 "I wouldn't be seen dead in an article like this one!"
|
[theme song plays]
Act 1
At Cranky's Cabin. Cranky is chanting on a piano. Cranky: ♪Some people call me negative, they don't like my frown. They all try to cheer me up, but I'm down with being down. (chuckles) I know what you're thinking. He's a genius cause I am, 'cause I'm Cranky. I got my finger on the feet, yeah I'm Cranky, the oldest wisest ape you'll ever meet!♪ (to the audience) For example, you've come to see the most prized possession on the entire island. Who do you come to see? Me! Well now that we got that straight, give your eyeballs a swing over there (points to a chamber containing something important) it's a magical, it's mysterious, (taps his stick on the ground to open the case) it's the ape of a half wonder of the world the Crystal Coconut! The case opens, revealing the Crystal Coconut. Cranky: This is no ordinary crystal, it's a fortune teller, a teleporter, a power supplier and a wish-fulfiller, in other words; whoever's got the Coconut rules! Step right up and take a closer look, the Crystal will explain it all. The Crystal Coconut is showing Donkey Kong. Cranky: That's Donkey Kong, the strongest, browniest, hippest ape in all of Kongo Bongo, Our protector and future king! Got a lot of muscle mass, but... not so much brain mass. But he is the bongo biggie, the top banana that can keep the crystal coconut safe and sound, and health of the wrong claws. Who's claws? That slimy scaly foul breath lizard, King K. Rool. King K. Rool is showing in the Crystal Coconut Cranky: Professional bad guy. The big daddy of evil. King K. Rool: (in Crystal Coconut) Hip-hop, hip-hop... Cranky: K. Rool, he's here! Suddenly, King K. Rool and his Kritters are outside his cabin, to prepare for their attack. King K. Rool: Hip-hop, hip-hop, watcha got? Kritters: "(in unison) A big fat gun! King K. Rool: Hip-hop, Hip-hop, watcha got? Hip-hop, hip-hop Kritters: (in unison) Got a lot King K. Rool: Kritters, halt! General Klump, I order you to seize the coconut! Klump: Kritters, the Klaptrap weapons at the ready The Kritter's charge up their guns with little blue lizards called "Klaptraps" inside. Klaptrap #1: Oh, wow! Nice fat target! Klaptrap #2: How can we miss? Klump is in the direction of their fire. Klump: Not Me, You idiots! at Cranky's Cabin! (gets out of the direction of the shot) The Kritters fire the Klaptraps to bite apart Cranky's Cabin Cranky: Hey, you mutant newts! You overgrown spineless salamanders! Get away from there! (yelling) Donkey Kong, where are you! At Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong's Treehouse Donkey Kong: Hmm, why do I always have to start the day with a tough decision? Knock on DK's Treehouse. Diddy: Hey DK, it's me, Diddy! Yeah yeah yeah! Down here! Donkey Kong: Hey Diddy, come on up little buddy! Diddy: What? In this thing? I don't know, DK, I'm a little nervous, my knees are starting to chatter here after what happened last time Donkey Kong: It's cool. That's been fixed. Hop in and I'll buzz you up! Diddy: (enters the barrel elevator) Okay, if you say so DK, Okay, but go easy, 'cause sometimes DK, you -you-you, no offense here but you get a little out of control Donkey Kong: (pushes the button to lift the barrel elevator) Donkey Kong goes a bit haywire and the Barrel elevator ends up crashing. Donkey Kong: Diddy? Little buddy? Diddy: (weakly) Yeah, down here Cranky Kong: (screaming for help; offscreen) DONKEY KONG!! HELP!! Donkey Kong: We've gotta bust a move, Diddy. Cranky needs our help. Ya coming or what? Diddy: (moves under metal remnant of the barrel elevator) Right behind you, DK [screen fade] |
Act 2
Diddy and Donkey Kong are swinging on the vines to get to Cranky Cranky: (screaming for help; offscreen) DONKEY KONG! Donkey Kong: Hang on Cranky, we're coming The screen switches to Klump and his Kritters, attempting to launch an attack. Klump: Follow me - (him and the Kritters walk in unison) Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop Our two monkey heroes are joining in the scene from the sky Donkey Kong: Banana slamma! Diddy: Whack 'em, mash 'em, crush 'em to smithereens! Klump: No mercy! This is my finest hour Donkey Kong jumps on the Trigger Barrels, to make the planks knock them into the sky Klump: (gets knocked off and screams) Then the Kritters start getting knocked off. Diddy: (jumps on Trigger Barrel) FOOT BANANA SLAMMA! Then more start getting knocked off. In the second knock-off, where the plank lifts up for them to fall out on, several Kritters are about to fall into the trap Kritter #1: Hip-hop, hip-hop (falls down) Kritter #2: Hip, double hip (falls down) Then they all fall down. The Kritters are all flying around, defeated. King K. Rool: Mummy? Diddy: Hey, K. Rool, what's up King K. Rool: (laughs) Donkey Kong, umm... it was a good match, you won and I lost, good sportsmanship and all that - I'm just an underprivileged reptile, explain to my genes, we're uhh... (falls down) AAAH! Diddy: (laughs) You did it, DK, you saved the coconut. (laughs) Cranky: Do you think you two apes can break up your party long enough to fix up my roof, preferably before K. Rool comes