 "The trouble with you kids, is that you're all too soft!"
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Act 1[]
Donkey Kong (narrator): It took a while. But one afternoon when I was relaxing. Not that I often take time for my busy work to goof around. (Then Diddy arives)
Diddy Kong: Hey, DK! You wanna come and see the... (He slips on one of DK's banana peel littered around the treehouse) WHOAAA!! (DK see Diddy lying down, inside the treehouse)
Donkey Kong: Diddy, you okay? Speak to me, little buddy! Speak to me!
Diddy Kong: Only one thing worse than a bruised banana; a bruised butt. (Diddy giggles, and gets up)
Donkey Kong: Some best pal, tricking me like that.
Diddy Kong: Ha ha ha! I got you good didn't I? Ha Ha Ha!
Donkey Kong (laughing) Yeah, you did. Guess I better clean these peels up before something really bad happens. (Suddenly, DK slipping on a banana peel, going straight to the elevator barrel causing it to crash down.)
Diddy Kong: Hold on, big buddy. I'm coming. (He comes down) DK, are you okay? Oh, DK, speak to me, bestest pal in the whole world! Speak to me!
Donkey Kong: (Groaning) Huh? Who are you?
Diddy Kong: Who am I? I'm Diddy. Your bestest pal in the whole world, remember?
Donkey Kong: Diddy?
Diddy Kong: Oh... I get it now! You're trying to trick me, aren't you, Donkey Kong?
Donkey Kong: Donkey Kong?
Diddy Kong: (gasps) Jumping banana bugs! Oh, DK, you've lost your memory?! Cranky!
Donkey Kong: Cranky? Is that my name?
Diddy Kong: No! Oh, never mind. Just don't move 'till I get back! Oh, you've got problems! (Diddy leaves to get Cranky)
Donkey Kong: I say he's the one with the problems.
(Scene cuts to Candy Kong waiting for DK in the jungle)
Candy Kong: Oh, that Donkey Kong! Is there some sort of rule that says boyfriends always have to be late? Well, this time I"m not taking "Gee, sorry Candy, I forgot" for an answer. (She doesn't notice DK wandering around in the background, nor does he overhear her complaining) That big ape might not know it, but he's in big trouble!
(Scene then cuts to Kaptain Skurvy at the beach, where his crew are digging from treasure)
Green Kroc: If we digs any deeper, we'll sink the island.
Kutlass: Aye. Are you sure we buried our treasure here, Kaptain Skurvy, sir?
Kaptain Skurvy: Aye, "X" marks the spot. It be buried here, positively. Why, I'd even stake my reputation as the scurviest seadog on it. I"d... But even so, you might wants to take a little look, um... Over thar".
Green Kroc: Why does we bury the treasure, Kaptain?
Skurvy: "Why does we bury the treasure?" Why does we bury the treasure?! Kutlass, tell Mr. Green Kroc here why we be buryin" treasure.
Kutlass: Ahem. According to Section 3 paragraph 4 of the Pirate Handbook. "Any and all treasure acquired by ill-gotten means shall and will be systematically buried", sir.
Skurvy: So, there be your answer, Mr. Green Kroc, smarty boots! Now, and not another word.
Green Kroc: But if we just be digging it up again...
Skurvy: Are your ears full of cotton, sailor?
(Then Donkey Kong arrive)
Donkey Kong: Excuse me, fellas! Maybe you can help me out. I don't know who I am.
Skurvy: Help you out? Why, I'd sooner run ye through with... Don't know who ye be?
Donkey Kong: You see, I got bumped on the head, and now... Who am I?
Kutlass: You're Donkey...
Skurvy: (hits Kutlass by the chest) Kroc!
Donkey Kong: Huh?
Skurvy: Aye, Donkey Croc! Me own first mate!
Green Kroc: But I'm your first...
(He hits Green Kroc by the chest)
Skurvy: Surely you must remember Mr. Green Kroc and me second mate Kutlass.
Donkey Kong: "Donkey Croc?" I'm a pirate?!
(Scene cuts to Cranky and Diddy outside of DK's treehouse)
Cranky Kong: You say he landed on his head?!
Diddy Kong: Yeah!
Cranky Kong: Good thing, otherwise he might've hurt himself.
Diddy Kong: Oh, what do we do, Cranky?! He must've wandered off!
Cranky Kong: Find Funky. Use his plane for an air search.
Diddy Kong: Good idea. (He heads off)
Cranky Kong: This better not be Donkey Kong trying to trick me so he can forget about the 20 bananas he owes me, or I'll give him something he'll never forget!
