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        Cranky Complaining "They can't keep this level of content up for much longer!"
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[theme song plays]

Act 1

At Cranky's Cabin. Cranky is chanting on a piano.

Cranky: ♪Some people call be negative, they don't find my fime. They all try to cheer me up, but I'm repeated down. (chuckles) I know what you're thinking, he's a genius cause I am, 'cause I'm Cranky. I got my finger on the key, yeah I'm Cranky, the oldest wisest ape you'll ever be!♪ (to the audience) For example, you've come to see the most highest possession on the entire island, who do you come to see, me? Well now that we put that straight, give your eyeballs a swing over there (points to a chamber containing something important) it's a magical, it's mysterious, (taps his stick on the ground to open the case) it's the ape of a half wonder of the world the Crystal Coconut!

The case opens, revealing the Crystal Coconut.

Cranky: This is no ordinary crystal, it's a fortune teller, a teleporter a power supplier and a wish-fulfiller, in other words whoever's got the Coconut rules! Step right up and take a closer look, the Crystal will explain it all.

The Crystal Coconut is showing Donkey Kong.

Cranky: That's Donkey Kong, the strongest, rommiest, hippest ape in all of Kongo Bongo, power protector and future king! Got a lot of muscle mass, but... not so much brain. But he is the bongo biggie, the top banana that can keep the crystal coconut safe and sound, and health of the wrong claws, whose claws? A slimy scaly found breath lizard, King K. Rool.

King K. Rool is showing in the Crystal Coconut

Cranky: Professional bad guy that big daddy of evil.

King K. Rool: (in Crystal Coconut) Hip-hop, hip-hop...

Cranky: K. Rool, he's here!

Suddenly, King K. Rool and his Kritters are outside his cabin, to prepare for their attack

King K. Rool: Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, quadro-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, watcha got? Hip-hop, hip-hop

Kritters: (in unison) Got a lot

King K. Rool: Kritters, halt! General Klump, I order you to seize the coconut!

Klump: Kritters, Klaptrap weapons at the ready

The Kritter's charge up their guns with little blue lizards called "Klaptraps" inside

Klaptrap #1: Oh, wow, now I'm target

Klaptrap #2: How can we miss?

Klump is in the direction of their fire

Klump: Not Me, You idiots! at Cranky's Cabin! (gets out of the direction of the shot)

The Kritters fire the Klaptraps to bite apart Cranky's Cabin

Cranky: Hey, you mutant nutes! You overgrown spineless salamanders! Get away from there! (yelling) Donkey Kong, where are you!


At Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong's Treehouse

Donkey Kong: Hmm, why do I always have to start the day with a tough decision?

Knock on DK's Treehouse

Diddy: Hey Donkey Kong, it's me, Diddy, down here

Donkey Kong: Hey Diddy, come on up little buddy

Diddy: What in this thing? I don't know DK, I'm a little nervous, my knees are starting to chatter here after what happened last time

Donkey Kong: It's cool, it's been fixed, hop in and I'll buzz you up!

Diddy: (enters the barrel elevator) Okay, if you say so DK, but go easy, 'cause sometimes DK, you -you-you, no offense here but you get a little out of control

Donkey Kong: (pushes the button to lift the barrel elevator)

Donkey Kong goes a bit haywire and the Barrel elevator ends up crashing

Donkey Kong: Diddy? Little buddy?

Diddy: (weakly) Yeah, down here

Cranky Kong: (screaming for help; offscreen) DONKEY KONG, HELP!

Donkey Kong: We've gotta bust a move Diddy, Cranky needs our help, you coming or what?

Diddy: (moves under metal remnant of the barrel elevator) Right behind you DK

[screen fade]

Act 2

Diddy and Donkey Kong are swinging on the vines to get to Cranky

Cranky: (screaming for help; offscreen) DONKEY KONG!

Donkey Kong: Hang on Cranky, we're coming


The screen switches to Klump and his Kritters, attempting to launch an attack

Klump: Follow me - (him and the Kritters walk in unison) Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop

Our two monkey heroes are joining in the scene from the sky

Donkey Kong: Banana slamma!

