 "You have to do better than that! Still got you beat, hunh?! "
|
Act 1[]
At Cranky's Cabin. Cranky is chanting on a piano. Cranky: ♪ You say you gotta be young to rock. But Cranky's gonna show ya how to walk the walk. I'll show ya moves that you've never seen. I'll take ya to places ya never been. I know you're thinking that I'm much too old. But when they made Cranky, they broke the mold! I'm gonna show you, without a doubt! This old body will never give out- EEEYAH! ♪ Ah! Huh? Surrender, Cranky. Hand over the Coconut, you spineless simian. Cranky: Come here, you dried up salamanders, you fish food additives. I'll whomp you. I'll squash you. String him up! Umm, string him up! Cranky: Bunch of Jurassic wannabes. At last, my dream's come true. A star is risen! The Crystal Coconut is mine, all mine! DONKEY: Hey, Cranky, open up. ROOL: Yikes, Donkey Kong! Lizards, slither away. DONKEY: Cranky, it's Donkey Kong and Diddy. Open up. You got to lend me your vacuum cleaner, Cranky. Candy's coming over for lunch. DIDDY: His place is a mess, a total sty. Where do you keep it? Closet? Of course. Uhh, cupboard? I'll check the cupboard. Cranky: Nincompoops, the... Kitchen! I'll scan the kitchen. Whoa! Got anything to munch on, Cranky? Crackers? Nah. I was thinking more along the line of banana. Cranky: You dopes, a couple of big dopes. Jackpot! It's in the cupboard. You were right, Cranky. Soon as I'm done with it, it's back here. Wrong side of the bed or what? Cranky: If I was 40 years younger, I'd bash, I'd... Young Cranky: Dude, frankly, I got to tell you, I'm totally mortified. Makes two of us. Young Cranky: That's right. Check it out. I'm the studly dude material you're made of. You're me? Or were me, 40 years ago? What happened? Ah! Young Cranky: See you next fall! (laughs) Cranky:Get out of my face. Scram. Who needs you? Young Cranky: Later, dude. Cranky: Come back! Oh, my back, my back. Young Cranky: Dude, I'm funny. You're not. I was thinking. Somewhere along the way, you lost your sense of humour. Young Cranky: Hmm, maybe. So, let's mix some up. Cranky: That's it. I'll cook up a couple of really good laughs. That'll cure me, make me feel 40 years younger. I forget what it takes. Young Cranky: Help us. Start with some macaroni and cheese. Cranky: Hmm, right, macaroni and cheese. Next is... Young Cranky: Starts with a 'J'. Cranky: 'J'... Jelly beans, right! It's coming back: cat's cradle, chocolate syrup, ground grass, dehydrated cooking batter and powdered yoyos. Young Cranky: Stir it up. Hey, hey, easy on the yoyos. Cranky: What's wrong with yoyos? I like yoyos. Bottoms up. Young Cranky: Time to show K. Rool who really rules this jungle. We're gathered today for the Kongo Bongo Banana Peel Grand Prix. Gentlemen, start your engines. And they're off. Oh no! This is going to turn out bad, bad, bad! DK, don't get too carried away, you know, out of control. Donkey Kong takes the early lead. Coming into the first turn, it's Donkey Kong! Watch right, through the treacherous terrain! Oh no, I don't think so. You're going to lose control! It's alive! Come back! Run away! You broke Cranky's vacuum, DK. It's busted, boom, finished. Looks like it's going to be takeout for Candy and me. This is our strategy. We are here. And the Crystal Coconut is there. Here, there. Here, there. Get it? Young Cranky: Banana slamma! Who's he? A stray, a marauder, a vigilante, or just a dumb ape. Young Cranky: Come on, you ooze-sucking pond gacks. I'm in the mood to wrestle a couple of overgrown newts. What the? Who are you calling a newt? I like your spunk. I'll find you a couple of reptiles to wrestle. Young Cranky: (shocked) Oops. He's going to be mad, mad, mad. How are you going to explain it? I don't know yet. I'll come up with something. Besides, we didn't do it on purpose. The thing went berserk-o. Hey, no one's home. Come on, let's stash it and he'll never even notice. I want a banana. How could you think about bananas now? I can't help it. I always got bananas on the brain. Hmm. Nothing. Whoa! Want a slug? No! And you shouldn't either. You don't even know what that stuff is. Come on. Let's get out of here before Cranky comes home. Ooh! Ah. Not bad, tastes like... yoyos? You're going to be late for lunch. Candy's going to throw a fit. I can see it already. Let's get a move on.
