Bug a Boogie/Transcript

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Act 1

(Then we see Diddy with his Bananaphone) Diddy Kong: Little Warrior to Big Warrior, come in! Over. Donkey Kong: (on phone) I can hear you loud and clear, little buddy! Diddy Kong: Not "little buddy"! Little Warrior! If you"re going to play with banana phones, you"ve got to talk in secret agent code, DK! Uh, I mean, Big Warrior. (He sees Donkey Kong up in a tree) Donkey Kong: (on phone) Oh, yeah! Okay, okay. (He comes down) Donkey Kong: (on phone) Little Warrior... (Chuckling) This is fun! Diddy Kong: No, it's serious! We're gorilla agents on a top secret mission, sent in to the deepest, darkest, most dangerous part of the jungle! Donkey Kong: Really? Diddy Kong: (on phone) Yes, there"s no telling what kind of uncivilized, pea-brained gargantuan beasts could be lurking out there! (Then we see Klump and Krusha hiding in the bushes) Krusha: Why we gonna steal the banana toy? Klump: It's not a toy! Any military genius can see it's really a superior eavesdropping secret spy device, used to secure delicate information from the enemy. Krusha: Looks like a toy to me. Klump: Well, it's not! It's a secret spy device. I'll need to get my hands on it if I'm gonna get back in King K. Rool's good books. Hush, now. Little fella"s coming this way. (They hide as they see Diddy come closer) Diddy Kong: See anything, Big Warrior? Donkey Kong: Not yet, Little... (He hears something) Wait. I hear something in the bushes. Diddy Kong: Me, too! Donkey Kong: It's right in front of me (Suddenly he saw Diddy, & screams) Diddy Kong: (laughing, then stopped as he discovered an unknown object) Oh! Look at this! Donkey Kong: What do you think it is? Diddy Kong: I don't know. (He puts down his Bananaphone, & picks up the object) Maybe it dropped out of an alien spaceship or something. Betcha it's got magical powers. (Klump takes Diddy's bananaphone) Donkey Kong: You think so? Diddy Kong: (noticed his Bananaphone is missing) Hey! My banana phone... it's gone! (They see the Kremlings making off with it in the mine cart) Diddy Kong: Oh, those no good, dirty, rotten, low-down, yellow-bellied, deep in slime sucking salamanders! Donkey Kong: Why would they steal a banana phone? Diddy Kong: They probably stole it so they could spy on us. Listen in on everything we say. Donkey Kong: Then let's give them something to really listen to! Diddy Kong: Oh, you mean like a practical joke? (laughs) Donkey Kong: Yeah! Let's radio them, then hang up! (laughing) Diddy Kong: No, that's not going to teach them a lesson. (He gets an idea) But I know what will! (Scene cuts to King K. Rool in his lair waiting, then he sees Klump and Krusha arrive in their cart) King K. Rool: You're late! Klump: Sorry, King K. Rool, sir. But we were detained! For a good reason. King K. Rool: There is no good reason for tardiness. (The cart stops) Klump: WHOA! (he throws the bananaphone, & it lands it to the ground near King K. Rool's feet) King K. Rool: What is this? Klump: It's an eavesdropping device, sir. A bug. King K. Rool: I'm not interested in bugs, I'm interested in power. Supreme power, unlimited power that will make me... Powerful. (evil laugh) Diddy Kong: (on phone) Hey, DK, what should we do with this shiny new amulet? Donkey Kong: (on phone) You mean the one that is even more magical than the Crystal Coconut? King K. Rool: (gasp) More magical than the Crystal Coconut? (He hears their conversation over the bananaphone) Diddy Kong: (on phone) Oh where, oh where