Diddy: Whack 'em, mash 'em, crush 'em to smithereens!

Klump: No mercy! This is my finest hour

Donkey Kong jumps on the Trigger Barrels, to make the planks knock them into the sky

Klump: (gets knocked off and screams)

Then the Kritters start getting knocked off

Diddy: (jumps on Trigger Barrel) FOOT BANANA SLAMMA!

Then more start getting knocked off. In the second knock-off, where the plank lifts up for them to fall out on, several Kritters are about to fall into the trap

Kritter #1: Hip-hop, hip-hop (falls down)

Kritter #2: Hip, double hip (falls down)

Then they all fall down. The Kritters are all flying around, defeated

King K. Rool: Mummy?

Diddy: Hey, K. Rool, what's up

King K. Rool: (laughs) Donkey Kong, umm... it was a good match, you won and I lost, good sportsmanship and all that - I'm just an underprivileged reptile, explain to my genes, we're uhh... (falls down) AAAH!

Diddy: (laughs) You did it, DK, you saved the coconut. (laughs)

Cranky: Do you think you two apes can break up your party long enough to fix up my roof, preferably before K. Rool comes back, because you can bet he will

In K. Rool's lair

King K. Rool: I need that blasted coconut! - Without it, I'm nothing but a lonely lizard, a prehistoric throwback - (to Klump) I'm ordering you to bring it, exterminate, ANNIHILATE that simple-minded ape!

Klump: But he eleminated, annhiliated your entire army, he's invincible!

The elevated floor take them up to K. Rool's lab

King K. Rool: It's the bananas that make him invincible, but what if...

Klump: Yes?

King K. Rool: ...what if we cast a spell, a curse

Klump: A curse?

K. Rool presses a button that makes a ceiling-bookcase pop up and drop one book to K. Rool

King K. Rool: Yeah, a curse, it is... (reading book) "Curse your way to the top, success through vudu, tired of looking like a goof, sick of those pesky hunts showing you up time and time again? Try this fool-proof curse" Yeeees. "While cutting the obnoxious lunk's hair, chant: snip snip, power slip, you're a wimp and that's it! You'll be left as weak as a baby and..." (laughs) Listen to this, "his strength will not return unless his hair grows back" That's it! Cut Donkey Kong's hair, and before it grows back, I'll have the coconut!

Klump: But... who'll... cut his hair?

King K. Rool: It's so obvious, the only person he'll let get close enough to him. You wouldn't know a good plan if it hit you in the head!

Klump: Would to, if it hit me in the head (has something thrown at his head by K. Rool)

At Donkey Kong's Treehouse

Diddy: Looking fine DK, what's up?

Donkey Kong: I got to look good

Diddy: You do?

Donkey Kong: But I gotta look especially smooth, I'm dropping in on Candy's birhtday

Diddy: Candy, Candy, Candy. She's just a girl, DK, you can't have fun with a girl like we do

Donkey Kong: (looking at picture of Candy) She's the gorilla of my dreams - If only I could get her away from...


Scene change to Bluster Kong's factory: Bluster Barrelworks

Cranky: (sitting on a rail on the ceiling that is allowing pieces of wood to exit) ...Bluster Barrelworks- (falls in) Aah! (to the audience) It's right here in this very place that they build the barrels

Cranky falls in and gets inserted into a barrel himself

Cranky: Unfortunately, the place is run by that unwardly, mobile jerk, Bluster. When it comes to Candy, Bluster is Donkey Kong's biggest competition

Candy is seen pressing buttons that sort out the Barrels

Cranky: She's got a soft spot for DK, but then, Bluster's got the goodie and Sunday, the Bluster Barrelworks-

Bluster (offscreen; calling her name to get her attention) Candy!

Cranky: (hides in Barrel) Uh-oh, here comes the boss

Bluster: Hey Candy, surprise! (holding a cake for Candy)

Candy: A birthday cake, how original Bluster

Bluster: Yes, I am a thoughtful son of a gun. Happy birthday, banana cream, your favourite

Candy: (sighs) Rejected, watching my figure

Bluster: Don't bother, I'm watching it for ya

Candy: I don't think so 9presses the button that makes the cake roll on the rail which is heading in the direction of a metal grinder

Bluster: The machine, no! (presses the button that halts the rail) That was close. So, we gonna go back to my place on the Coco Banana or what?

