 "You have to do better than that! Still got you beat, hunh?! "
|
Act 1[]
Cranky is resting in a paradise
Cranky: (drinking something offscreen) Ah, solitude! Undisturbed, uninterrupted, solitude nothing and none to pester me for a whole week
Some bees ruin Cranky's relaxation time by buzzing next to him
Cranky: (waves his hand to lure them away) Buzz off bees! Ah
More bees arrive and ruin Cranky's time
Cranky: Uh oh
The bees completely ruin Cranky's time and is making him all tingly
Meanwhile, at a jungle
Diddy: Cranky must be having right now
Donkey Kong: Maybe Diddy (eats banana) more like he's relaxing and hating every minute of it
Diddy: Uh, no one to group chat?
Donkey Kong: You guessed it little buddy
Diddy: So, um, what do you want to do today DK?
Funky: (driving his plane in the sky) Yo! Donkey dude, Diddy dude, you want to go surfing? (balancing on his plane) Hang tight on the edge (wails excitedly) Ride that curve (laughs)
Donkey Kong: (jumping) Come on Diddy! Like Funky said, let's go ride on the side, ride that turf and- (slips on banana)
Diddy: You okay DK?
Donkey Kong: Yeah, except something's jabbing my vertibone. (picks up a treasure bottle) An old bottle?
Diddy: Oh with a message inside
Funky: A message from some flounder (laughs)
Donkey Kong: Not a message (opens the bottle and grabs the message) It's a map
Diddy: That's no ordinary map, look, footprints leading to a big x!
Donkey Kong: So, who wants to go clear across the island for an x
Funky: Especially when all you can spell with it is like, uh, xylophone
Donkey Kong: Or exit
Funky: Or ox
Diddy: Or treasure!
Donkey Kong: (laughing) There's no 'x' in treasure, Diddy
Diddy: (throws his cap on the floor and starts jumping on it) Ugh, I know that, I'm saying this is a treasure map, x marks the spot!
Donkey Kong and Funky: Treasure?!
Diddy: Theme!
Funky: Fortune!
Donkey Kong: I can't go
Diddy and Funky: Huh?
Donkey Kong: I've got a date with Candy
Diddy and Funky are dancing to prepare for their persuasive song
Funky: ♪How could you pass on something like this?♪
Diddy: ♪Not wanna go when it's all that you wish for♪
Funky: ♪Think of all the treasure you're gonna miss♪
Diddy: ♪Don't you want to get your hands on Riches Galore?♪
Donkey Kong: No
Funky: ♪Get your head out of the clouds!♪
Diddy: ♪Adventure waiting times-a-wastin'♪
Funky: ♪You could be living on easy street♪
Diddy: ♪C'mon, DK, doesn't this sound sweet?♪
Donkey Kong: No
Funky: ♪You could have a house with coconut walls!♪
Diddy: ♪You could have a swing for two installed!♪
Funky: ♪You could have your own banana tree!♪
Diddy: ♪You could buy anything you want for Candy!♪
Donkey Kong: A gift for Candy?
All: ♪Let's go, let's go hit the road! We'll find treasure by the truckload, let's go, let's go grab the map for five more ride and we can rap!♪
'Donkey Kong: Fire up the plane, Funky!
Then, Bluster is wondering through the forest.
Bluster: I'm certain I dropped that coin around here somewhere
The trio laughing offscreen
Donkey Kong: (offscreen) We're going on a treasure hunt!
Funky: (offscreen) Right on dude
Bluster: (overheard conversation) Treasure?
The trio set off to find the treasure, via Funky's Plane
Bluster: I'm just one sneaky beat them to it step away from becoming an even richer richest ape on Kongo Bongo island! - (to the audience) And that's rich
The scene switches to Bluster trying to work his Barrel-Copter
Bluster: That unimaginative Donkey Kong would be more than happy to trade whatever treasure he finds for a... a... station wagon to cart all his banana's around in
Funky, Donkey Kong and Diddy: (offscreen; screaming)
Donkey Kong Here's right, kingside, banana split!