|
Act 2[]
Huh? Play? Hey, who are you? Where'd you come from? Donkey Kong, get in here! Okay, okay, I got the point. Chill out. DK will make it all better as soon as he gets here. He was right behind me! DK, get in here! Nana slamma! 'Banana slam...' Donkey Kong! It's you! What happened? Oh, no, that stuff you drank at Cranky's, it turned you into... Baby Kong. Ba, ba, ba, ba... Iddy play? CANDY: Yoo-hoo, DK. It's me. Candy! CANDY: It's lunchtime. She's here, DK. What do we do? Andy, Andy! She came to have lunch with DK, big, tall, with lots of muscles DK, not the half-pint version. Hey, DK, I brought your favourite, a three-layer cake: banana, banana, banana. BABY KONG: Nanana, nanana, nanana? Hey, Candy. You look great, really. Umm, now what is it? New hair? No, no, no. Let me guess. Umm, it's... Diddy, where is he? Am I being stood up? BABY KONG: Andy, Andy! DIDDY: No, not exactly standing up. All right, what's going on here? Is he up there? Umm, the elevator, yeah, it's not working, nada. We're trapped. You're trapped. Andy, Andy! Will you be quiet? I'm trying to get us out of this jam. Do I look like a sucker? I'm coming up. Oh no! Don't come in. Uhh, you see, you can't come in here because, umm... because... Because why? Because it's a surprise. 'A surprise'? What? Okay, you guys, what's going on here? Aww! Whose baby is that? Andy play? It's, uhh, DK's, uhh... 'DK's'? Uhh, DK's nephew. 'DK's nephew'? Andy, ooh. He's cute. I didn't know Donkey Kong had a nephew. Uh-huh, oh yeah, oh yeah, got a nephew, uh-huh. Yeah, and this is him. Really? I don't see the resemblance. DIDDY: Uhh, that's his nephew, all right. Well, who is he? Umm, uhh, none of our sources have seen or heard of him before. Really? A rogue, a renegade, an upstart. Perhaps we could use him. Young Cranky: What a dork, a bonehead, an egomaniac. What was I thinking? Let me go, you dimwitted... He's adorable! Not bright, but adorable. Kind of like DK. Where is the big guy anyway? I have to get back to work pretty soon. Uhh, he's, uhh... He's around, you know. He'll be back, as soon as I figure out how to get you back to normal. Hang tight, buddy. I'm going to go to Cranky's for help. Umm, I got to make a banana run for the baby. You mind watching him for a bit? No, go, go. I'm going to wait here for DK anyway. Baby Kong? What you got there? Andy. Hip, hup, hip, hup, what you got? A big fat butt. Hip, hup, hip, hup, get up, get up. Young Cranky: Bada bing, bada boom. Hip, hup, hip... Ow! What the... The prisoner's loose! After him! Young Cranky: There's an ugly site: a wagon-load of newts. Yipes, it's a reptilian cotillion. Surrender. You have no way out. Young Cranky: Ah! Where'd he go? Cranky: My muscles, my strength, my face, I'm not a stud muffin anymore. Seize him. Cranky: Not so fast, not so fast. I surrender. I have a proposition. Out with it, you old windbag. What's the deal? Cranky: I thought perhaps an amazement, a trade. I've cooked up a potion, youth serum, you might be interested in. No compromises. The Crystal Coconut is all I want. No Coconut, no deal. Cranky: Donkey Kong, where are you? The time has come for me to help DK Swing into action and finally save the day Everybody see what I can do 'Cause it's Diddy to the rescue I can do most anything that Donkey Kong can do, Oh! Don't take too much too get me excited Get out of my way 'Cause Diddy's coming through ROOL: At last, I am all powerful, the supreme leader, the grand pooh-bah of evil. Eeps! Oh, beautiful orb of power... Open it! Cranky: Over my dead body. Open it at once or I'll roast you for lunch! Yikes! I don't want to be a hero that bad. Who's wittle wittle baby's all cozy? Baby Kong's going to be a good wittle baby and go sleepy-bye. Andy play? No, Aunty Andy has to go back to work-y for that silly turkey. Are you talking baby talk on company time? Bluster, you scared me. You clocked in late. But... Don't be denying it. I checked your timecard, exactly 3 minutes and 46 seconds late because of a leisurely lunch with Donkey Kong. No, he never showed up. Instead, I got stuck baby-sitting his nephew. 