Candy: I made plans

Bluster: (referring to Donkey Kong, who is on the functioning rail) With him?

Candy: Hi Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong is holding flower-resembling bananas for Candy

Donkey Kong: Happy birthday, Candy!

Bluster: You can't be serious, I try to do nice things, but no...

Donkey Kong: I brought you these- (cake squelch) Oh, I was gonna get you a cake, but I see you've already got one

The cake appears to be on Candy's face

Candy: (muffled voice) Donkey Kong! Every single time you show up, things just fall apart! Both of you are just a couple of pains in the butt! (presses button that makes the ceiling barrel-whacking hammer hit DK)

Donkey Kong: Yikes! Ouch!

Candy: You're out of here!

Donkey Kong: I guess this means our dates are off, huh?


Back at King K. Rool's lair

King K. Rool: General Klump, how's the plan coming along, is it done yet?

The Kritters are working on something

Klump: This is our finest hour

The Kritters seem to have made a robotic replica of Candy, which is not turned on yet, with the body and the head fragmented

King K. Rool: Oh my, despite the head not being attached, she does look real. Hello, I'm King K. Rool, what's your name?

Candy Clone: (wakes up) - My name is Candy, happy to meet you

King K. Rool: She's perfect, put her head back on

Klump: You heard him troops, attach head! Operation attach head completed, sir

The Kritters did as asked and her head and body is one

Candy Clone: ♪I'm Candy Kong's look alike we're one of the same - I know what you're thinking, but honey, I'm the ordinary date - it should go this week, just Candy cake - my charm and good looks dry all the apes insaaaaane! - Every monkey's dream, for your evil scheme, it's so cool to work with King K. Rool!♪

King K. Rool: Oh, he lives, she could fool any idiot!

Klump: Fool me?

King K. Rool: Now, slip clip, power slip, your a wimp and that's it, the curse on Donkey Kong should cut his hair, which should rub him out of the picture (laughs evilly)

[screen fade]

Act 3

        Cranky Complaining "They can't keep this level of content up for much longer!"
This article or section is a stub. You can help Donkey Kong Wiki by expanding it.

At Donkey Kong's Treehouse

Donkey Kong: I blew it. She's never gonna talk to me again

Diddy: Ah, don't sweat it, you blown it a thousand times, a billion times, a million kajillion times

Donkey Kong: Thanks

Candy Clone: (offscreen; rings the treehouse bell) Oh yoo-hoo, Donkey Kong!

Donkey Kong: (excited; walks up to open treehouse view) Candy! H-hey, banana-yamma, (hits Diddy's rope tire out of excitement) she's here!

Diddy: (screaming)

Donkey Kong: Yamma-bananas KAPOW!

Candy Clone: (offscreen) You askin' me in or what?

Donkey Kong: Oop, I forgot you were here (hit's the entrance button for the Candy Clone to enter through the elevated barrel)

Candy Clone: (dizzy) You don't know your own strength Donkey Kong, we'll have to fix that. Snip clip, power slip, you're a wimp and that's it!

Donkey Kong: What?

Candy Clone: Snip, snip, gonna clip, make you my sweet and sexy chimp!

Donkey Kong: Woo-ooh-hohoho!

Candy Clone: Come here you hunk of love!

Donkey Kong: (bends his head) Okay then, chop chop!

The Candy Clone cuts DK's hair

Diddy: Sheesh, what a goon! I can't watch this (covers his eyes)

Candy Clone: Hmm, all done, that wasn't so bad, was it? Do you like it?

Donkey Kong: Smooth, too smooth

Diddy: Oh no, big alert!

Donkey Kong: I just don't feel like myself

Candy Clone: Trust me, you'll get used to it, well, I'm out of here

Donkey Kong: I'll get the elevator for you

Candy Clone: Sure you will

Donkey Kong: (punches the elevator buttons, but it doesn't work due to Donkey Kong's loss of strength, with him unaware of the curse) - Huh?