(Scene then cuts to Skurvy's ship, where we see DK and Skurvy)
Donkey Kong: You know, the thing I don't remember most is being a croc. You sure I'm not some kind of monkey?
Skurvy: Oh, you be as croc as they come, Donkey Croc. (He brings out a large frame) Here, sees for yourself.
(The music starts, as Skurvy mimicking Donkey's actions, giving the impression of a mirror, as they sing "The Mirror Never Lies")
Skurvy: 🎵Arrh! Feast your eyes🎵
🎵Look into the mirror, arrh, it never lies!🎵
🎵You're a pirate! Can't you see that this is no disguise?🎵
🎵You live to loot and pillage, maim and terrorize!🎵
🎵Your reflection tells the story of a pirate's life of glory🎵
🎵Trust your eyes! Arrh!🎵
🎵The mirror never lies!🎵
🎵Arrh!🎵
Donkey Kong: 🎵How can this be?🎵
🎵I faintly recall swinging tree to tree!🎵
🎵Now I see a pirate that's in front of me!🎵
🎵With slimy skin and beady eyes, what a surprise!🎵
🎵The reflection tells the story of a pirate's life of glory🎵
🎵Trust my eye!🎵
🎵The mirror never lies!🎵
Both: 🎵The reflection tells the story of a pirate's life of glory🎵
🎵Trust your eye!🎵
🎵Arrh! The mirror never lies!🎵
🎵The mirror never lies...🎵
(Song ends, then the scene fades to Donkey Kong now wearing a eye patch and a pirate hat, Skurvy and DK are snarling)
Skurvy: Well, Donkey Croc, ready for some piratin"?
Donkey Kong: Aye-aye, nose-nose, throat-throat. Ablast, me hardlies, and shiver me tree trunks.
Skurvy: Arrh. A scurvy pirate takes silver, a lowdown bilge rat takes gold, but there be only one prize for the lowest of the low pirate scumdog such as ye, Donkey Croc. The Crystal Coconut. The gem what holds the power of the seven seas.
Donkey Kong: Aye-aye, nose-nose, throat-throat. (He heads off)
(Skurvy and his crew laughed, but DK comes back since he no longer knows where it is)
Donkey Kong: Uh, any idea where I might be finding one of them coconuts?
Skurvy: Draw him a map.
(Scene cuts to Funky, on his plane with Diddy)
Funky Kong: Any sign of him, Diddy Dude?
Diddy Kong: No, Funky! Oh, wait, I see something! Whoa, pirates!
(They see Kaptain Skurvy's ship)
Funky Kong: Whoa! The peg-legged, eye-patchin' dudes are back!
Diddy Kong: We'd better warn Cranky! With DK lost, the Crystal Coconut is in danger!
Funky Kong: Roger! Over and out!
(They fly off to Cranky's cabin, scene cuts to Candy Kong coming out of her house)
Candy Kong: My favourite banana necklace is gone, and whoever stole it left... this!
(She discovered a banana peel on the front of her front porch, scene then cuts to White Mountains, where we see Eddie the Yeti holding a banana peel outside of his cave)
Eddie the Mean Old Yeti: Club! Club gone! Eddie club gone! Thief leave... thief leave... Thief leave snack! (He eats the banana peel)
(Scene then cuts to Donkey Kong entering K. Rool's Lair, he stole King K. Rool's throne, & leaves a banana peel)
Donkey Kong: Har, har, har, har.
(As he leaves, we see K. Rool, Klump and Krusha hiding from behind the crates)
Klump: He stole your throne, King K. Rool, sir! Donkey Kong stole your throne!
King K. Rool: I'm aware of that, General Klump, but the question I want answered is... why.
