 "Okay, I'll do the article for you! ... Naw! ... Only kidding!"
|
Act 1[]
Candy Kong: Bluster, you think you'd know the way back to your own factory by now. Bluster Kong: I guess I'm just a bit distracted by my navigator. Candy Kong: Bluster, you know that I'm Donkey Kong's girl. You also know that one day, Donkey Kong is going to... Bluster Kong: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong! What's he got that I don't? I've got a barrel factory, I've got a, uh, barrel factory. Candy Kong: Bluster! Bluster Kong: Whoa!
Diddy Kong: You missed a major slam dunk, Candy! Just when King K. Rool was going to put the grab on the Crystal Coconut, DK grabbed him, scrunched him up into a little bowling ball, and used him to knock Klump and Krusha right out of the game! Pow! Of course, I helped too. Donkey Kong: We came to ask you if you wanted to come on a picnic. Diddy Kong: Yeah, yeah, yeah! A banana picnic! Candy Kong: Love to. And your timing is perfect. It's my lunch break. See you, Bluster. Bluster Kong: Ha! That stupid Crystal Coconut may have said that Donkey Kong was going to be the king of Kongo Bongo, but it never said anything about Candy being the queen. I wish I had a chance to ask that coconut a thing or two. (realizing) Hey, wait a minute. If the Crystal Coconut is as wise as I think it is, it could show me a way to get Candy to love... me!
King K. Rool: Your display of cowardice today was earth-shaking. Well, that's high praise indeed, coming from you, King K. Rool, sir. King K. Rool: This last defeat by Donkey Kong was not only damaging, but humiliating! When was the last time either of you were used as a bowling ball? Krusha: Well, um... King K. Rool: Oh, don't bother to think. I would prefer you use your thick heads to figure out a way to get me that Crystal Coconut! Now! Yes, sir! Krusha: Right away, sir. King K. Rool: And don't you dare come back until you do!
Cranky: Hmm, what does that blow-hard Bluster want from me? Well?! Bluster Kong: I came here to talk, Cranky. Isn't that what friends are for? Cranky: Yes, you're right. That is what friends are for, but that still doesn't explain why you're here. Bluster Kong: Please, you know how I feel about Candy, right? Cranky: More importantly, I know how she feels about you. Bluster Kong: That doesn't change my concern for Candy's well-being. Cranky: Huh? Bluster Kong: She went on a picnic with Donkey Kong, to Orchid Valley! Cranky: Did you say 'Orchid Valley'? Bluster Kong: It's a bad place, isn't it? Cranky: You bet your barrels it's bad. Those orchids are deadly poisonous this time of year. Bluster Kong: Really? Cranky: Someone's got to warn them. Bluster Kong: I'm terribly allergic to orchids. Cranky: So you suppose you think I should go after them, huh? And just leave you here all alone with the coconut? Bluster Kong: I sneeze till it hurts! Cranky: Oh, fine. I'm only doing this 'cause I got no choice. Bluster, don't let anyone near the Crystal Coconut. Bluster Kong: Oh, you can count on me, Cranky. I won't let anyone near it. Bluster Kong: Of course, I'm not just anyone. Bluster Kong: Now, how do I get you to tell me how to get Candy to love me? Bluster Kong: I think it's trying to tell me something. A beaker, a heart and a number 9. Hmm... A love potion? And this must be the formula. Root, berry, flower, bee. Interesting, very interesting. Wait till King K. Rool hears about this. Krusha: About what? The Crystal Coconut is telling that wimp Bluster how to make a love potion. Krusha: How can you see all that? It's all in the touch. Krusha: I can't see a thing. Sometimes I think if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous. Krusha: Let-Let me try yours. Whoa!
Candy Kong: Mm, this picnic idea of yours was perfect, Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong: Gee, thanks, Candy. Do I know what my girl likes or what? Cranky: If I have to save that ape's bacon one more time... Candy Kong: That sounded like Cranky. Cranky: 'Cranky, figure this out.' 'Cranky, what does this mean?' ALL: Hey, Cranky! Cranky: Huh? (stops) What? What the...? What in blazing bananas are you doing here? Donkey Kong: Having a picnic. Cranky: You're supposed to be in the Orchid Valley. Diddy Kong: Why would we go there, Cranky? Everyone knows that it's really poisonous at this time of year. Cranky: Well, I know that, but... Bluster! Diddy Kong: Bluster? Cranky: That slick-haired chimp lied! He must be up to something. Donkey Kong: We'd better get back to the tree house. Candy Kong: I'll check the factory. Diddy Kong: And we'll meet in the middle.
Bluster Kong: Two banana roots, three bees. Ah! You gave me such a shock.
