 "Okay, I'll do the article for you! ... Naw! ... Only kidding!"
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Act 1[]
Donkey Kong: I got a bad case of the uglies today, little buddy. Diddy: DK, you look swell to me, like a million bananas. Donkey Kong: I do? You don't think that maybe I could use a little trim? Sharpen up the image? Maybe a little off the back? Diddy Kong: Not unless you've got a weed whacker and a couple of hours. Donkey Kong: Ah, Diddy! I promised Candy we'd have a formal lunch. I can't show up looking like a big, hairy ape. Diddy Kong: But you are a big, hairy ape, DK, so don't worry about it. Just be yourself. Donkey Kong: You mean... Diddy and Donkey Kong: A big, hairy ape! [Laughing] Candy: Mmm... delectable. Donkey Kong: She's so fine. Like it? It's banana bourguignon. What? Donkey Kong: Banana bourguignon! What?! Donkey Kong: Banana... ooh, never mind.
There's room here if you like. Donkey Kong: I was saying, it's banana... [Helicopter whirring] Donkey Kong: Bluster, how'd he find us? Bluster Kong: Oh, Candy... I guess lunch is over. Bluster Kong: Well, well, isn't this special? A formal luncheon. Aren't you a little out of your league, Donkey Kong? Ignore him. What do you want, Bluster? Bluster Kong: I've been looking all over for you. I'm the boss and the boss says lunch is up. Back to work! Unless, you want to play hooky with me. Two tickets, The Banana Slammers, you and me, Candy. Forget it. Ugh, no thanks. I'm finishing my lunch with DK. Yes! Bluster Kong: What do you see in this big, hairy ape? Well, he's, uh... well... Bluster Kong: Yes? Well... he's... he's a big, hairy ape and you're not. Bluster Kong: Ouch.
Bluster Kong: "Cause he's a big, hairy ape and you're not." If that's what Candy wants, that's what she'll get. Bluster Kong: Candy won't be able to resist me now. I'm hip. I'm happening. I'm the guy of her dreams. Hey, Candy. What do you say? Huh? [Yelling] Bluster Kong: Yeah, baby. Take a good look. Bluster, what is that thing on your head? Bluster Kong: It's the banana flip. The Banana Slammers have them. All us hairy apes wear them. So, will you go out with me now? I wouldn't go out with you, even if that was your real hair. Look, Bluster, I go out with the future ruler of Kongo Bongo, Donkey Kong. [Sighing] Bluster Kong: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, big deal. What makes him so special? The Crystal Coconut. Bluster Kong: Here I go creeping ♪ Shh... don't make a sound ♪ ♪ Get the Crystal Coconut ♪ And Candy come around ♪ Donkey Kong ain't good enough ♪ ♪ Anyone can see ♪ That the only ape for her in Kongo Bongo is me ♪ ♪ Look at Cranky sleeping, hour after hour ♪ ♪ When I get the coconut, I get the power ♪ ♪ Everything I want and everything I need ♪ ♪ Is lying right in front of me ♪ ♪ To satisfy my greed [Snoring and banging] [Muttering] Shh... ♪ This is all too easy Feels like a dream Possessing all the power, will make Donkey Kong scream ♪ No! Yowza! Bad dream, bad dream! [Knocking] Cranky, wake up! BOTH: Cranky, wake up! This better be good. It's good, Cranky, really good. Well, it seems kind of dumb now.You see, I had a really, really bad dream. Someone stole the Crystal Coconut. Yeah, that's dumb all right, because the coconut is under my 24 hour surveillance, right... oh my... ALL: It's gone. Wow, cosmic. My dream was for real. It's that pond gack, King K. Rool and his lizards! Hmm... CRANKY: What is it? A little card. Someone must have dropped it. It's a clue. No, it's just a little card. Bluster Barrel Works; Bluster Kong, President. ALL: Bluster! That backstabbing baboon! He's too dense to know the danger he's put us all in. We've got to get the coconut back. Bluster Kong: Hey, Candy. From now on, I'm top banana, the future ruler of Kongo Bongo. Candy Kong: Mm-hmm, sure, Bluster. Bluster Kong: You don't believe me? Well, feast your eyes on this. Candy Kong: Nice fake. Bluster Kong: No! The coconut! Ooh! Diddy Kong: There it is! There it is, DK! I'll get it. Catch, DK. I got it, little buddy! Bluster Kong: That's mine! Donkey Kong: Candy, catch. Candy Kong: What?! Diddy Kong: It's in that barrel. Donkey Kong: Barrel 007. Bluster Kong: Oh no, not 007! That barrel's scheduled for transport. Donkey Kong: It's on the rocket! Diddy Kong: Stop! Wait! It's too late, DK! It's gonna blow! [Rocket firing] |
Act 2[]
Diddy Kong: Going, going, gone. Hey, DK. DK? Donkey Kong: [Groaning, Coughing] Don't worry about me, little buddy. I'm... [Coughing] Fine. Almost had it. Diddy Kong: (slams his hat down and stomps it) This is all Bluster's fault. That boneheaded baboon always messes things up and makes us look bad. Donkey Kong: Forget about him. We got to get the Crystal Coconut back. Diddy Kong: How it's gone? Bazoom! Donkey Kong: Cranky always says, 'what goes up'... Diddy and Donkey Kong: 'Has got to come down!' Klump: Beg your pardon, Your Majesty. Back already? Where is the coconut? Klump: Oh well, our troops haven't yet seized it, but, um... But what? I ordered you to get it, so get it. I need it! It is the perfect power source for my new invention. Klump: But, my spies tell