Act 2[]
(The scene cuts to Cranky's cabin) Cranky Kong: Pirates, eh? Funky Kong: Without question! Crocs of the skull-and-crossbone variety. Diddy Kong: And still no sign of DK! Cranky Kong: Then who's gonna protect the Crystal Coconut?! (Then Donkey Kong arrives) Cranky Kong: Ya-ha! Donkey Kong to the rescue! Donkey Kong: I'll take that. (He steals the coconut, & leaves the cabin) Cranky Kong: Was he... wearing an eye patch? (Cranky, Funky, & Diddy head out of the cabin, as they see DK stealing Funky's plane, flying off with the coconut) Donkey Kong: The name's Donkey Croc! (Laughing) Funky Kong: The Donkey dude thinks he's a pirate dude. Cranky Kong: And he just pirated the Crystal Coconut. Diddy Kong: Now what do we do? (Scene cuts to Skurvy's ship) Skurvy: A pretty good day's piratin" I'd say, Donkey Ko... I mean, Croc. (Laugh) Now, what be we doin", lads? Kutlass: Section Three, Paragraph Four, Kaptain Skurvy, sir. Green Kroc: (groans) Gift-wrap it? Skurvy: Bury it, you walnut-brained bottom-feeder. We be pirates, it be treasure, so we be buryin" the treasure. All except this, of course. (Holding the coconut) (Skurvy and his crew laughed, then we see K. Rool, Klump and Krusha at the beach spying on them) King K. Rool: So, that's it! There's the reason Donkey Kong took my throne. Klump: Uh, he... uh... wanted a seat? King K. Rool: No, you knucklehead! For some reason, Donkey Kong thinks he's a pirate, so he's pirating everything that's not glued down. Klump: Or maybe he's brainy-washed. King K. Rool: Something only you'd be immune too. Krusha: Uh, he... he could be "hypotized'. King K. Rool: Whatever! The question now is how can we move this turn of events to get the Crystal Coconut into my claws? (Scene cuts to Diddy, Funky, and Cranky reading a book inside the cabin) Cranky Kong: Ah, here it is. Memory loss. It says, "A recently lost memory can be restored by..." Diddy Kong: How, Cranky? Funky Kong: How? Cranky Kong: That's it. Diddy Kong: What's it? (He dashes off before telling it to Diddy and Funky) (Scene cuts to Donkey Kong eating bananas in Skurvy's ship, as the pirates debate what to do with him) Skurvy: Arrh? Green Kroc: Maybe we should get him to dig the holes before we get rid of him. Skurvy: Aye, but I can't stands any more of that monkey stuff on my ship. Kutlass: Easy for you to say, you just hold the map, you don't have to dig. Skurvy: What be that, third mate? (He comes to DK) Ahoy, Donkey Croc. I be needin" you to do me another favour. Donkey Kong: More booty, Kaptain? Skurvy: Narrh, this time, lad. I want ye to go ashore and capture a scurvy seadog, goes by the name of Donkey Kong. (Green Kroc & Kutlass laughing) Donkey Kong: Aye-aye, nose... Skurvy: Just get on with it! (He heads off) Skurvy: (laughing) The landlubber's goin' to hunt heself. (Skurvy and his crew laughed) (Scene then cuts to Candy & Cranky outside her house) Candy Kong: Donkey Kong had an accident?! Is he okay, Cranky? Cranky Kong: Well, he got whacked on the head, lost his memory, thinks he's a pirate, stole the Crystal Coconut, and now we can't find him! According to my book, we've only got one hope. Candy Kong: You want me to bonk him on the head again? Cranky Kong: If that's all it took to get his memory back, I'd do it myself! With pleasure! I'm afraid it's not that simple. (Scene cuts to Donkey Kong in the jungle) Donkey Kong: Guess I should've ask the Kaptain for a map or something. (Then King K. Rool appears) King K. Rool: Where on Earth have you been? Donkey Kong: Arrh. You've got me confused with someone else. I'm Donkey Croc, the pirate... Arrh... and I'm looking for Donkey Kong the... (screeching)... ape. King K. Rool: No, you're not. Donkey Kong: I'm not? King K. Rool: No, you're Donkey Rool. (DK is confused, the music starts as K. Rool sings "One of Us") King K. Rool: 🎵Well!!