should we put it? Donkey Kong: (on phone) Maybe we should hide it some place like the Forbidden Forest of Kongo Bongo? No one will find it. Diddy Kong: (on phone) You mean the lizards? Donkey Kong: (on phone) Yeah! King K. Rool and his cronies. Klump: (gasp) Cronies? Krusha: What's a crony? Klump: Oh, it's a derogatory term used to describe heathen henchmen like ourselves who reside in the lowest level of authority. King K. Rool: Wait, you two room spun idiots, be quiet! I'm trying to eavesdrop! Donkey Kong: (on phone) No one can find out we're hiding this magical mysterious amulet in the Forbidden Forest. King K. Rool: Klump, Krusha... to the Forbidden Forest! Immediately! I want that power source! (Scene cuts back to Donkey Kong and Diddy in the jungle, as DK turn off his Bananaphone and him and Diddy laugh hysterically) Diddy Kong: Oh, what a great practical joke! Hee hee hee! Wait'll Cranky hears this one! (Scene then cuts to Cranky talking to DK and Diddy inside his cabin) Cranky Kong: How many times have I told you not to play practical jokes?! Donkey Kong: We were just having some fun. Cranky Kong: Every ape with a brain knows that's the Amulet of Bug a Boogie! Diddy Kong: Huh? Cranky Kong: It's nothing but pure evil! We're all in danger now! Donkey Kong: What should we do?! Cranky Kong: You have to bring it some place no one will ever go! Go to the Forbidden Forest and hide it in the Well of Woe. Donkey Kong: WHOA!! No way am I going to the Forbidden Forest of Kongo Bongo! Cranky Kong: You have to! The fate of Kongo Bongo relies on it! Diddy Kong: I don't believe it! You're scared! Donkey Kong: Am not I just looking out for you, little buddy. Wouldn't want you to get eaten by a bog monster. Diddy Kong: (laughing) A bog monster? Cranky Kong: Will you two quit your goofing around and scat? There's no telling what kind of evil has already been unleashed! Now go! (Donkey Kong and Diddy leave the cabin) Cranky Kong: And hurry! (after they leave the cabin, Cranky laughs) Those knuckleheads! That'll teach them a lesson and keep them out of my fur for a while. (Unknown to Cranky, though, Kaptain Skurvy is coming to the island again to steal the Crystal Coconut. The scene then cuts to Skurvy's ship where Skurvy is dancing as he sings "The Booty Boogie") Skurvy: 🎵If ya ask me mother, she'll say, "Ah, he's not so bad"🎵 🎵But when I left the house, I took everything she had🎵 🎵I took 'er silver and 'er gold, and scoffed 'er weddin' band🎵 🎵I even took 'er aprons and 'er copper pots and pans🎵 Kutlass & Green Kroc: 🎵Lyin', lootin', stealin',🎵 Skurvy: 🎵Is the reason I'm a pirate!🎵 Kutlass & Green Kroc: 🎵Ransackin', pillagin',🎵 Skurvy: 🎵Don't knock it 'til you try it!🎵 Kutlass & Green Kroc: Plundering and pilferin',🎵 Skurvy: 🎵Make up a healthy diet!🎵 🎵Arrh, look at me! I'm doin' the Booty Boogie!🎵 🎵No treasure is too big; I'd scarf the peaks of Kilimanjaro🎵 🎵As well as raid the tomb, and steal the mummy from a pharaoh🎵 🎵I'd swipe the Crown Jewels, and Merlin's crystal ball,🎵 🎵But the Crystal Coconut is the daddy of 'em all!🎵 🎵If you want a job with all the riches you can stand,🎵 🎵And all o' the security of a great pension plan,🎵 🎵Arrh! Then come aboard!🎵 All: 🎵Lyin', lootin', stealin' is the reason we are pirates!🎵 🎵Ransackin', pillagin', don't knock it 'til you try it!🎵 🎵Plunderin' and pilferin' make up a healthy diet,🎵 🎵Arrh, look at us! We're doin' the Booty Boogie!🎵 🎵Arrh, from sea to sea! We're doin' the Booty Boogie!🎵 Skurvy: 🎵Arr🎵 Kutlass: Heh-heh, what a nice-a song. Green Kroc: Mais, oui.