me that the Crystal Coconut is missing. Missing? Are you sure? Klump: My spies are never wrong. It was last spotted at 0100 hours and launched into orbit by a rocket barrel. Destination and mission unknown. What are you waiting for? Find out where it's headed and get there first! The Crystal Coconut will power my new barrel satellite. Once in orbit, it will be the ultimate spying machine. So, move it! Klump: Well, aye-aye, sir. And don't blow it, Klump! So, what kind of a mission was the barrel going on? Bluster Kong: A secret one. Come on, Bluster, tell us. All of Kongo Bongo is in danger, because of you stealing the coconut. So, where is it? Why should I tell you? Because I'll pound you if you don't? Oh sure, I help make you guys look like heroes and I look like a jerk. Well, you already do. Break time. Forget it, DK. Let's just go find it ourselves. This is on your head, Bluster. Oh, don't be like that. Fine, fine. I'll give you a little hint. Try the beach. DK: Great, lots of help. The beach stretches for miles. Klump: Hip, hup, hip, hup, hip, hup, hip, hup. Kritters, halt. [Gasping] Klump! What do you want with me? Klump: The Crystal Coconut. I-I-I don't have it. I-I-I've never had it. Never even seen it. Klump: Fibber. It exited the factory in barrel 007, then launched into orbit by rocket barrel at 0100 hours. What was its trajectory plan? I'll never tell. Klump: Suit yourself. Kritters! [Chuckling nervously] Then again, I could have a little look at the dispatch log here. Hmm... now, what barrel was that? Klump: 007! Hand it over! Hmm... 'barrel 007, special delivery to Funky's Flights. Care of Funky Kong, The Beach.' All right, soldiers, prepare to hit the beach. Company, forward march. Hip, hup, hip, hup, hip, hup, hip, hup... We've combed the beach and no sign of barrel 007. What do we do now, DK? There's only one thing left to do, drop in on Funky. I'm hungry. Yo wobbo Banana, yo! Hey, dudes. 'Sup my friends? Hang on. I'm coming down. [Crashing] What you doing? Working on my new invention. Take a look. The Couch Potato Cruiser. Cool. Got any bananas? I'm starving. How can you think of bananas at a time like this, DK? We got problems, big, big problems, Funky. Sorry, bro. My banana barrel got delivered today, but the barrel was bare. Bummer. Hold on a second. Your barrel? Did you barrel have a number? No, man. Just two Os and a seven. 007? Where is it? I wasn't going to get ripped off, so I hauled it back. Oh no! Bluster's got it again. No, dude. Bluster doesn't have it. What? You said you... I was flying along, everything was copasetic and I thought I'd try a little barrel roll and out rolled the barrel. BOTH: It fell out?! Chill out. I know exactly where. It was over the White Mountains. Oh no! The White Mountains? That's where Eddie the Mean Old Yeti lives. Kick back, dudes. DK AND Diddy Kong: Whoa! Whoa! Diddy Kong: Phew... DK: Ooh, great. Smooth, Funky. Very smooth. FUNKY: Yeah. Radical ride, huh? [Laughing] Oh, that's right, you bumbling baboons. Lead me straight to the coconut. Then, this hairy ape is going to save the day. Okay, this is the place. The barrel's over there somewhere. Wait here, while we look for it. No can do. I've got to go and get my banana supply. What was that? Yipes. Eddie, the mean, old yeti! I forgot about him. Listen! There, what's that? It's coming from that cave up there. Eddie: Heavy stick, good grip. For Eddie, too small. Hey, friend. You found our barrel, Mr... uh, Mr... Eddie: Eddie! Eddie, as in the Mean Old Yeti? Oh... [Chuckling nervously] Uh, Mr. Meany... I mean, Eddie, sir Yeti, that's our barrel. We'll just take it and be on our way. Okay? Eddie: No! Eddie get bonked on head by raining barrel. It mine. You can keep the barrel. We just need what's inside. Eddie: It mine, all mine! So, that's Eddie the Yeti? Uh-huh and he's got the coconut. Over there! Hey, Eddie! Come back! [Thumping] ♪ Say, Eddie, how about a deal? ♪ ♪ Five for the barrel ♪ It's a bargain ♪ ♪ It's a steal ♪ ♪ Steal? ♪ No, but here's the catch ♪ ♪ Give us the barrel and we'll give you a match ♪ [Scratching] ♪ Matches give you fire and fire gives you light ♪ ♪ Will the barrel keep you warm on a cold winter's night? ♪ ♪ Light? ♪ Right ♪ There's more you can do ♪ ♪ Like cook banana burgers on the barbecue ♪ ♪ Barbecue? ♪ And firecrackers too ♪ Can a barrel light the sky like fireworks do? ♪ ♪ So have we got a deal? ♪ Have we got a deal, Eddie? ♪ Eddie, have we got a deal? ♪ So, have we got a deal? ♪ Have we got a deal, Eddie? ♪ Eddie, have we got a deal? ♪ How do I get this thing to light? ♪ ♪ Got move it, got to shake it, got to scratch it just right ♪ Eddie: Ooh, toasty buns. [Chuckling] Warm, bright, light. Eddie say thank you. No problem. [Chuckling] Now, how about giving us the barrel, huh? Eddie: Catch! Ooh! Hey, Eddie, why do they call you the Mean Old Yeti? Eddie: I don't know. Yow! That's why he's called the Mean Old Yeti. We're home free, little buddy! Almost! The coconut! Bluster Kong: Don't worry, chumps. The coconut's safe with me. [Chuckling] |
Act 3[]
| "Okay, I'll do the article for you! ... Naw! ... Only kidding!"