🎵 🎵Listen here, while I make it clear!🎵 🎵I can't believe you can't see what we see here!🎵 🎵A crocodile, the superior species🎵 🎵You're Donkey Croc, initials D.C.🎵 🎵Looking at your claws🎵 🎵You could be one of my in-laws!🎵 🎵'Cause you're one of us! One of us!🎵 🎵You're mean and green, scaly sheen🎵 🎵Can't you see you're one of us?🎵 🎵You walk the walk, my brother Croc!🎵 🎵Arm in arm, together we rock!🎵 Donkey Kong: 🎵Well, if what you say is true...🎵 🎵Then I guess we're brothers, same color with a similar hue🎵 🎵With these fangs and this scaly skin...🎵 🎵There's no question that we're family, next of kin🎵 🎵'Cause I'm one of you! One of you!🎵 🎵Same crew, nothing I can do!🎵 🎵I can see I'm one of you🎵 🎵One of you! One of you! The same crew!🎵 🎵I'm really one of you!🎵 (The song ends, DK takes off his eye patch and pirate hat, as K. Rool, & DK laugh maniacally) King K. Rool: It's been a long time since you've done a job for me, Donkey Rool. Donkey Kong: If you say it has. King K. Rool: You wouldn't, by any chance, know where you could get your hands on, say... a Crystal Coconut, would you? Donkey Kong: I know just where one is. King K. Rool: I thought you might. (Laughs evily, as DK heads off) (scene fades to Donkey Kong running in the forest, as Diddy and Funky arrive to stop him) Funky Kong: Lay it on him, Diddy Dude! Diddy Kong: Before you take another step, I want you to try to remember the time we were trapped together in those barrels. (The scene flashbacks to Skurvy's ship where Skurvy and his crew lock up DK and Diddy in barrels) Skurvy: Well, me little guppies, let's see you get out of this one. Arrh. Diddy Kong: Let us go, Skurvy! Skurvy: Oh, I'll let you go. Donkey Kong: You will? Skurvy: Just as soon as I find some shark-infested waters! (Skurvy and his crew laughed evily, the flashback fades to Donkey Kong being free from the barrel, then we see Skurvy and his crew) Skurvy: And now, with Donkey Kong out of my way, nothing can stop me. (Suddenly, DK bursts out of the door) Donkey Kong: Except me, squidface. Skurvy: Donkey Kong? Donkey Kong: I'm sorry, did I interrupt something? Skurvy: Get those knuckle-draggin" landlubbers. (The two Kongs split up in response, as Skurvy's crew attacks them) Diddy Kong: (running from Kutlass) I need some backup here! Kutlass: (running after Diddy) Stand still. Diddy Kong: HELP! Donkey Kong: (in front of Kutlass) You were saying? Banana Slamma! (He punched Kutlass) (The flashback ends) Diddy Kong: Remember? Donkey Kong: Hmm... Sorry, no. Now, if you don't mind... Funky Kong: Try trippin' back to when you were movin' and groovin' in the Temple of the Inka Dinka Dude! (The scene flashbacks to Donkey Kong, Diddy, & Funky in the temple) Donkey Kong: Is it me or does the floor seem a little narrow? (The room reveals is a narrow passageway) Funky Kong: Why look at the negative, DK? Diddy Kong: Yeah. Besides, we're monkeys. To us, that's a highway. (giggles) Donkey Kong: Well, here goes. (He enters the room) Funky Kong: A little drum music if you please. (Drum music starts) Donkey Kong: Let me know if you see... (an arrow shoots) anything. Diddy Kong: (another arrow shoots) DK, Duck! Donkey Kong: (he ducks) Whoa! (arrows start flying from out of the walls as DK tries to make it across) Funky Kong: Don't stop! Keep movin"! Let your body do the brainwork! (DK manages to dodge all the arrows and avoid falling into the pits, he succeeded) Donkey Kong: Banana Slamma! (The flashback ends) Donkey Kong: Nuh-uh, not me. Diddy Kong: Oh, come on! There's got to be something you remember! Something that'll convince you you're not Donkey Croc the pirate! Donkey Kong: Well, of course I'm not Donkey Croc the pirate. I'm Donkey Rool! Both: "Donkey Rool"? Donkey Kong: Heheheheheh... Gotta run! I'm on my way to the Crystal Coconut, for King K. Rool! (Laughs evily, as he heads off) Both: This is even worse!