Candy: (to Bluster) Hey, where's Donkey Kong going?
Bluster: (gasps) Candy, forget that, you didn't see them, you're hallucinating, you just think Donkey Kong's going on a treasure hunt. (realizes he blabbed out the treasure hunt) Can I rephrase that?
Candy: He's standing me up to go on a treasure hunt? (about to get frustrated) Why of all the nerve, oh-
Dixie: Uh Candy, "treasure hunt" as in "treasure hunt"
Candy: Treasure? He's going on a treasure hunt?
Bluster: Now Candy, as foreman of the barrel-
Candy and Dixie enter the Barrel-Copter
Candy: Are you flying this or am I learning how to fly it without you?
Bluster works his Barrel-Copter
DIXIE: Good decision.
[Beeping]
Only 500 more points to beat
your record, Your Kroc-ship.
Come on, come on, come on.
[Static crackling]
KLUMP: General Klump to King
K. Rool, you read me, O High
and Mightiness?
Looking a little pale there, Chief.
[Yelling]
[Bashing]
[Panting]
[Phone ringing]
Uh, Chief?
Are you there, Chief?
[Stammering]
Y... y... you... Highness.
KLUMP: Seems we had some sort
of interference.
Well, never mind.
You"re certainly gonna green up
around the gills when you hear this.
Just give me your monkey
business field report, you
slimy-skinned bottom-feeder!
KLUMP: Uh, best we can tell,
the apes are mounting a full
force, top secret search and
rescue opertion in the mountain mines, sir.
Mountain mines?
What could those monkeys be
looking for in the mountain mines?
Duh... uh... rocks?
Rocks?
Of course.
Like the kind in your head!
What"s their target, Klump?
KLUMP: Buried treasure, sir.
Any idea what sort of treasure?
KLUMP: Um... rocks?
Oh, where have I failed?
You walking wallets!
It"s so painfully obvious.
Not rocks, not rocks.
The treasure contains a secret
doomsday device capable of
destroying the whole island.
Any fool could see that.
Do you know what that means?!
Uh... the apes will have
supreme domination over Kongo
Bongo and probably turn us into
matching luggage.
He does have his moments.
But that won"t happen.
We"ll get the treasure before
those knuckle-dragging baboons.
And I, King K. Rool, will have
complete domination of Kongo Bongo Island.
KLUMP: Uh, Chief?
Are you there, Chief?
Chief?
Take care of that, Krusha.
KLUMP: Hello, Chief?
Hello, Chief, I"m talkin' at
you, but you"re not listening to me.
Chief!
Chief?
Head Chief, can you hear me?
Chief, I"m talking at ya!
♪
DIDDY: Uh, hey, Funky.
We missed our turnoff.
No problemo, Diddy dude.
I can swing it.
[Screaming]
Whoa, bananas overboard!
Funky, no banana seatbelts?
Number one item on my wish list, DK.
With that treasure, I"m gonna
fix up this old rig good as new.
[Engine sputtering]
Whoa, check it out, dudes.
Never saw green clouds before.
Well, maybe once.
Hey, where"d all that water come from?
That"s not water, Funky, it's sky!
We"re flying upside down!
Chill, Phil!
A compass is the number one item
on my wish list.
[Screaming]
CANDY: And the first thing
I"m gonna buy with my share is
the barrel factory.
Your share?
It"s my treasure.
You"re just along for the ride.
Guys.
Watch yourself, Bluster, or
you just might find yourself
looking for a job.
Guys.
BLUSTER: You mean like the
job you used to have?
Guys!
BLUSTER: Huh?
Donkey and Diddy are going the other way.
[Screaming]
[Buzzing]
You want banana soda...
you got banana soda.
Ah, no nothing and no one to
wreck my vaca... [Chattering]
Huh?
Ants!
First bees, now ants!
Blast!
Come back here, you thieving insects!
ROOL: I want that treasure.
I want my doomsday device.
Well, those clueless chimps may
know their way around the island
up there, but no one knows the
underground like King K. Rool.
[Laughing]
Left, Krusha.
[Wheels squealing]
[Crashing]
I meant right.