Act 2

Hip, hup, hip, hup! Company halt! Krusha? Krusha! Klump... Oh, Krusha! Klump! Where's the magic amulet? Haven't you found Donkey Kong yet? Uh, almost, sir. 'Almost'? As in I'm almost ready to barbeque your sorry carcass? Uh, no. Almost as in somewhere between not really and sort of-kind of. Don't tell me you're lost! Oh, negative, sir. My keen sense of sight, smell and direction have yet to fail me. Hip, hup, hip, hup! Hip, hup... Hip, hup, what ya got? A general's brain can't hold a thought. Aah! DK's a scaredy cat! DK's a... Stop that! I am not. I know, I'm just funning you. There's nothing to be scared... Aah! [Laughing] It was me, ya goof! That was you? Of course! Who else? Now, quit clowning. I just want to find this Well of Woe and get out of here. Me too! [Laughing] That'll teach 'em. Teach who what? [Laughing] Teach DK and Diddy that practical jokes aren't fun! Sounds fly! Label the scene for me, ancient relic dude. DK and Diddy found this crazy gadget, so I told him it was a magical amulet with evil powers! Then I sent them on a wild goose chase to the Forbidden Forest to get rid of it, but the place I sent them to doesn't even exist! Whoa! Negative karma, fossil man! What are you talking about? Zen law, dude! What goes around, comes around. You'd better flex a move to correct or I'm betting you are regretting. [Laughing] Don't be silly. It's just a practical joke. [Laughing] CRANKY: Practical joke! Hmm, a practical joke? I'm duped! And what's more, I've got Klump and Krusha in the Forbidden Forest running after an amulet that's worthless when all this time I could have been stealing the Crystal Coconut in Donkey Kong's absence! [Gasping] The Crystal Coconut! [Static buzzing] Krusha! Abort the mission and come back to headquarters immediately! I can't. Why not?! Something bad happened. Argh! Then find Klump and tell him to get his leathery hide back here immediately! Klump! You don't have to shout. Klump?! [Chuckling nervously] Oh, hello there, sir. Everything, um... under control here. If I recall, my villain tutorial's lesson 109 states, 'When all else fails, implement and execute heinous diabolical plan yourself!' Hey, how did you fit these little pirate dudes in the Zen gem? Pirates? What? Oh, no! They're on the island! I've got to warn Donkey Kong! Far out. Now the joke's on you. Karmic kickback! [Laughing] Just watch the coconut, will you? Whoa! I'm sensing some really negative vibes. Whoa! Jump back, Jack! Arr, I be Skurvy, not Jack. And I come in the name of me great-great-great-grand-pappy to claim me birthright... The Crystal Coconut. I gotta tell you dudes, you are riding some serious negative waves. But you're in luck... I have cosmic jurisdiction to assign mantras. But before I can do that, you dudes will need a major cosmic cleansing and total clearing of the chakras. [Muffled] No offense, but I think you dudes are missing the point. Aye, but you be missing more than that, mate. Did you hear that, Diddy? Little bud? Where are you? Aah! The bog monster! Whoa! No! Go away! DIDDY: Cut it out, will ya? [Laughing] There's no such thing as bog monsters! Yes, there is! I saw one. When I was just a little monkey, Cranky always warned me not to go into the Forbidden Forest. You must have imagined it, DK. No, I didn't! I know what I saw. ♪ In the Forbidden Forest lurks a monster and you'll see ♪ ♪ How my childhood curiosity got the best of me ♪ ♪ With crusty skin and giant claws ♪ ♪ And dripping fangs and beady eyes ♪ ♪ His arms surround you ♪ Feels like drowning in mud pies ♪ ♪ The Big Bog Monster is coming after you ♪ ♪ His terrifying face will make you scream until you're blue ♪ ♪ His breath was awfully stinky, it could knock over a rhino ♪ ♪ His hair was full of maggots ♪ And his ears dripped something yellow ♪ ♪ I thought to myself, 'What could it be?' ♪ ♪ His eyes were red from what I could see ♪ ♪ His arms were thicker than a tree ♪ ♪ It scared the bananas out of me ♪ ♪ The Big Bog Monster is coming after you ♪ ♪ His terrifying face will make you scream until you're blue ♪ ♪ The Big Bog Monster is coming after you ♪ ♪ You'd better run for cover ♪ ♪ If he catches you, you're through ♪ ♪ The Big Bog Monster is coming after you ♪ Sharp teeth, beady eyes... ♪ The Big Bog Monster is coming after you ♪ DK is a scaredy cat! DK is a... It could have been the bog monster. No, it couldn't because there's nothing in this forest but you and me. DK, back to the cabin, pronto! But we haven't found the Well of Woe yet. There is no Well of Woe, you knucklehead. I made it up to teach you two goons a lesson! BOTH: A practical joke? You mean, the amulet isn't even evil? It's junk! Never mind that! Skurvy and his henchmen are on the island! You gotta hurry before... Oh, no! Cranky, what's wrong? The Crystal Coconut! Someone must be messing with it! It can only be... Skurvy!