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Bluster Kong: Hello down there. Diddy Kong: Bluster? Get us out of here, would you? Bluster Kong: I don't think so. I'm going to take the coconut back. I'll be the hero and I'm going to have lunch with the gorilla of my dreams, Candy. Klump: Halt! Hand over the coconut. Bluster Kong: Never. Klump: Kritters, ready, aim... Bluster Kong: All right, take it. Klump: Good. I won't have to say 'fire.' (sees the Kritters firing their weapons) What the... stop, you moronic, robotic lizards! Stop! Stop? Did he say 'stop?' I thought he said 'fire.' Klump: When I said 'fire,' I didn't mean fire. (the Kritters continue to fire) Oh, I give up. What's the use? Soon, King K. Rool will have his Barrel Supersonic Satellite and I'll be nothing but a rest home reptile. What's going on up there? I don't know, but there's Kritters and Klaptraps. That means King K. Rool's not far behind. Klaptrap: You know what I hate about hair? Klaptrap 2: You eat a head full and half an hour later, you're hungry again. Bluster Kong: My banana flip! The barrel! The barrel? Eddie: More barrel rain down on Eddie! Diddy Kong: Eddie, the barrel's crucial to the future of all of Kongo Bongo. How can you take it? Eddie: Me Eddie the Mean Old Yeti! This Eddie the Yeti guy's getting on my nerves. Klump: Oh, dear. What do I do now? I promised His Majesty I'd bring back the coconut. My career's almost over as it is. I know, I'll blame it on the Kritters. (to the Kritters) How could you simple-minded salamanders desert me in my finest hour? (Kritters muttered) Oh, stop your whining. You're going to take the heat and that's that. Forward march. Gripe, two, three, four. Sulk, two, three, four. Mope, two, three, four. Gripe, two, three, four. DK: Which way do we go? Diddy Kong: You go this way and I'll go that way. (hears panting) What's that? (looks at something coming out) It's coming from over there. DK: It's Eddie! EDDIE: Run, train! Train? Eddie: [yelling] I'm Eddie the... They're coming back with the coconut. There they go! Well, Klump, my Supersonic Satellite is done. All it's missing is the power source. Where is the coconut? Klump: Well, uh, sir, Your High and Mightiness what I'm trying to say is that the troops deserted me and left me in a precarious situation in the jaws of the enemy, the legendary Eddie the Mean Old Yeti, and eh! KRITTERS: We got it! We got it! Klump: Oh, dear. This is going to look really, really bad on my resume. BOTH: Hip, hup, hip, hup, what you got? The coconut. Klump, what's this? Klump: Well, as I was explaining, the Crystal Coconut is inside the barrel. At last, the power source, the moment I've been waiting for. Attach the barrel. This satellite will, from this day forth, serve as my eyes. Those eyes will be cast on all of Kongo Bongo and I will reign supreme! KRITTERS: Hurray! Oh, no! Oops! We're in K. Rool's factory. Now, everyone to the desert. [Giggling] I'm going to launch the satellite. What do we do now? If K. Rool launches the coconut into orbit, it's the end of us. No more bananas, no more bananas and no more bananas. Bananas, no more? Here we go. This is my finest hour. One minute to lift off! Clear the area! Diddy Kong: Stop the countdown! What are those knuckle dragging, numbskulls doing here? Let the countdown continue and someone get those hairy apes. I'll get the coconut. You take on the critters. All right, little buddy. Banana slamma! The Crystal Coconut! I got it, DK! Let's split. They're making off with the coconut! Who cares? Let them go. Crystal Coconut or not, my satellite is going up. Look at the counter. Yipes. I had a backup power source. I knew I couldn't count on you. Liftoff. What? My satellite! What happened? It's a very pretty effect. I guess you'll be needing my services after all. Sabotage. It was sabotaged! You... [Yelling] Loathsome, double-crossing, snivelling salamander! You slimy... Well, that's a relief. Back where it belongs. You know, Cranky, maybe you'd better find a safer place for the coconut. Nah! As long as I carry a big stick, no one will mess with me. Unless it's someone with an even bigger stick. EDDIE: Me Eddie!
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