DK: Looks pretty thick down there.
And rocky.
Think you can get the plane
down there, Funky?
No sweat, DK.
[Engine sputtering]
No gas.
BOTH: "No gas"?!
FUNKY: Hang loose, big dude
and little dude.
I can"t turn, I can't back up,
but I can surf these air
currents all day long.
Funky, look!
Aim for that mine opening.
Hold onto your stomach luggage, dudes.
DK: Wait, Funky, don"t you
have a reserve gas tank?
FUNKY: Yeah, back at the shack.
[Screaming]
DK: Brakes!
FUNKY: Don"t need 'em.
[Crashing]
See?
DIDDY: Oh.
[Coughing]
[Rumbling]
FUNKY: Earthquake?
DIDDY: A monster guarding the treasure?
DK: No.
Oh, my stomach.
It"s running on empty.
Right now, I"d give my share of
the treasure for one juicy, ripe banana.
Hang in there, DK.
According to the map, we veer
left about 300 paces ahead.
Then what, little dude?
Look for a big "X," I guess.
BLUSTER: There will be
numerous dangers lurking in this dark mine.
Feel free to wait here in safety, while I...
Huh?
DIXIE: Candy!
Here"s Funky's plane!
CANDY: We"re on the right track!
Come on, Dixie!
Our treasure"s waiting.
My treasure!
Mine.
♪
ROOL: As soon as they find
it, we take it, bid them a good
doomsday, and take over the island.
At last, Kongo Bongo Island will be mine.
[Laughing]
[Bluster panting]
What?
[Laughing]
DIDDY: Two ninety-eight, two
ninety-nine, three hundred.
This is it!
The treasure"s here.
Uh, somewhere.
And all we gotta do is find it.
Now, if the treasure was
truffles and we were pigs...
DK: It"s no use.
Without bananas, my muscles turn
to mush and I"m finished.
I couldn"t find that treasure
even if I fell over it.
Whoa!
DK, you did it!
You found the treasure!
I did do it, didn"t I, Diddy?
DIDDY: Yes!
Now I can buy Candy the
biggest present ever!
Thanks, Donkey Kong, but now
I can buy my own gift, the
barrel factory, so I don"t have
to work for Bluster!
Oh, no, you don"t.
I"m buying Kongo Bongo Island,
so everyone will have to work for me.
Sorry, dudes and dudettes,
I"m fixing my wings.
Since that last landing, my...
Uh... wish list is growing.
DK: But, Candy... CANDY: Barrel Factory!
BLUSTER: Kongo Bongo Island!
FUNKY: My wings!
ROOL: My doomsday device.
If you don"t mind.
"Doomsday device"?
[Gasping]
"Doomsday device"?
Heavy.
Let me explain.
You see, without this doomsday
device... call me a pessimist...
But I should think taking over
the island will continue being
as bothersomely tedious as it
has been thus far, whereas with
this device I can wrest total
control simply by threatening to
use it to destroy the entire island.
Which I might do anyway, because...
[Laughing]
As they say, "absolute power
corrupts absolutely."
[Laughing]
Regardless, you can appreciate
the time you"ll save yourselves
by handing it over, so I can do
away with you and get on as new dictator.
Give me.
Too late, lizard lips.
The babes went cruisin" with
what you"re losin' from the
second you made the scene.
Krusha, the cart!
After them!
Not without me, you stupid,
thick-headed tadpole!
[Wheels squealing]
[Rool crashing]
[Rool coughing]
Signal your stops.
If that treasure is what Rool
thinks that treasure is, Diddy,
our only hope of saving Candy,
Dixie, and Kongo Bongo is to get
it from them before he does.
Let"s go.
Well, I do wish you luck.
FUNKY: DK said it was time to
make like a banana and split.
Dig?
I"m afraid I'm a bit of a
klutz when it comes to doomsday
devices and...
What was Rool yapping about?
Who knows.
By the time he puts a cork in
it, we"ll be the new owners of
the Kongo Bongo Barrelworks.