back, because you can bet he will In K. Rool's lair King K. Rool: I need that blasted coconut! - Without it, I'm nothing but a lonely lizard, a prehistoric throwback - (to Klump) I'm ordering you to bring it, exterminate, ANNIHILATE that simple-minded ape! Klump: But he eleminated, annhiliated your entire army, he's invincible! The elevated floor take them up to K. Rool's lab. King K. Rool: It's the bananas that make him invincible, but what if... Klump: Yes? King K. Rool: ...what if we cast a spell, a curse. Klump: A curse? K. Rool presses a button that makes a ceiling-bookcase pop up and drop one book to K. Rool King K. Rool: Yeah, a curse, it is... (reading book) "Curse your way to the top, success through vudu, tired of looking like a goof, sick of those pesky hunts showing you up time and time again? Try this fool-proof curse" Yeeees. "While cutting the obnoxious lunk's hair, chant: snip snip, power slip, you're a wimp and that's it! You'll be left as weak as a baby and..." (laughs) Listen to this, "his strength will not return unless his hair grows back" That's it! Cut Donkey Kong's hair, and before it grows back, I'll have the coconut! Klump: But... who'll... cut his hair? King K. Rool: It's so obvious, the only person he'll let get close enough to him. You wouldn't know a good plan if it hit you in the head! Klump: Would to, if it hit me in the head (has something thrown at his head by K. Rool) At Donkey Kong's Treehouse. Diddy: Looking fine DK, what's up? Donkey Kong: I got to look good Diddy: You do? Donkey Kong: But I gotta look especially smooth, I'm dropping in on Candy's birhtday Diddy: Candy, Candy, Candy. She's just a girl, DK, you can't have fun with a girl like we do Donkey Kong: (looking at picture of Candy) She's the gorilla of my dreams - If only I could get her away from... Scene change to Bluster Kong's factory: Bluster Barrelworks Cranky: (sitting on a rail on the ceiling that is allowing pieces of wood to exit) ...Bluster Barrelworks- (falls in) Aah! (to the audience) It's right here in this very place that they build the barrels Cranky falls in and gets inserted into a barrel himself. Cranky: Unfortunately, the place is run by that unwardly, mobile jerk, Bluster. When it comes to Candy, Bluster is Donkey Kong's biggest competition Candy is seen pressing buttons that sort out the Barrels Cranky: She's got a soft spot for DK, but then, Bluster's got the goodie and Sunday, the Bluster Barrelworks- Bluster (offscreen; calling her name to get her attention) Candy! Cranky: (hides in Barrel) Uh-oh, here comes the boss Bluster: Hey Candy, surprise! (holding a cake for Candy) Candy: A birthday cake, how original Bluster Bluster: Yes, I am a thoughtful son of a gun. Happy birthday, banana cream, your favourite Candy: (sighs) Rejected, watching my figure Bluster: Don't bother, I'm watching it for ya Candy: I don't think so (presses the button that makes the cake roll on the rail which is heading in the direction of a metal grinder) Bluster: The machine, no! (presses the button that halts the rail) That was close. So, we gonna go back to my place on the Coco Banana or what? Candy: I made plans Bluster: (referring to Donkey Kong, who is on the functioning rail) With him? Candy: Hi Donkey Kong Donkey Kong is holding flower-resembling bananas for Candy Donkey Kong: Happy birthday, Candy! Bluster: You can't be serious, I try to do nice things, but no... Donkey Kong: I brought you these- (cake squelch) Oh, I was gonna get you a cake, but I see you've already got one The cake appears to be on Candy's face. Candy: (muffled voice) Donkey Kong! Every single time you show up, things just fall apart! Both of you are just a couple of pains in the butt! (presses button that makes the ceiling barrel-whacking hammer hit DK) Donkey Kong: Yikes! Ouch! Candy: You're out of here! Donkey Kong: I guess this means our dates are off, huh? Back at King K. Rool's lair King K. Rool: General Klump, how's the plan coming along, is it done yet? The Kritters are working on something. Klump: This is our finest hour The Kritters seem to have made a robotic replica of Candy, which is not turned on yet, with the body and the head fragmented. King K. Rool: Oh my, despite the head not being attached, she does look real. Hello, I'm King K. Rool, what's your name? Candy Clone: (wakes up) - My name is Candy, happy to meet you King K. Rool: She's perfect, put her head back on Klump: You heard him troops, attach head! Operation attach head completed, sir The Kritters did as asked and her head and body is one. Candy Clone: ♪I'm Candy Kong's look alike we're one of the same - I know what you're thinking, but honey, I'm the ordinary date - it should go this week, just Candy cake - my charm and good looks dry all the apes insaaaaane! - Every monkey's dream, for your evil scheme, it's so cool to work with King K. Rool!♪ King K. Rool: Oh, he lives, she could fool any idiot! Klump: Fool me? King K. Rool: Now, slip clip, power slip, your a wimp and that's it, the curse on Donkey Kong should cut his hair, which should rub him out of the picture (laughs evilly) [screen fade] |
Act 3
| "I wouldn't be seen dead in an article like this one!"