Diddy Kong: What he's trying to say is, uh, 'Forget that, you overgrown primate.' Uh, 'What's going on?' Bluster Kong: What's going on, indeed. Diddy Kong: 'You tell me. Donkey Kong and Candy were never headed... to Orchid Valley... and you know it!' Bluster Kong: I could've sworn that's where they said they were going. Cranky: The coconut! Donkey Kong: Well, it's still here, Cranky. Cranky: True. But I don't trust that snaky simian.
|
Act 2[]
Bluster Kong: Finally, a love potion, and it's mine! All mine, mine, mine. I've mixed up a potion and soon Candy will realise That all she ever wanted was to be dear Bluster's bride ♪To finally be together is a dream that will come true ♪ ♪ Flying off into the sunset in a copter built for two ♪ ♪ Some say I'm dishonest but I'm really, truly fondest ♪ ♪ Of a girl who I can take home to meet Mom ♪ ♪ One pinch of banana root sent straight from my heart ♪ ♪ Two drops of berry juice and we will never part ♪ ♪ Three flower petals oh, if Candy only knew ♪ ♪ Being together forever shoo-be-do-be-do ♪ ♪ I see us in a tree house with a white-barrelled fence ♪ ♪ You bringing me my slippers oh, it all makes so much sense ♪ ♪ One pinch of banana root sent straight from my heart ♪ ♪ Two drops of berry juice and we will never part ♪ ♪ Three flower petals this potion I've made for you ♪ ♪ Being together forever ♪ Ooh King K. Rool: A love potion: perfect. Exactly what I need. I didn't know you had a sweetie pie, K. Rool, sir. King K. Rool: I do. [Laughing] I do. The Crystal Coconut. Krusha: Mm, coconut pie. Yum. I like coconut. Bluster Kong: There, now all I have to do is use this sprayer full of love potion on Candy and begin my new life. King K. Rool: [Feminine voice]: Ooh, Blusty! Can I come in? Bluster Kong: Candy? Just a minute. I've got a big surprise for you. (sees the krocs coming in; scared) Ah! You gave me such a shock. King K. Rool: Not much compared to what you're about to get! Krusha! Bluster Kong: Ah! Help! King K. Rool: Now, let's see. How shall I determine if his love potion really works? King K. Rool: Well, Klump, how are you? Filled with joy and rapture at the very sight of your loveliness, my liege. King K. Rool: Ten out of ten. I pledge my endless love and devotion to you, sir. King K. Rool: At ease, general! Oh, call me Klumpy. For I love you, King K. Rool, sir. In the way that only a gator could love a croc. King K. Rool: Krusha! Krusha: There you go, nice and cozy. Bluster Kong: Help! King K. Rool: Deal with this, Krusha. Love hurts. King K. Rool: With the help of this potion, Krusha, the Crystal Coconut will soon be mine. (ears Candy humming) Hurry! Hide! Krusha: But my hide is not furry. King K. Rool: Not that 'hide', you knucklehead. This hide! Candy Kong: Why, hello there, my big strong croco-delicious kingy-wingy. What are you doing out here in the dark? I was about to ask, your place or mine? King K. Rool: Mine, of course. Have you ever tasted fresh, royal Kongolian caviar, washed down with a nice red bongo pucciano? Candy Kong: Sounds yummy, kingy! King K. Rool: Tonight, you shall be a royal.
Cranky: I'm sure that Bluster was up to some monkey business with the crystal, but what? Donkey Kong: Why don't you just ask it? Cranky: Good idea, Donkey Kong. Did that blowhard Bluster ask you for something? Cranky: Heart, flowers, bees... A love potion! BOTH: A love potion! Donkey Kong: What would Bluster want with a... Love potion?! Bluster!
Candy Kong: Aside from loving you, I adore what you've done with your lair. A girl could get used to this. All I remember is King K. Rool spraying me with that love potion. Next thing I know, I wake up with a sore head. Krusha: You, uh, fell down. Boy, that must've been one heck of a flight of stairs. King K. Rool: Well, general, it appears that the potion has worn off. It obviously has a time limit to it. Candy, my pet. Candy Kong: Yes? King K. Rool: Would you like to do your kingy-wingy a little favour-waver? Candy Kong: Anything for you, lover boy. King K. Rool: Excellent. How long do you think it would take you to get over to Cranky's and get me that silly old Crystal Coconut? Candy Kong: Be back before your heart aches for me. King K. Rool: Could you be a little more specific? Candy Kong: 22 minutes? King K. Rool: Let's see, I sprayed Klump... Carry the two. Minus the hour, that... The timing should work perfectly! Please, run along and get me that kooky-wooky coconut, all right? Candy Kong: Back in a couple of shakes, King K. Cutie. King K. Rool: Oh, my but there's a lot of love in the room.
Donkey Kong: Bluster, where are you?! Bluster Kong: In here. Donkey Kong: You try and steal my girlfriend, and you're going to answer to me. Bluster Kong: Now, what makes you think I would do a thing like that? Donkey Kong: Spill, Bluster, what have you done with my Candy? Bluster Kong: Nothing. But I did overhear King K. Rool mention her name. Donkey Kong: King K. Rool?
Diddy Kong: Hey, wait for me!
Bluster Kong: But what about me? Let me out! Ow! Donkey Kong: You go get Cranky and tell him what's going on. Diddy Kong: And what about you? Donkey Kong: I'm going to King K. Rool's to rescue Candy.