♪ With these riches, I will gain
my freedom from Bluster acting
like a jerk ♪
♪ I don"t need anyone to shower
me with diamonds, I won"t ever
have to work ♪
♪ Not so fast, my dear, the
treasure is mine now ♪
♪ I can plan my evil schemes
♪ With this device I will take
over the island ♪
♪ Oh, it sounds like such a dream ♪
♪ I don"t mean to disappoint you, Rool ♪
♪ I"m gonna stop you from your evil ways ♪
♪ Kongo Bongo will be out of
your grasp and the island will
be safe for one more day ♪
BLUSTER: ♪ Oh my goodness, oh
my gosh, I don"t like this ♪
♪ Someone take away this doomsday thing ♪
♪ I have to think about myself
and save my own skin ♪
♪ Who knows what evil this will bring ♪
♪ All I want to do is buy the
factory... ooh... all the freedom
and luxury ♪
♪ Gonna be a hero when I save
the island, gonna stop King K.
Rool"s evil plans ♪
♪ The thought of my demise
displeases me, self-preservation
is the key ♪
ROOL: ♪ The keg is mine, so
I"ll see you later, all hail
your new dictator! ♪
♪
We"re in the home stretch now.
Candy, ahead I can see
nothing but clear blue sky!
[Wheels squealing]
Whew!
That"s what I call a close one!
[Screaming]
[Crashing]
Out of the way!
[Crashing]
[Rool laughing]
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
Yours, yours, yours.
[Screaming]
[Crashing]
ROOL: Come to papa.
Ah.
[Screaming]
[Rool groaning]
CANDY: All right, Donkey
Kong, what did you do with my treasure?
It"s not a treasure, Candy.
ROOL: Exactamundo.
It"s... my doomsday device.
A weapon he plans to use to
take over Kongo Bongo Island.
Well, don"t just sit there, Donkey Kong.
Roll up your sleeves and show
those Krocs some monkey muscle.
I can"t, Dixie.
I"m battling a serious banana deficiency.
My moment of... [Grunting]
Triumph and... [Grunting]
You"re powerless to stop me.
It just doesn"t... [Grunting]
Get any better than this, does it?
Krusha, do the honours.
[Popping]
Behold, my doomsday... paper?
Hm, must be the instructions.
"Keep your paws off my treasure," signed...
Donkey Kong!
That"s right, that is my treasure.
I put it there and the map and everything.
And you didn"t remember?
It was a long time ago, Diddy.
I was just a little chimp
playing pirates and hiding my
prize possessions.
"Possessions"?
[Sniffing]
[Coughing]
What else?
Bananas.
And they"ve been in there how long?!
ALL: Ew!
Ew!
[Coughing]
I suppose there is an upside
to this whole rotten mess.
I finally get to do away with Donkey Kong.
[Muffled screaming]
VOICE: Get me out of here!
[Muffled screaming]
[Creaking]
ALL: Cranky?
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
I could ask you what you"re
doing here, all of you.
But I know.
Wrecking my vacation, that"s what.
First bees, then ants, now you
and those overstuffed alligators
are the icing on the cake!
Deal with them, Krusha.
I"ve had such a wretched day.
[Popping]
Go ahead.
Help yourself.
[Buzzing]
[Loud buzzing]
Oh!
Got a real bite to it, don"t it?
[Rool screaming]
KRUSHA: I"m comin', Your Swollenness.
Cranky, where are you going?
CRANKY: Home for some peace and quiet!
[Cranky muttering]
Oh, well.
There goes my dreams of buying
the Barrelworks.
And my dream of buying it for you, Candy.
But who needs treasure when
we"ve got each other.
Ah, romance.
Yuch!
FUNKY: Whoa, maybe the gator
dudes left the island.
BLUSTER: What are we going to do?
FUNKY: Only thing we can do.
Chill out here until someone
gives us the all-clear sign.
BLUSTER: But that could take a long time.
FUNKY: So we get to know each other.
Like, I"ll tell you my middle
name if you, like, tell me yours.
BLUSTER: Let me out of here!
Someone, anyone!
Get me out!
I"ll take my chances!
Someone, anyone!
♪