|
At Donkey Kong's Treehouse. Donkey Kong: I blew it. She's never gonna talk to me again Diddy: Ah, don't sweat it, you blown it a thousand times, a billion times, a million kajillion times Donkey Kong: Thanks Candy Clone: (offscreen; rings the treehouse bell) Oh yoo-hoo, Donkey Kong! Donkey Kong: (excited; walks up to open treehouse view) Candy! H-hey, banana-yamma, (hits Diddy's rope tire out of excitement) she's here! Diddy: (screaming) Donkey Kong: Yamma-bananas KAPOW! Candy Clone: (offscreen) You askin' me in or what? Donkey Kong: Oop, I forgot you were here. hit's the entrance button for the Candy Clone to enter through the elevated barrel) Candy Clone: (dizzy) You don't know your own strength Donkey Kong, we'll have to fix that. Snip clip, power slip, you're a wimp and that's it! Donkey Kong: What? Candy Clone: Snip, snip, gonna clip, make you my sweet and sexy chimp! Donkey Kong: Woo-ooh-hohoho! Candy Clone: Come here you hunk of love! Donkey Kong: (bends his head) Okay then, chop chop! The Candy Clone cuts DK's hair Diddy: Sheesh, what a goon! I can't watch this (covers his eyes) Candy Clone: Hmm, all done, that wasn't so bad, was it? Do you like it? Donkey Kong: Smooth, too smooth. Diddy: Oh no, big alert! Donkey Kong: I just don't feel like myself. Candy Clone: Trust me, you'll get used to it, well, I'm out of here. Donkey Kong: I'll get the elevator for you. Candy Clone: Sure you will. Donkey Kong punches the elevator buttons, but it doesn't work due to Donkey Kong's loss of strength, with him unaware of the curse. Donkey Kong: Huh? Diddy: Double huh. DK continously pushing the elevator buttons. Candy: Let me try, Donkey Kong (pushes the elevator button) Nothing to it, (going down the elevated barrel) you better take it easy, DK Donkey Kong: She's right, I'm pooped! Diddy: But DK, how can that be? What happened? You're the strongest ape in all of Kongo Bongo. Donkey Kong: Beats me, but I'm beat! Scene change outside Cranky's Cabin King K. Rool: Company, HALT! Cranky, oh Cranky! Come and meet and greet the new ruler of Kongo Bongo! Cranky: (opens door) Don't you ever give up? King K. Rool: Never give up when victory's at hand. Krusha! A big, muscular blue Kremling called Krusha enters the scene. Krusha: Your majesty called. King K. Rool: Go on, boy, fetch the coconut! Cranky: Your big goof is no match for mine. (yelling for help) DONKEY KONG, HELP! Scene switches to Donkey Kong and Diddy swinging ropes to Cranky's Cabin Cranky: (offscreen) DONKEY KONG, WHERE ARE YOU! Donkey Kong: [enter] Banana slamma! In your tracks, Krusha, this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you Cranky: Just label him, will ya! Donkey Kong: I'm gonna give you one last chance, step back, make a run for it. Okay, okay, here it comes! Starts hitting Krusha, with his strength ineffective against Krusha due to his strength loss. Krusha: Oh, you're tickling me. Donkey Kong: Here it comes... that was a warm-up. I'm gonna give it to you right now... (out of stamina) okay. Krusha: (punches DK into Cranky's Cabin) Donkey Kong is knocked into the Crystal Coconut's case, making the case open, buying Krusha and K. Rool some time to enter the cabin and snatch the Coconut Cranky: Get up, Donkey Kong, get up Donkey Kong, get up! King K. Rool: You can't stop me now, Cranky. I win, you lose! Cranky: (enters his cabin; offscreen) Stop right there, I'm warning you! King K. Rool exits the cabin with the Crystal Coconut with Krusha; departing to the lair. Cranky: You scum-sucking rancid reptiles! This is bad, really really bad, what happened? Donkey Kong: Every since Candy cut my hair, and told me she wanted to make me her little love slave... Cranky: Your hair? Donkey Kong: Yeah, don't laugh, she gave me the once-over makeover. Cranky: Do I look like I'm laughing? You're under her curse! Diddy: Hey, someone's coming! Funky's Plane is heading towards the cabin. Diddy: It's Funky Kong, he's coming in for a landing! Cranky: He's gonna land on us! Diddy: To your left! Funky safely lands next to Cranky's Cabin Diddy: Sheesh, that was mere depth! Funky: Yeah, dudes, it's chaos all over the island! K. Rool's got the coconut? Diddy: It's true. We're all doomed! Donkey Kong: Everyone knows already? Sheesh! Funky: Hop in and I'll cruise you to the mellow yellow plantation! Donkey Kong: Gah! Bananas! They always do the trick! Cranky: Don't count on it Donkey Kong and Diddy hop onto Funky's Plane. Funky: Hang tight, take-offs are a little rocky! Diddy Umm, how rocky? Funky: Nothing I can't handle Diddy: Umm, maybe, maybe I should stay behind. I insist this warning Funky: Too late! The plane goes for a rough falling, briefly, then it flies into action! In Cranky's Cabin Cranky: Bananas, fat chance, and now for my voodoo undo! A potion table drops out from the ceiling. Meanwhile, Funky is flying his plane to a banana jungle Funky: Banana for the ramp of the load! Donkey Kong: I hope this does the trick! Diddy: I hope we land! Funky: Feast your eyes on those gazillions of mellow yellows! Diddy: What a gorgeous sight! Problem solved! All you gotta do now is chow! A few minutes later, Donkey Kong has gobbled up every banana. Diddy: I don't believe it, he's eaten every single banana! (chuckling) Funky: And he's still a wimp! Cranky: Behold the voodoo undo. (to Candy) What took you so long? Candy: Bluster didn't want to come, I had to force him. Cranky: (holding a blue cure in a beaker) Here, you have to find DK, make him drink this. Only the prson that cast the spell on him can undo the curse. Candy: But I didn't curse him. Cranky: Well, somebody who walked, talked and looked like you did. Bluster: She's been at the Barrelworks all day. Cranky: Then maybe it was an impostor, a double, a Candy wannabe, nevermind, it'll still work. Move on it, go, go, go! Candy and Bluster exit the Cabin. Cranky: The fate of Kongo Bongo is in it for you, it lies in your hands. Meanwhile, at King K. Rool's lair, K. Rool is standing on the machine platform with several Kritters as they have a meeting. King K. Rool: (holding the Crystal Coconut) My loyal reptilian subjects, this marks a glorious day in history for all Kritters! Klump: (clears his throat) King K. Rool: Becuase from this day forward, I am the indisputable ruler of every living being on the base of Kongo Bongo. Kritter #1: All hail King K. Rool! Kritters: (cheer and applause) Klump: Uhm, hm. Sir? King K. Rool: What is it, Klump? Klump: There's, uh... been a setback with your plan. My sources tells me that Cranky's cooked up an antidote to the voodoo curse. Then, we switch to Bluster riding the Barrel-Copter through the skies with Candy inside. Candy: How are we ever gonna find Donkey Kong? He could be anywhere on the island. (hears strange noise) What is that? Bluster: We're experiencing mechanical difficulties. The propeller then stops due to some Klaptraps chomping on the copter, causing the copter to fall down. Both: Klaptraps! (screams as the copter falls down) They have then laned on ground in the forest Bluster: I'm tired, my feet is sore, I have sand in my shoes and I'm thirsty. Give me that bottle! Candy: No, this will save Donkey Kong. Bluster: So what if K. Rool wins, who cares, Donkey Kong'll be out of my hair, I cant stand that guy. (grabs antidote from Candy) Now give me that stuff, we're not going to save Donkey Kong, no one is. Bluster pours all the antidote on the ground, making it empty. Candy: Bluster, what are you doing? Bluster: I'm top banana now. Suddenly, the antidote starts to make a banana tree grow. Bluster: Huh? What's happening? Uh-oh, it's, it's... Candy: It's the biggest hugest humungous banana tree I've ever seen!
|