Diddy: Double huh

DK continously pushing the elevator buttons

Candy: Let me try, Donkey Kong (pushes the elevator button) Nothing to it, (going down the elevated barrel) you better take it easy, DK

Donkey Kong: She's right, I'm pooped!

Diddy: But DK, how can that be? What happened? You're the strongest ape in all of Kongo Bongo

Donkey Kong: Beats me, but I'm beat!


Scene change outside Cranky's Cabin

King K. Rool: Company, HALT! Cranky, oh Cranky! Come and meet and greet the new ruler of Kongo Bongo!

Cranky: (opens door) Don't you ever give up?

King K. Rool: Never give up when victory's at hand. Krusha!

A big, muscular blue Kremling called Krusha enters the scene

Krusha: Your majesty called

King K. Rool: Go on, boy, fetch the coconut!

Cranky: Your big goof is no match for mine. (yelling for help) DONKEY KONG, HELP!


Scene switches to Donkey Kong and Diddy swinging ropes to Cranky's Cabin

Cranky: (offscreen) DONKEY KONG, WHERE ARE YOU!

Donkey Kong: [enter] Banana slamma! In your tracks, Krusha, this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you

Cranky: Just label him, will ya!

Donkey Kong: I'm gonna give you one last chance, step back, make a run for it. Okay, okay, here it comes! (starts hitting Krusha, with his strength ineffective against Krusha due to his strength loss)

Krusha: Oh, you're tickling me

Donkey Kong: Here it comes... that was a warm-up. I'm gonna give it to you right now... (out of stamina) okay

Krusha: (punches DK into Cranky's Cabin)

Donkey Kong is knocked into the Crystal Coconut's case, making the case open, buying Krusha and K. Rool some time to enter the cabin and snatch the Coconut

Cranky: Get up, Donkey Kong, get up Donkey Kong, get up!

King K. Rool: You can't stop me now, Cranky. I win, you lose!

Cranky: (enters his cabin; offscreen) Stop right there, I'm warning you!

King K. Rool (exits the cabin with the Crystal Coconut with Krusha; departing to the lair)

Cranky: You scum-sucking rancid reptiles! This is bad, really really bad, what happened?

Donkey Kong: Every since Candy cut my hair, and told me she wanted to make me her little love slave...

Cranky: Your hair?

Donkey Kong: Yeah, don't laugh, she gave me the once-over makeover

Cranky: Do I look like I'm laughing? You're under her curse!

Diddy: Hey, someone's coming!

Funky's Plane is heading towards the cabin

Diddy: It's Funky Kong, he's coming in for a landing!

Cranky: He's gonna land on us!

Diddy: To your left!

Funky safely lands next to Cranky's Cabin

Diddy: Sheesh, that was mere depth!

Funky: Yeah, dudes, it's chaos all over the island! K. Rool's got the coconut?

Diddy: It's true. We're all doomed!

Donkey Kong: Everyone knows already? Sheesh!

Funky: Hop in and I'll cruise you to the mellow yellow plantation!

Donkey Kong: Gah! Bananas! They always do the trick!

Cranky: Don't count on it

Donkey Kong and Diddy hop onto Funky's Plane

Funky: Hang tight, take-offs are a little rocky!

Diddy Umm, how rocky?

Funky: Nothing I can't handle

Diddy: Umm, maybe, maybe I should stay behind. I insist this warning

Funky: Too late!

The plane goes for a rough falling, briefly, then it flies into action!


In Cranky's Cabin

Cranky: Bananas, fat chance, and now for my voodoo undo!

A potion table drops out from the ceiling


Meanwhile, Funky is flying his plane to a banana jungle

Funky: Banana for the ramp of the load!

Donkey Kong: I hope this does the trick!

Diddy: I hope we land!

Funky: Feast your eyes on those gazillions of mellow yellows!

Diddy: What a gorgeous sight! Problem solved! All you gotta do now is chow!


A few minutes later, Donkey Kong has gobbled up every banana

Diddy: I don't believe it, he's eaten every single banana! (chuckling)

Funky: And he's still a wimp!


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