Bluster Kong: 'I' m going to King K. Rool's to rescue Candy.' I will save Candy. And with the help of my love potion, I will finally get the girl.
|
Act 3[]
Cranky: Hey, there, Candy. What are you doing here? Candy Kong: Oh, just dropping in to say hello. Cranky: You okay? Candy Kong: Of course I'm okay. Why? Cranky: Well, we found out about Bluster's love potion. Now, where did I put my tennis racket? Candy Kong: You think I love Bluster? Now, that's funny. Cranky: I did think it was kind of funny myself. Candy Kong: I don't love Bluster, I love King K. Rool! Cranky: What are you doing? Get me out of here! Diddy Kong: Hi, Candy, where are you going with the... Candy Kong: Hi, bye. Diddy Kong: Coconut? Cranky: I wish I was 40 years younger. Get me out of here!
King K. Rool: Do you realize how long I've been waiting for this moment? Donkey Kong: About as long as I have, K. Rool. BOTH: Donkey Kong? Donkey Kong: Banana slamma! Donkey Kong: I'm crazy for you, you big, fat king, you. Your wish is my command. King K. Rool: Oh, I'm overwrought. I finally have the Crystal Coconut and as a cherry on top,... [Laughing] Donkey Kong is at my feet! Oh, someone take a picture. I've dreamt about this moment for such a long time. Donkey Kong at my feet and the crystal is mine ♪ How sublime ♪ Everything I've ever wanted but been tragically denied ♪ ♪ Oh, this feeling's overwhelming ♪ ♪ So much joy I cannot hide ♪ Got a notion about this potion ♪ ♪ All the love and the devotion ♪ ♪ I've got the coconut and it's causing a commotion ♪ ♪ Proclaim it from the highest peaks ♪ ♪ And shout it from the ocean ♪ I've got it all ♪ [Coughing] ♪ I have never been so happy ♪ ♪ Oh, I feel I've been reformed ♪ ♪ Dress me up in regal colours blow the bugle, sound the horn ♪ ♪ Got a notion about this potion ♪ ♪ All the love and the devotion ♪ ♪ I've got the coconut and it's causing a commotion ♪ ♪ Proclaim it from the highest peaks ♪ ♪ And shout over the ocean ♪ I've got it all ♪ Cranky: The trouble with that love potion is it doesn't last indefinitely. Diddy Kong: It wears off? Cranky: Yeah, and that's not the least of it. Turns out a second does makes you...
Candy Kong: Two-timing creep of a croc.
Diddy Kong: You mean it, Cranky? The second dose causes a complete turnaround? Cranky: Yep, sort of scrambles the emotions. Every dose is different. Love becomes hate and hate becomes love. Diddy Kong: Whoa! Cranky: Reason being, there was only a thin line between love and hate. Diddy Kong: Busting banana barrels. Candy Kong: You creeps! You're all the same! Any last words before I... [Coughing] Before I give you the biggest kiss of your life? You're nothing but a low-down, good for nothing tyrant. King K. Rool: A bully with a huge butt and stinky breath! King K. Rool: Oh, no! Cranky: A-ha! Donkey Kong: No one steals my girlfriend! King K. Rool: Take this, all of you. Donkey Kong: I'll take that. Oh, you hunka-hunka burning king. Candy Kong: You hunka-hunka burning... My hero. [Laughing] King K. Rool: Klump! Do something! I thought we'd start with a nice dinner, some Chianti. Then... Then I'll wring your scaly neck. King K. Rool: Give me that! Have I told you that you have the cutest bloodshot eyes? King K. Rool: Oh, shut up and get Donkey Kong. Anything for you, sugar. Bite that swamp rat! I could stare at you all day. Cranky: Hurry up, will you?! Diddy Kong: Uh-oh. King K. Rool: Help! Krusha! BOTH: Phew! You are the wind beneath my wings. Krusha: We love you to bits, sir. King K. Rool: Help! Donkey Kong: [Laughing] Well, that's the last of that potion. Diddy Kong: I'm not so sure of that. Look. Bluster Kong: I'll get Candy yet, Donkey Kong. Diddy Kong: Maybe sooner than you think. Hey, Candy! Bluster Kong: Huh? Candy Kong: Special delivery for Bluster. Bluster Kong: Ouch! [Laughing] All: Oh, no. Bluster Kong: Well, hello, there.
Cranky: Kongo Bongo can rest a little easier tonight, knowing that the Crystal Coconut is back where it should be. Diddy Kong: You can say that again. Candy Kong: I'm just glad we've seen the last of that love potion. That stuff was powerful. Donkey Kong: It sure was. Anything that is powerful enough to get someone to love King K. Rool should be locked up forever. Candy Kong: Don't worry, Donkey Kong, you know I'll always be your girl. Cranky: Now, don't start getting all sappy in there. I think there's enough love around here as it is. All: Huh? Cranky: Come out here. Bluster Kong: Ooh, you look marvellous, you simian specimen. What's your sign? Hey, beautiful, what are you doing the rest of your life? I hear wedding bells. |