kong. But not to worry, I'll be sure to send your regrets to the wedding party. Do you, Bluster, you pompous obnoxious spoiled brat mama's boy of a baboon, take way-out- of-your-league Candy to be your lawfully wedded wife? Why is there still a wedding going on? But what's even more interesting is, if everybody is there, then who's watching the Crystal Coconut? [Laughing] For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health... Wait a minute, not so fast. I wand to go over that "“richer and poorer"” part again with my lawyer. I don't think it's fair that I'm not allowed to go to my own wedding. I wanted to dance at your wedding. We could all still dance. With me here, it's like having half a wedding. That makes sense. ♪ You bow to the left, you bow to the right ♪ ♪ You take your partner"s hand and you hold on tight ♪ ♪ You pull him in close and you don"t let go ♪ ♪ Now, you"re doing the Banana Dosey-Do ♪ ♪ You push "em back quick then you pull "em in fast ♪ ♪ You spin "em real hard to make their dizziness last ♪ ♪ You grab them by the shoulders and you shake them like so ♪ ♪ Now, you"re doing the Banana Dosey-Do ♪ ♪ You grab them by the waist, lift them high in the air ♪ ♪ If you throw him high enough he"ll need intensive care ♪ ♪ You"re doing a hand-stand, you"re walking real slow ♪ ♪ Now, you"re doing the Banana Dosey-Do ♪ ♪ You promenade as you"re dancing through the Everglades ♪ ♪ Skip to the beat, until you can"t feel your feet ♪ ♪ ♪ You grab him by the sides and you bend him in half ♪ ♪ You tickle his feet so it makes him laugh ♪ ♪ Hold them in your arms, rock them to and fro ♪ ♪ Now you"re doing the Banana Dosey-Do ♪ ♪ Doing the Banana Dosey-Do ♪ If anyone here knows why this wedding should not take place, let him speak now or forever hold his peace. DK: Banana slamma! Hold everything! Nobody's marrying Candy unless it's me! [Sighing] Are you sure, Donkey Kong? I just spent the last day in the temple of Inka Dinka Doo so I could give you this. Oh, DK. You do want to get married. Let's get this show on the road. And then, let's eat. I'm starving. Curses. There must be some way to open this stupid thing. And now, ancient ritual demands the bride and groom tap the cane to show their love. And now, DK, your turn. One measly tap? I can do better than that. [Thumping] [Cackling] The best wedding gift of all. It's all mine. Let's go, Klump! Aw, do we have to go just yet? I was hoping to catch the bouquet. Look, Klump and K. Rool! They're getting away with the Coconut! This'll teach you to not invite me to your wedding! [Cackling] Are you gonna just stand there like a limp chimp? Get them! I almost missed my wedding once already. I'm not going to miss it again. On with the ceremony, Cranky! But... but the Coconut! Are you crazy? Yup. Crazy in love. And I'm not going anywhere until the ceremony is over. What's next? Skip that, skip that, yada yada yada, skip that, okay. Does anybody here know why this wedding should not take place? Let them speak now or forever hold their peace. No? In that case... >> I do. I mean, I do know why this wedding shouldn't take place. You do? Why? Well, don't get mad, DK, but your job is to save the Coconut, and if you stay here now just so you don't hurt my feelings and don't save the Coconut, well, that's not right. Besides, there's things, like my career, that I still have to do, at least for now. It's not that I don't like you. You understand that, don't you, DK? You mean that, Candy? Really? Because I'm not afraid to marry you. Well, not really afraid. You're very sweet, DK. And that's why I like you so much. Now go save the Coconut! Hey, this isn't just an excuse to get rid of me and marry Bluster, is it? ALL: Go! All right! Just checking. Banana slamma! [Panting] Now that I have the Crystal Coconut in my possession... [Panting] Maybe it's time I thought about settling down with a wife. Sorry, sir, but I can't volunteer for that mission. Thank you for asking, though, sir. I didn't mean you, you... What the... Will you disco dunces stop that? Aw, it's more fun when the monkey calls. DK: Banana slamma! Glad to oblige. Get him! Not so fast, my scaly pets. Let's show the king our fancy steps. ♪ Dosey-Do, King, have no fear ♪ And send that Coconut over here ♪ Thanks, and enjoy the hoedown. ♪ I've got it! [All cheering] Hurrah! So what do we do now? I thought I was going to be your best man. I thought I was going to be part of the wedding party. But now there's no wedding. Hey, little buddy, just because there wasn't a wedding, doesn't mean we can't have a party. Hit it, Funky! ♪ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. ♪ ♪ |