Act 3[]
(Scene then fades to Donkey Kong wandering around in the jungle as Cranky arrives to stop him) Cranky Kong: Hold it right there! Donkey Kong: Not another one... Listen, old-timer, before you try to tell me I'm someone I'm not, I'll tell you exactly who I am. I'm Donkey Rool! Hahahahaa!! Cranky Kong: "Donkey Rool?!" Boy, this doesn't get any easier! I'll have to pull out the heavy artillery. Donkey Kong: Need a hand lifting it, old-timer? Cranky Kong: He sure didn't lose any of his intellect! Knock off the "old-timer" stuff and listen to me! You're Donkey Kong, and you're going to remember the time when... (The scene flashbacks to King K. Rool's Lair) King K. Rool: (screaming and panicing) Save me! Cranky Kong: (As hologram) We're all doomed! Donkey Kong: Banana slamma! (runs and tackles K. Rool making him drop a book) (The book lands in Diddy's hands only to have Polly Roger take it. DK, King K. Rool and Diddy each grab it one after the other) Donkey Kong: He who laughs last... King K. Rool: Laughs best. (Laughs evily) Diddy Kong: Ha! (Polly Roger chases Diddy who is being chased by K. Rool) King K. Rool: Why, you little...! Diddy Kong: DK, Over! (Diddy kicks the book to DK which hits him on the head while the others try to grab it and is about to fall in a pit) Donkey Kong: No! (DK dives into the pit to retrieve the book) Diddy Kong: (echoing) DK! Donkey Kong: (reading while rising from a platform) "The curse of the double doubloon can easily be reversed. Read these words and you will see your island is no longer cursed." Diddy Kong: Ya-ha! Donkey Kong saves the day! (The flashback ends) Cranky Kong: Ya-hee! I knew I could make you remember! You're Donkey....! Donkey Kong: Rool. Cranky Kong: Okay, that's it. I thought I could do it, but like the book says, if anything's going to do it, it's this! (Then Candy Kong arrives) Candy Kong: Hi, Donkey Kong. Remember me? Surely you must remember your old sweetie pie. Donkey Kong: Forget my old sweetie pie, who are you? Candy Kong: What?! Donkey Kong: My name's Donkey Rool. What's yours? Cranky Kong: This is hopeless! Candy Kong: I am your old sweetie pie, you... you... big banana for brains! (She knocks him into a nearby tree, causing some coconuts to drop on his head.) Donkey Kong: Gee, what happened? What did you hit me with, Cranky? Cranky Kong: I didn't hit you with anything, you big... Candy Kong: Cranky, wait. Did you call him "Cranky"? Donkey Kong: Sure I did, Candy. I was gonna call him something else, but... you were present. (Cranky and Candy are shocked.) Donkey Kong: What are you staring at? You look like you don't remember who I am. I'm Donkey Kong, your boyfriend, Candy! Candy Kong: Oh, yay, he's back! I love you, Donkey Kong. Cranky Kong: Ya-ha! Donkey Kong: Yeah. (He stops cheering) Where did I go? Cranky Kong: No time to explain now. You've got to get the Crystal Coconut back from those pirates! Donkey Kong: Pirates? Cranky Kong: Don't worry, I have a plan. (The scene cuts to Kaptain Skurvy (holding the coconut) at the beach again, where his crew are digging from treasure.) (Then they see Donkey Kong, running to them.) Donkey Kong: Avast, me lardlubbers! Walk the plank! Thar be a king gator, what goes by the name K. Rool, closing in on us in the company of an army of killer crocs! Hoist anchor! Full sails ahead! Save your scurvy hide before it's too late. (His crew are heading to the shop, DK takes the coconut, & give Skurvy a map.) Donkey Kong: I'll hide the treasure. Don't worry, "X" marks the spot. (He runs off with the coconut.) Skurvy: But... Cast off! (He heads off with the map.) (Scene now cuts to King K. Rool's Lair) Donkey Kong: King K. Rool, King K. Rool! King K. Rool: Donkey Ko... [Hemming]... I mean, Donkey Rool. You're back. Where's the Crystal Coconut? Donkey Kong: I had to hide it. There are pirates everywhere. It's in a secret place. "X" marks the spot. (Laughs evily) (Scene then cuts to Donkey Kong, Diddy, & Cranky inside his cabin) Donkey Kong: Boy, it sure is nice having the Crystal Coconut back. Cranky Kong: You can say that again. Donkey Kong: Boy, it sure is nice having... (Cranky looks at him) Diddy Kong: And to think that all this trouble started "cause DK was careless with his banana peels! (Laughs) Donkey Kong: I've learned my lesson, Diddy. From now on, I put my banana peels where they belong. Diddy Kong: Gee, where's that, DK? (The scene cuts to K. Rool following the map inside a tunnel, then Skurvy appears following the same path as K. Rool) King K. Rool: Skurvy, you pestering pirate! Skurvy: Arrh, K. Rool, you bilge rat! (But then they noticing a barrel at the end of the mine, believing it to contain the Crystal Coconut) Both: It's mine! (They both dash for it, but slip on some laid-out banana peels and fall onto the ground below by accident, taking the barrel with them, with the barrel revealing that there is nothing but bananas inside, when they fall to the ground, they got amnesia, Skurvy and K. Rool see some bananas, so they eat them) (Scene then fades to K. Rool and Skurvy acting like monkeys in the sunset) Donkey Kong (narrator): It took a few days. But K. Rool & Skurvy finally got their memories back, & realizes we've made monkeys out of both of em. (Laughs)