Act 3

Hold it right there, soldiers! I demand you hand over that, um, that magical thing-a-ma-jiggy! Give it to him. It's worthless anyway. Okay, here you go. We're leaving now. We don't want to be eaten by the bog monster. Did you see that? I am a military genius! What do you say, Krusha? What's a bog monster? Oh, it's a big, ugly, hairy beast that eats anything in sight... Don't worry, I'm here! The Crystal Coconut is... Gone! FUNKY: Too late, hero dudes! The scum dudes with bad karma already took it! But if Skurvy has it, then he's probably on his ship getting ready to set sail! And if he's got the Crystal Coconut, then he's got... Cranky! We've got to bust a move, DK! Funky's plane! BOTH: Whoa! Wah! Aah! Copasetic, dude. What the... Where am I? Hey, what's all my stuff doing here? Kutlass, Green Kroc! Load the rest of the booty and prepare to set sail! Skurvy... he's got the Crystal Coconut! Donkey Kong better get here soon or I'm stuck with these goons. All right, you knuckle-dragging throwbacks, hand over the Coconut! FUNKY: Too late, villain dude number two. Pirate villain dude number one beat you to it. Of all the low-down, dirty, rotten, yellow-bellied, slime sucking tricks! That was my idea. [Sighing] This negative stuff is bumming me out big time. Well, I'll just steal it back. After all, there's nothing Skurvy has that I don't have. Except a hand cannon! Uh... Well, then, I'll need reinforcements, won't I? Oh, it's the bog monster! Oh, don't be silly. Any half-wit can tell the difference between a plane engine and a bog monster! Whereas that is clearly a bog monster! Get out of there this instant! We need to get the Crystal Coconut! I have something better, sir! I've retrieved the amulet! That piece of junk is as useless as you are! Oh no, sir. It's magical, mysterious. Only a complete moron would believe that! SKURVY: Button down the hatches, maties! K. ROOL: Who cares that the pirates have the coconut? After all, it's really this mysterious, magical amulet that's the real power source. More booty. If only I knew where to find it. I just hope they don't come to the Forbidden Forest to look for it! [Laughing] Thar's no smarter pirate than me. Get your furry butts back up there and follow Skurvy! He just left to meet K. Rool and he's got the Crystal Coconut! Where to, C-man? Uh, Cranky? To the Forbidden Forest... hurry! No can do. Oh, not again! What are you talking about? When DK was a kid, he thinks he saw a bog monster. I didn't think! I saw! There's no such thing as bog monsters! Oh, yeah? Tell that to the one I saw! That was me that day, you big goof! What? I told you to stay out of the Forbidden Forest, but you wouldn't listen. So, I had to find some way to make you stop! So, there is no bog monster? That's what I've been telling you all along! So, can we go now? We sure can, little buddy. There's nothing to be scared of now. Arr, okay, you lard bag land lover. Hand over the amulet! Oh, no! It's a nasty old pirate! Okay, you win! I be wanting all the booty! The Crystal Coconut, too. Give it over! I would, but your hands are full. Allow me to relieve you of the hand cannon. Oh, why, thank you, mate. All right, you uneducated piece of vermin... Arr! That be a nasty trick. Are you sure this is going to work? It fooled me, didn't it? Just wait for my cue, then do your stuff. So, you hand over the cannon and I give you the amulet? No, keep the cannon! I only want the Crystal Coconut! Who gets the amulet? Who cares, you imbecile! Run for your lives! It's the bog monster! BOTH: The bog monster! Run! Run for your lives! He'll get you! Who cares about the booty? Give me back me hand cannon! And then there was one. [Laughing] Run, run, run for your... Huh? Uh-oh. Nice try, Donkey Kong. But as you can see, the one with the most toys wins. And that's me! Not for long. Look at you standing there. So foolish, so helpless. So pathetic. You can't do anything because I hold the ultimate power source! Great job, little buddy. You sounded so convincing! What are you talking about? I was waiting for your cue. Aah! [Laughing] I knew he'd fall for it! Huh? Aah! The bog monster! Aah! Oh, no! Krusha, look! The bog monster! He ate King K. Rool! Everything 'cepting his head. You idiot! Get me out of here! Thanks to Diddy's bog monster impression, it's not likely we'll have to worry about seeing the pirates for a while. Bog monster? I'm glad I'm over that. Funky! He's still in the barrel! Funky, are you okay? Maxed and relaxed. All those negative vibes burned me out, so I decided to just chill and clock some Z's. Hey, little dude! You found my hood ornament! ALL: Hood ornament? I lost it on my last barrel run, but now I got it back! Ha ha! That's karma! What goes around, comes around. You got it, dudes! Later! (laughing) Don't ya get it? Now the joke's on us!