'Nephew'? He's gone! Who's gone? Baby Kong! Stop this thing! What are you doing? All right, no more messing around. It's naptime for Baby Kong. Andy. You be a good wittle baby now. And Candy, you go back to work now. I'm the boss. And the boss says 'Move it.' Cranky: Candy! Ah! Cranky, what are you doing here. Cranky: It's an emergency. Where's Donkey Kong? I couldn't tell you. Cranky: You had lunch with him. That big dope stood me up. Instead, I'm stuck baby-sitting his nephew. Cranky: 'His nephew'? Donkey Kong doesn't have a nephew. So, what do you call that? Cranky! Cranky: Hmm. Same goofy look, same stupid expression. Coincidence? It's not possible. There couldn't be two nincompoops like DK. Cranky down, down! Cranky: Back, get back, you rug rat! Scram! Baby Kong? No! Baby Kong! Come back, Baby Kong!
|
Act 3[]
Hey, Candy. Diddy, what are you doing back here? I came to get Donkey, I mean,... Baby Kong. I don't know where he is. There, in that barrel, that way! Hurry! Get him! Which way did he go? Ouch! No! Duck! Where... Oh no! Baby Kong, look out! Help! Ooh! Baby Kong, wait up for me! Ah, yes, finally mine. I win. I win! Nice to be winners for once, huh? Yup. What's that? No, my coconut! Ooh! Pretty! Nothing but a pipsqueak. Give me my coconut. Bouncy, bouncy, bally. You miniature monkey, give it back. I order you. Release the coconut. Hey, DK. Oops. Yes? Can we help you? I... I, uhh, meant Baby Kong. Ha-ha! There you are, Baby Kong. Ooh! Oh, very funny. Enough with the fun and games! Now pass it back here! Uh-uh. Banana-rama bonanza split! We've been duped by a baby. This is getting on my nerves. Follow them! Hip, hup, hip, hup, hip, hup, hip, hup, what you got? Squat! Company, make like a barrel. The art of camouflage, the element of surprise. Hello! Anybody home? Ooh, it's Klump. What do you want? You know exactly what I want. Umm, oh yeah, surrender the coconut... or we'll call off the siege! 'We'? All I see is one fat, loony lizard and a bunch of old barrels. Heavily-armed barrels. What do we do now, DK? We're under attack! Ready, aim, fire! What a mess. Sure could use a cleaning. Hey, let's do the floor. Oh no! We're surrounded! Ready, squash 'em. And... Ah! Where'd they go? Just the two I'm looking for, and just the thing I'm looking for. Now, give your dear, dear Uncle K. Rool his Coconut. I'll give you a whole bunch of bananas, yummy yummy. Nah! Oh, so you want to play games, do you? All right, let's pretend you're the quarterback. And I'll be the receiver. King K. Rool's back. He splits the defence, cuts to the left, fakes to the right. Throw long! Throw long, Baby Kong! I'm open! I'm... I'm... losing it! Hand over the Coconut, you half-pint primate! Nah, nah, nah. Oh dear. Oh, retreat! Donkey Kong... Donkey Kong! Good match. Once again, you win. I lose. No harm, no foul. Let's call it a day, huh? What do you say? Banana slamma! Woe is me. This close, this close to triumph! Stiff upper lip, Your Majesty. We'll get 'em next time. Will there be a next time for me? I'm just an old, dried-up lizard. (Whimpering] At least I ended with a little something. Perhaps Cranky's youth serum will give me back my fighting spirit. Huh? Your Majesty? Where'd you go? Mommy?
|